I suck......

Ok- admittedly life here is a bit out of control but I still suck! I had been on such a roll! I hope to get a bit more centered & back on track. I do have a lot of ranting to do so that might be a recent post! Anyway, we're trying to get ready for Christmas & I have to drop off some Scrabble tile necklaces so I'm off for now but not too long!

OK- I guess I volunteered.....

Yesterday I had Princess Bear (PB) at the pediatrician's office for a variety of reasons. I asked him what he thought of entering PB in the Miss You Can Do It pageant. I passed the idea by my dad who thought it was a bad idea. I think PB who LOVES dressing up would have a ball. The Miss You Can Do It pageant is especially for special needs girls between the age of 4 and 25. It was started by Miss Iowa 2008 Abbey Curran. I think the pageant is an awesome idea! What a brilliant way for these girls to feel like "normal" girls for a day! Well, PB's pediatrician thought it was an incredible idea too. He said I should contact Dr. Morgan who runs a play project for kids with special needs. He told me to tell Dr. Morgan that he sent me to talk to him and what would it take to start a pageant like that in Peoria. Huh? I was just looking at doing the pageant in Kewanee. Evidently the ball is rolling and I'm going with it. I'm not sure what I think. Event planning is what I went to school for and I'm damn good at it. Isn't it weird the way things snowball?

Fall- how I love thee!

So what do you think of the new blog design? I love fall as we've talked about and I really love Halloween! Add my love of vintage graphics and this design was just calling my name!

Lately I've spent some time thinking and trying to come up with fun Halloween stuff to do with Princess Bear (PB). As I've mentioned I'm pretty hard core into Halloween. Its second only to Christmas. This year PB has a countdown to Halloween calendar that is the same basic premise to an advent calendar. At first she tried telling me she didn't want to do it because it was scary. Ok- this thing isn't scary in the slightest. She came around pretty quickly. She's now all set to dec the house out from the roof down. I've also been pondering why I love fall so much & why its my favorite season. If you think about it there is no way it should be my favorite season. In addition to all of my depression and anxiety issues I've dealt with my entire life my sister & I both suffer from SAD in a major way. My mom jokes about how her daughters turn gray by the middle of December. Since I now know that I've got a rather significant vitamin D insufficiency to boot I should be all about warm sunny weather. Nope! Nothing makes me happier than the sight of leaves changing colors, the coolness in the air and if I'm lucky the occasional scent of burning leaves! I think I like the idea of hunkering down. At least in theory. The idea of being cuddled up with a good book, a cup of tea, a cozy blanket and PB and my cat. I almost wished I lived on a homestead somewhere we were were more or less snowed in! Anyway back to fall. I would love to decorate for fall. Unfortunately money aside and lack of already owned decor my parents are very into decorating. One of my favorite blogs to check out just for the visuals is Aunt Ruthie's Sugar Pie Farmhouse. You can check it out HERE. Her house is most definitely a dream house (I think I have 2 that and a log home unless I could combine the best of both!). I love how she has decorated for fall! I did get PB a little sugar pumpkin and 5 mini pumpkins a week or so ago. I think I might have to scrimp up $10 and go to the dollar store and see what autumn things I could come up with. Maybe a leaf garland or two!

All of this led me on a search for some country/prim blogs. As I just mentioned I love Aunt Ruthie's Farmhouse and I love log cabins. I think I love the feeling of warmth they convey. That and the fact that when I think about what kind of women lived in these houses in the past they were strong women! I love reading Country Sampler Magazine. The ideas in there are fabulous and I love to turn down pages for ideas I want to remember for whenever PB and I get out own place. The idea of a comfy, warm, pretty country house or log cabin absolutely delights me. I think maybe because I don't feel that in the home we're in now. It also kind of ties into my whole wanted to homestead idea. I mean to you see a modern style house in the middle of 40 acres of wooded land? Nope, you see a farmhouse or log home. Something to blend into the setting.

This is also something that I've been thinking about lately. Back when Mason and I were serious (or as serious as we could be at 19 & 20) we talked about renovating a farm into a house. As I got a bit older I became slightly obsessed with log homes. Then I came to the realization that I wanted to live in the city. Peoria is as about as small as I can handle. I love the city and all that it entails. I was actually terrified of living in the country. I always dwelled on the horrendous what ifs instead of looking at the wonder of not being packed on top of one another. Then in the past couple of years I'm all about wanting to get back to the land and living in the country.

My therapist and I actually had a really interesting conversation about this awhile back. She thinks its due to a stalking incident that occurred when I was living in NC on my internship. I woke up one night and something wasn't right. I had left the light on because my roommate had gone out. When I woke up it was dark and someone was standing next to my bed. Yeah enter major freak out. Somehow I kept my wits about me. I asked Mr X what he was doing there. His reply was that he'd been watching me for a long time. At the time I didn't know what that really meant. I told him that he had to leave. He again told me that he'd been watching me for a long time. At that point I was completely freaked. He then reached over to turn on the light and I got a very good look at Mr X. A moment later he laid down a key and left the room. I freaked out. Now if I'd really been thinking I would have yelled right away because I was staying in an old barrack that was converted into dorm type rooms. Every other room on my floor was being occupied by guys that were in training to become Department of Corrections guards for the state of North Carolina. I loved these guys and they had kind of adopted me as a group little sister. If I would have screamed this guy would have probably left on a stretcher. Why didn't I scream? Honestly I have no idea. I don't know how long it was before my roommate came back but she realized that something was wrong. I asked her if she'd seen anyone in the hall and she got me to tell her the whole story. She and another intern decided the best thing was to call the police. Now since we were on federally owned property that meant the local police had to turn it over to the state police. That was the beginning of a circus act. Fingerprint dusting all over the room, questioning of me and my roommate (who had thought she lost her key & didn't report it. Turns out this guy swiped it from her). I was able to give a very accurate description and the police went to look around. All the commotion woke up the DoC guards in training and another intern who was one of my closest friends from Western. They did their best to calm me down. Someone suggested I should call my parents and let them know what happened even though it was really late. My mom swears she's never heard that kind of terror in anyones voice and never wanted to hear it again especially from one of her children. As it turned out the answering machine at my parents wound up recording the whole conversation which was saved in case the case went to trial. My friend Bob (the other intern from Western) slept on the floor of my room since my roommate didn't want to stay there and I was literally so scared I was glued to the bed. Bob is a good old country boy and brought a knife to the room and offered me one as well (don't worry I declined!). The next morning all of the DoC guys checked on me first thing. As they were crammed into my room the police showed up to say that they had arrested a suspect. The DoC guys insisted on all walking with me to the police car to ID the guy. Man did I love those guys! Sure enough they had the right guy and he was taken into custody. This was the friday before Labor Day weekend and my big project was planning and coordinating all of the Labor Day activities. I spent all of that friday on the phone trying to figure out things. I really just wanted to pack my bags and go home. I called my advisor and told her what happened. I only had a week left of my internship and had everything planned and set up for the Labor Day weekend but I was a mess. I just wanted to get out of there. My advisor said if I cut my internship short regardless of the reason I'd fail the semester. The next thought that was bounced around was my dad & uncle flying out there. Ok- you try pricing the flight for 2 people last minute, labor day weekend to coastal North Carolina. I quickly turned down that idea. My dad & uncle offered to drive out. Again while I appreciated it I didn't think it would help. Now add to this that I called the police station to see what was happening as far as me filing charges against this idiot. Are you ready to poop bricks sideways? They released the guy! Without my knowledge or asking what my intentions were about pressing charges. He was in the Army and told to return to Ft. Bragg immediately. WHAT???? That is when I really lost it. There was next to no security where I was at. The grounds were extensive and not well lit at night. We literally were on the Cape Fear river on one side and 2 blocks from the ocean on the other side. We decided the best alternative was for me to get a car and rent a room at a hotel in Kure Beach which was about 15 or 20 minutes away. When I asked the police why they released him they said he was in the Army and remorseful for what had happened. Hmmm, ok- what about the fact that I'm terrified? I asked about pressing charges and they said I could but the Army could and would just send him out to the field every time we would be scheduled for court. Nice huh? Well you can try going after him but the Army will protect him. Nothing like the good old boys club! So I spent the last week of my internship in a hotel room. So this is the basic reason that for a very long time I was terrified of living in a secluded location. I wanted people everywhere! Back to the conversation with my therapist. She has a theory that the brain has a wonderful capacity to heal itself and that my desire to live in the country is an indication that I'm no longer as traumatized by the stalking incident. I think she might be right. I think it will always be in the back of my mind and that at times I might react to things badly because of it but its no longer dictating where I want to live. The brain is pretty amazing isn't it????

An exercise in frustration

I've been helping with my nephews a lot. This started before Luke was born because my sisters carpal tunnel was so bad she could barely change Tyler's diapers. I stayed there for a week when Luke was born so my brother could be at the hospital with Kate during the day all day. I was ready to go loco by the end of it. I love my daughter & I love my oldest nephew almost to adoration. The two of them together are fun but absolutely feed off each other. One night I actually went to Kroger to just be by myself for a little while- thats how much I just needed to escape for awhile. My sister has had one health issue after another since giving birth and I've spent almost every weekday out there helping her. Now my sister is the family golden child while I am the black sheep and she is perfectly aware of this. Add to that my sister is a very difficult person to please and its a hard situation at best. Frankly I need the money and I adore my oldest nephew who really didn't deal with the adjustment to being a big brother and really needed some special attention and love. My sister just called me to bitch about the state of the basement. Ok yes its my fault I forgot to go back down there and pick up. Tyler and I had gone down there to play because my sister & Luke were taking a nap in the family room. The basement isn't as much fun because there are only a few toys down there and Tyler isn't supposed to watch TV with me (I'm supposed to engage him while I'm there). That all said Tyler is recovering from a bad cold and was happy to just chill with Aunt Sarah & look through catalogs. Yes, my nephew is addicted to catalogs! :) My sister called me and asked me to come up because Luke needed a bottle and she had to pump. I said we'd be up after I cleaned up. Well I didn't get everything cleaned up before she was going crazy telling me to come up now that she was putting Luke in the bouncer. Now did she start a bottle warming? Nope. So I get up there and start Luke's bottle and make more juice/ pedialyte for Tyler. Fast forward several hours and I got Tyler down for his nap and then Luke. I fell asleep holding Luke. (man, I hate when I wake myself up because I just snored!) Well, my sister called to complain about the state of the basement. I immediately apologized. I forgot, not much I can do but apologize. She then asked where the TV remote was. I don't know! We didn't watch TV! I told her that and she went into how Tyler obviously moved the remote and I wasn't watching him and if they couldn't find the remote and my bil couldn't watch TV he was going to be pissed. Um ok I can understand that. Now lets talk about the reality of it- a very short in stature not quite 3 year old couldn't have hidden it in that many places! I offered to come out there and help her look. Its a 20 minute ride and I'm glad she declined. I feel bad that I forgot about picking up. I am getting paid so I should have done a good job. The remote will turn up so please calm down! The people in my family truly have no coping mechanisms. Now they will tell you that I am to laid back and lazy but honestly I don't see the point in completely freaking out. I do my share of that but try to keep it to a minimum. My stress level is too high as it is! So that is the story of today! Hoping tomorrow is smoother!

Computer time

Man- I am one of those people who can all day on the computer and accomplish next to nothing. I've noticed the more tired I am the easier it is to do. I'm about wiped out at the moment. Princess Bear (PB) had a 5 hour coughing attack. By the time she fell asleep the wheezing and gurling breathing had started. It was a fun night. This morning I let her sleep in since I knew she was exhausted. I hoped on-line to check facebook and my email. Then I started looking for pumpkin stencils. I'm a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to pumpkin carving but the other side of me thinks the pumpkin stencils are pretty spiffy too. I just have a hard time paying for such things (and if I do I make a copy of said stencil so the original is around & can be used again- yep I'm cheap like that!) While browsing I found a Thomas the tank engine stencil for my nephew and a Notre Dame stencil for my sister (my sister went to Saint Mary's which is an all girls school across from ND and she is a huge ND fan). I also found a few cute stencils for PB to pick from. Then I finally delivered PB to school shortly after 10am. Usually I sign her in at the office and then she walks to her room. She was dragging her feet a bit today & I asked if she wanted me to walk her. Oh yes she did. I think she still wasn't feeling well. I'm so glad she wanted me to walk her. Her room is the complete opposite end of the building from the office so we decided to cut through the library. In the library they were having dental techs putting sealants on kids who signed up for the program. PB saw that and was about to turn and run. I assured her she wasn't going to have to do it and we continued on our merry little way. It was too cute "I don't need that- I'll take a pass thanks" even better was an old friend from high school is teaching there now & heard her and got a chuckle as well. She's just a darn cute kiddo!

After that I went to my sisters to help with my nephews. This is probably a post all on its own so I'm just skipping it for now. I picked up PB at school and we came home and I went to sit down at the computer for just a few minutes. Well, its now 2 hours later! I first started looking for pumpkin cream cheese recipes because our cupcakes from last night are ok but not wonderful. I did find some yummy looking recipes. Then I looked into cake pops. I've been hearing and reading about these A LOT lately especially since Bakerella's book is now out. I'm considering trying to sell these at the salon. Not to brag but I'm a pretty dang cook cook and I've been making candy with my mom since I could stand on a stool and tie a bandana around my head. I'll keep you posted! Then I started thinking about the on going war in my house over food budgets as well as a friend who is on an insanely small food budget b/c her soon to be ex is such a prick. That started me on the search for budget recipes, poverty cooking and depression era cooking. This also led to slow cooker recipe searches as well as a second on Once a Month Freezer cooking. I would love to find more freezer recipes that are good. Anybody have any suggestions?

Now while I did find lots of information I blew 2 hours in what felt like a much shorter amount of time. I'm also realizing that I need to get new reading glasses and or new contacts because my eyes are not happy. Everytime I think about getting new contacts I always want to go with a cool color....maybe green this time? Ok- off to make dinner because PB is starting to cough and she didn't get to eat last night because of the coughing attack- ugh!

Hmmm people are curious

Sorry- I really didn't mean to disappear for more than a week. Actually there were a couple of days that I could have really used the outlet of blogging. This past weekend was my dads birthday and in her typical fashion my mom started a war with me to ruin my dad's day as well (anyone seeing a theme here?). Everyone in my sisters house has been sick with some sort of ick. Today was the first day I saw my nephew since last week. He was so excited to see me- the child really does make my heart sing! Poor kiddo is still really stuffed up :( Usually getting him down for his nap is pretty easy. Today he was so miserable that he couldn't get comfy. Then when I tried moving he activated a death grip on my hair.

Today after I dropped off Princess Bear (PB) at school I was on the way home and saw the person otherwise formerly known as my best friend. If you don't remember this story here's the LINK Anyway, I've spent a fair amount of time since the holidays last year thinking about this situation. A mutual friend who had a similar incident with Jessi thought I should just keep on reaching out to her and let bygones be bygones. That would be all sorts of well and good if we were both equally guilty parties here. As it is I did absolutely nothing wrong so I don't feel like I'm supposed to be the one to suck it up and try to make it better. A few weeks ago I ran into Jessi's mom, aunt & niece in Target. I said "hi" and her mom actually pretended like she didn't hear me. Hello- I'm like less than 3 feet from you. This woman has had me her in house more times than I can count. Now because her daughter decides to start acting like an idiot she's going to pretend not to hear a greeting? Its not like I really wanted to say hello but since I've known the entire family for over 20 years I figure its the polite, mature, adult thing to do. Afterwards my mom said I should have mentioned to her that I was the one who was being wronged. Yeah you saw that correctly- my mom stood up for me. Thats a rare occurence! Anyway, her birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I spent a good part of the day trying to figure out how to address it. Finally around 9pm that night I asked Maria what she thought. (Maria is one of the four people that compromised the best friends group) Maria mentioned that she thought about that earlier. She said it was a tough call & it really shouldn't be. She asked how I would feel if Jessi didn't respond. To me it would just be one more nail in the coffin of a 22 year friendship. She could have reached out on my birthday and didn't. She could have reached out when my dad was ill which she knew about and didn't and she didn't reach out when I had MRSA and was sick as hell (that was before I took her off of my Facebook friends list). At some point you have to say that no matter how hard you try its pretty damn hard to shake hands with a fist. I did send her a text on her birthday and wished her a happy bday. Of course nothing from her. Back to this morning. I'm getting ready to turn onto my street after taking PB to school. I see 2 walkers. One of them is Jessi. Honestly I could have waved but I see no point. I figured I was being nice by not running her over. Ok- I probably wouldn't have done that but the thought was slightly entertaining. I'm really at a point in my life where I'm done with being treated like shit or being taken advantage of. Its happening entirely too much & I don't have it in me to keep on dealing with it.

Weekend from H#LL!

Ok- as a parent I realize that weekend down time is a precious commodity. Since I have been spending the last several months helping out my sister I have a sense of having no life of my own anyway. I've been trying to make some positive changes in my life: doing yoga a few times a week (I've been trying a series of positions recommended for helping with depression in whole living magazine. You can check it out HERE). Trying my best to get to sleep between 11pm and midnight (supposedly helps reset your pineal gland/ melatonin production). Now for a classic night owl who occasionally suffers from insomnia this has been no easy task. The biggest accomplishment by far has been cutting down my caffeine intake. Pepsi/Coke is my friend. I went from having a minimum l soda a day to a max of G-d only knows how many & sometimes throwing in coffee for good measure to having caffeine every other day or so. For the most part its been a 12 oz can or a medium cup. Today was my worst day at 24 oz but I've greeted 2am the past 2 nights so I needed it. I'm trying to not let this weekends lapses become habit breakers. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Friday my mom & dad came home early, completely exhausted and in a mood. They've been helping out at my sisters almost daily as well. My mom & I had a talk about how the house really needed to get cleaned up since I am returning to my sisters this coming week. I had every intention of getting it done or as close to done as possible.

Saturday morning comes & I'm up and moving by 7:30am. Not bad for me. I spend time getting the living room and dining room straightened as well as the kitchen and several loads of laundry. Then Princess Bear (PB) had her swimming lessons at 11:30. Those are only a half hour but by the time she showers off, dries up and is dressed again we're lucky to be out of there by 12:30pm. From there we went to CVS because I needed some Febreeze Air Effects that was on sale for $2.99 and I had a $1.00 coupon. I know that Febreeze isn't the most green item to be using but its to combat the smell from using the green Swheat kitty litter. The stuff works well enough but there is no absorption of odors whatsoever! My mom called once while we were at CVS asking where we were (honestly I cannot be anywhere other than home and not receive a phone call asking where I am). While we were at CVS I received several texts messages from an acquaintance/friend that lead me to believe she was suicidal. I sent her a few text messages telling her not to do anything and tried calling her with no response. I sent a text to the therapist we both see telling her what was going on and got no response from her. At that point I called 911. Can I tell you that if you call 911 and tell them that an acquaintance has sent you text messages indicating a plan to commit suicide but you do not know/remember her last name and have no address (the 3 phone numbers I had as well as email addy were relatively useless)that they aren't very happy. Apparently it makes there job much harder. To say that this whole scenario left me feeling extremely rattled would be a minor understatement. I was totally emotionally drained. I continued to periodically send her texts reminding her nothing was that bad & to think of her kids. We ate lunch and about an hour later the police called me to tell me that they found her & she was fine. Relief. I then decided that I wanted 20 minutes to just decompress. My dad was ok with that plan but my mom, bil and nephew returned home and somehow I was put in charge of the kids. They left my nephew here while they went to mass. Not a huge deal but still took up my time. Then I helped my dad with dinner so my mom could rest. Then came me cleaning up from dinner and trying to then get PB settled for bed. I got some more laundry done and researched a few things I needed to online. Then around midnight I remembered (??) that PB had a birthday party the next day and I needed to make the gift- UGH!!!! I worked on that for awhile & then did some cleaning in my room. Around 2:45am I decided the best bet was to call it a day.

I was up and going by 7:30am today. After making a sorry attempt at breakfast (pb&j on toast) for PB and myself, I cleaned up the kitchen by putting away clean dishes & washing dirty as well as taking out the garbage and doing more laundry. I then spent another hour finishing up the birthday gift. After that it was time to take PB to Sunday school. Once we got home PB was ready to go to the birthday party. It was still a bit too early so I fed her lunch, we wrapped the gift and left the house. As I was leaving I heard back from my therapist asking if I'd heard anymore. We text a few more times and then I got gas and we were off. The party was about a 1/2 hour from here. Now if I was still living around Chicago a 1/2 hour to get somewhere is nothing. Around here that is a really long time. PB made the comment (and was completely serious) that she thought we were in 'fornia! I was so proud of myself because I thought we were going to be on time for the party (I am late for everything!). Well once we hit the frontage road the real fun began. Try 2 wrong turns that lead to some really pretty country driving but ultimately made us a 1/2 hour late. Luckily we weren't the only ones. As soon as we arrived Bella's grandma asked us if I had any plans for us this afternoon. Ummm, no not really. Good, the zoomobile is getting there until 2 and we can't eat until after that. By the time all was said and done we left the birthday party around 5:20 and headed home. We left the house around 12:15! I was beyond exhausted! My dad then needed help in the yard while my mom simultaneously needed help with dinner. While dinner was cooking I got PB in the bath. Then dinner and cleanup again. After that PB wanted cuddle time so we watched Jonas L.A. After that I did the rest of the kitchen and put PB to bed. This takes us to 9:20 Sunday night and my moms most recent blow up about how I'm not doing anything I need to around the house and I'm continuing to fuck up and that everyone says the only way I'll stop is to get kicked out. Did I miss something? Did I not help? Did I get done everything I would have liked to? Not nearly but not from lack of trying or jacking off with my time.

Oh I forgot the best part- on the way back from the birthday party I received 3 text messages from the acquaintance I called 911 about yesterday. Basically telling me that I was butting in where I wasn't wanted and to leave her alone. Yep, I had a great freaking weekend!

I could mention the stress from a friend that is really getting to me or the fact that my daughter is really needing more downtime with me. Yes I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just so sick of trying & not at least getting credit for what I am getting done. I think I'm going to get ready for bed and hope like heck this coming week is smooth. As I typed that I remembered that I'm spending all day every day at my sisters. Honestly- is the concept of me time just a dream????

So I'm a bit stuck on the idea of vacation!

So to extend yesterdays theme a bit I've revisited my small obsession with vintage campers. I love camping. I'm the only person in my family that has done any kind of camping at all. I've done tent camping, non tent completing roughing it camping in December in Illinois camping and for the most part enjoyed all of it. (Have I ever mentioned that my major was recreation?) Anyway, I would love, love, love to be able to do some camping with Princess Bear (PB). Unfortunately I don't think she's ready for out in the wilds camping. I can't quite trust her enough not to go off adventuring when I turn my back for a second. She has no fear and LOVES any kind of animal so I'm seeing DANGER DANGER DANGER! Anyway, back to my vintage trailer obsession. Have you done a google search lately for vintage campers? Seriously do it! You'll have so much fun! This started when I read an article last year in MaryJane's Farm Magazine which if you haven't read it go to your local newsstand or Barnes and Noble and grab a copy! Here are some pics from a recent google search I did.


Gotta love a classic teardrop camper!


Look at this cutie!


I think the flamingo is awesome!!!


Awesome awesome awesome. I need to show this to Steve! Can I have the barn too please???


I love the welcoming hibiscus tree!


Seriously- could it get any cuter??? Nope I don't think so!


I've also got a thing about window boxes and this is so dang cheerful!


Ok- check out the globe lamp above the sink!!!

So did any of this pics inspire you to hit Craigs List & look for vintage campers???

Sarah

Better late than never!

After reading my friend Jen's blog about traveling and the World Heritage List I was going to write this post yesterday but I got bumped off the computer. I must confess that Jen is INCREDIBLY well traveled and I for one am pretty damn jealous. She is also incredibly funny & I love reading her blog Jen on the Edge so I guess I'll get over it! :)

Before reading Jen's post yesterday I had never heard of the World Heritage List. Its a pretty nifty little list. You can check it out HERE. As I said I'm not very well traveled by any definition. My family vacations when we were young were usually very nice but we were a big Disney family & tended to go there and Space Camp when we were young. One summer my sister & I did a week at Space Camp and then my parents picked us up and we spent a month going to various places in Florida. It was fun but I was seriously ready to get home by the end of that trip! I also took a really incredible geology/biology trip through the Southwest when I was in college. That was my first introduction to camping. The trip was definitely a wonderful learning experience- even though I fell on a cactus. Yes folks I fell ON a cactus. Thank G-d I have high pain tolerance! Anyway, I'm explaining all of this to give you a bit of background on my travel experiences. The only time I left the United States is when we went to the Niagara Falls & stayed on the Canadian side for a few days (which is incidentally where I had the best Italian food of my life!). I've got my wish list of places that I'd like to go to: Australia, Israel, Ireland, Scotland, England, Poland, and a tropical island or two. (If you want a fun read check out a Pirate looks at Fifty by Jimmy Buffett!)

Now back to the World Heritage List. The places I have been to are:
Mesa Verde National Park A very cool place that has an almost earth bound spiritual feel to it (if that makes sense)
Grand Canyon National Park (Ok- I really need to go here again because this was the last hike on my trip to the Southwest and after I fell on the cactus. My mom was so excited to hear my opinion on it and I reportedly told her "Its a big freaking hole in the ground" Have I mentioned I don't do tired well?
Mammoth Cave National Park Pretty cool if you're into the whole cave thing
Cahokia Mounds State Historic Site this place has a very spooky unsettled feel about it.
Carlsbad Caverns National Park The first time I ever saw a bat flight and it was awesome! I've wanted to have a bat house ever since!

Now here is a very abbreviated version of places I'd like to go (I'm leaving out places in the US because I figure I have a better than good chance of hitting those)
You can pretty much go with the ENTIRE list of Australian sites but a few must see are:
Kakadu National Park
Tasmanian Wilderness
Sydney Opera House
Australian Convict Sites

Historic Centre of the City of Salzburg
Palace and Gardens of Schönbrunn
Historic Cairo Actually Egypt is another place you could just put me down for the entire list. I used to be so good at reading hieroglyphics it was scary!
Palace and Park of Versailles
Palace and Park of Fontainebleau
Cathedral of Notre-Dame, Former Abbey of Saint-Remi and Palace of Tau, Reims
Skellig Michael
Old City of Jerusalem and its Walls
Vilnius Historic Centre
Medina of Marrakesh Again Morocco is another place that you could just put me down for everything on the list!
Tongariro National Park
West Norwegian Fjords – Geirangerfjord and Nærøyfjord
Cracow's Historic Centre Again, for Poland please insert the list. Being Polish is such a huge deal for my family and it peppers my speech & cuisine so I'd really love to travel it extensively.
Auschwitz Birkenau
German Nazi Concentration and Extermination Camp (1940-1945) Since we had family that perished in WWII I feel its a place I should go to not that I want to lest one never forgets its on the list.
Belovezhskaya Pushcha / Białowieża Forest
Historic Centre of Warsaw
Wooden Churches of Southern Little Poland
Villages with Fortified Churches in Transylvania
Historic City of Toledo Also, just a side note- the best, bar none absolutely the BEST marzipan candy in the world comes from Toledo!

This is just part of the wish list (I didn't even touch on the UK except for a few place in Ireland!) but my bed is calling so I'm out. What destinations are on your wish list?

OK- I disappeared but it wasn't my fault!

Man- I really am trying to keep consistent here! I feel as if I've had another child or two! My sister has been sick yet again so I'm there everyday helping with the kids. Last week I was sick as all get out starting on Thursday. I mean like praying for death sick. I more or less slept from Thursday night to Sunday morning and then on and off Sunday and Monday. I'm still not feeling as well as I'd like but not nearly as bad as I was!

My birthday was on Tuesday and it was an interesting day to say the least. The day itself was almost perfect! I vegged, watched TV and bummed around in the morning and then went to Steve's to introduce him to Sons of Anarchy around 1pm. I found it almost alarming how at peace I felt just hanging out watching TV with him. We could talk or be silent and comfortable either way. I'm so the smitten kitten for him it isn't even funny. Then I had to pick up Princess Bear (PB) at school. I tried convincing Steve to go but no such luck. He really is a lone wolf kind of guy. PB & I took the car to the mechanics and then she wanted to see Steve. I told her I didn't think he was home. That argument wasn't going to hold any water with her! So I called & left him a message. It still wasn't enough for PB who wanted to see her buddy. We went to Culvers & picked up some ice cream. Apparently her game plan was to go to his house & leave it for him if he wasn't there- small problems with that plan! As luck would have it we were both turning onto his street from different directions. Fun was had by all! After we had our ice cream Steve took PB for a walk on the trail & then to the playground for a bit. She overheated which really seemed to freak him out.

After that I had a PTA meeting that my parents agreed to babysit PB for. I had asked earlier in the day if she needed to be fed dinner by the time I left & my mom said she didn't care. Since we'd been having such a good time at Steve's I decided to stay & let my parents give her dinner. Well that was the first thing that set my mom off. Then my dad felt the need to bitch about some random things around the house. I wound up calling my friend Suzy and bawling. I hate that I let them get me so upset. I also want to know what the deal is because my mom & I always seem to have a conflict on my birthday. After the meeting I got home and my parents had a little cake & gifts even though we'd agreed to postpone the celebrating for a week since my stomach is still not ok. I got Jenny McCarthy's Mom Warriors book. I read one of her other books and she really is a tiger when it comes to her sons autism.

So if we're keeping track of the birthday here is the breakdown-
Prize for giving the most effort to me having a good day goes to Steve
Prize for giving me the most grief & not even saying happy birthday to me goes to my dad
Prize for upsetting me overall goes to both of my parents
Prize for being a total joy and loving my birthday more than I do most definitely goes to PB!

New School Year

Well, we've made it through the first few days of school without any major events. Going to school the first morning I was not very hopeful. Mason's mom & I sat there trying to convince ourselves and each other that it would be fine. Unfortunately the heat in the room was stifling but we were assured that once the kids got in the room the sensor would kick the AC on. Then the fact that the teacher told us that there were not any therapists in place was enough to drive us into a panic. I knew the staff had meetings afterwards so I waited until 4pm to call the principal. We had a rather nice chat & she is fully on board for watching Princess Bear (PB) overheat now as well. Therapists are now in place just not ready to provide services. Hopefully things will be moving smoothly by next Tuesday. Princess Bear is very excited about sitting at a big girl desk this year! Previously she always sat at a table so this is a big milestone for her. Here are some pics of the first day! I really hope PB always maintains this enthusiasm for school!

Make your own free digital scrapbook

Its that time of year!

Yep, I'm talking about school starting! Princess Bear (PB) starts tomorrow. She's so unbelievably excited its a joy to watch. I really hope that she keeps that enthusiasm for school! Now on the other hand, I'm completely filled with trepidation. The school district is so in debt that its almost comical. One of the cost cutting measures was to fire all of the therapist that PB had worked with for the last 4 years. The therapist that had been with the school district for over 30 years! They decided to bring in district therapists. You know lower paid therapists that were not as qualified, not as experienced and generally not as knowledgeable. I don't understand why when there are budget constraints that special services are the first to be axed. These kids are not the ones that should be used as guinea pigs. They need stability more than any other group. She was previously working with an Occupational Therapist. Now she will be evaluated by an Occupation Therapist once a year and then be turned over to at Occupational Therapy Assistant. By trade my mom is an OTA. I am very familiar with what she had to learn to pass her boards. It is no easy feat and I'm not sure if I was pressed if I could do it. That said it is no where NEAR what an Occupational therapist is trained in. With a child like PB who has a huge variety of skills and delays it was so reassuring to have people who knew what they were doing.

Then we can discuss the fact that 1 year and 10 months after the school caught on fire the kids are finally going back to the "old" school. Small problem- they aren't done fixing everything yet!!!!!!!!! They also assured me that with the new geothermal system that the entire school will be air conditioned and that it no longer needed to be written into PB's IEP. Well, as of registration the A/C wasn't on or even tested yet.

Then there is a the fact that we literally live a block away from the school and on Saturday I received a notice of PB's bus schedule. Um, excuse me? My child never has taken the bus for the heat issue. Its just easier for me to take her. I have no idea why they thought she needed bus transportation this year but its not happening. I also wonder why if we live 1 block from the school and school starts at 9am why she was supposed to be at the corner at 8:22 for an 8:32 pick up? Seriously, what is up with that? We could walk there and back a time or two in that amount of time!

On the flip side this summer was more successful than summers past. Although not according to my mother who felt the need to tell me that one more time I blew a summer and didn't do enough for my daughter and therefore screwed her over. Could I have done more? Yes. I will always admit that. I'm not perfect and sometimes just downright lazy. That said my daughter has mastered many more of her sight words (around 45 of the 52 that we worked on). Do I wish she was reading? Of course! I also think that by Christmas she will be. So there is the big news on this front! I just hope that the school year goes better than I am anticipating because this knot in my stomach is not a good thing!

Fun & games- Dr's visits SUCK!!!

Last week I called my pulmonologist because my asthma was pretty out of control. I figured he would prescribe prednisone and life would go on its merry little way. I didn't realize its been almost 2 years since my last office visit so the nurse called in the scrip but said I had to come in that week & see the nurse practioner. Ok. I love my Dr. He's very thorough and personable. The nurse practioner is also rather nice but a bit of a know it all. She decided that I needed to have a pulmonary function test done and it had to be this week so the prednisone would still be in my system. I could bring Princess Bear (PB) for the Dr's appointment afterwards but not to the pulmary function test (PFT). Um- hello single mom with a child still on summer vacation! My mom took the day off to watch PB for me. There are all sorts of rules to follow prior to the test. What meds you can take, limit your caffine (just shoot me now!), and don't eat for X amount of time before the test. Most of it was pretty simple but I needed my soda damn it!!!

The test itself was also pretty easy. Put a lovely little clip on your nose and insert HUGE tube into your mouth (think bad dentist visit plus some). You do some breathing exercises and it is recorded. Then you do a breathing treatment and repeat the breathing exercises. I usually use albuterol in my neubulizer and I hate it. The shakes I get afterwards are horrendous and last for hours. On the plus side it opens up my breathing & life usually gets much better. I had mentioned this to the nurse practioner and she switched me to Xopenex (a change that had been made for PB for similar reasons). I hadn't used the Xopenex yet but they used that for the PFT. I don't know how well it will actually work when my breathing is down the drain but the shakes afterwards were considerably lessened. WOOHOO!!! The test showed that my breathing functions are pretty well controlled by the meds I'm on. I then had to wait a bit to meet with my Dr. & the nurse practioner. They then took my vitals and my blood pressure which is normally fine sometimes borderline low was 180/90 and my heartrate was 103 (I've never had an issue with my heartrate before). Keep in mind that this is the medicine that I was LESS shaky on!!! I'm thinking switching meds was a pretty good thing! So that was my bit of excitement for today!

Mosque at Ground Zero

OK- ITS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are we so wrapped up on this issue???? Better yet why, oh why did the Prez feel the need to weigh in on this issue????? As if any more fuel needed to be added to that fire! The man is not doing the best job running the country so lets just stay on national issues ok Barak????

Now here's the deal. There is no law at the local level so there is nothing that can be done to stop the building of the mosque at Ground Zero so there is no issue here folks. Now do we want to talk about the fact that building it at that location is someone insensitive and more likely borrowing trouble? Yep! I think its in extremely poor taste and a slap in the face to those who lost loved ones on 9/11. Yes, I've hear that the Imam of this proposed mosque is a wonderful peace loving individual and actually the Taliban has him on their radar. From the descriptions on the news and various shows he seems like the kind of Muslim that needs to be personified in this country. Unfortunately there is a preconceived notions of Muslims as a whole. I do think its a shame but it is what the country seems to be hung up on at the moment (you know the whole 1 bad apple thing).

I just hope that this hubbub dies down soon. There are so many other issues that we need to focus on as a country.
-Getting rid of Obamacare
-working on putting the education system in this country back together
-focus on conserving and preserving our earth and its resources
-Why have we already forgotten about the Gulf?????????? Lots of help needed there!

Of course this is just my opinion and worth exactly what I charged you for it! Have a good one!

OK- its so easy to be anti marriage!

Now I will be the first to admit that given the opportunity & the right guy I'd love to give this marriage thing a whirl. That is my usual frame of thought on it. Lately as I'm watching my friends muddling through life and marriage I'm thinking that perhaps the single life isn't that bad (well with the exception of my clanging biological clock).

I have a friend S who I've known....forever. Its been one of those friendships that has weathered time and long periods of not being in each others lives but especially the last few years we've been close. Her mother was very similar in behavior to mine so she understands a lot of what I deal with. She was down her visiting with her 3 kiddos a few weeks ago and she took Princess Bear & I out to dinner. Watching PB with her kids was an absolute riot. One minute the were as thick as thieves and the next minute fighting like siblings. It was a great experience for PB.

I also know S's husband as we all worked at the same place around 8 years ago. For the most part their marriage was pretty good. Of course it had its ups & downs but they had pretty good communication & worked through things. He joined the Army several years ago and the kids are used to the military family lifestyle from what I've been able to gather. Now this is S's first marriage. She has 1 older daughter and did the single mother thing for a long time before becoming involved with and marrying G. I always admired the way she was able to handle the trials and tribulations of single motherhood especially with a mother that made life difficult to say the least.

Now this was G's second marriage. His first marriage produced 2 children (if you're keeping track thats 5 kids so far). Unfortunately the 2 boys from his first marriage are a complete mess pyschologically and developmentally. The boys moved in with S & G awhile back because the mothers rights had been revoked. Actually they had landed in foster care before G rode in on his white horse and rescued his boys. He then brought them home to S & the 3 girls and proceeded in becoming a father that went to work and came home and hid. S realized that the boys had some rather big issues that needed addressing and pushed G to make the appropriate appointments. These boys were a mess. Actually that is probably being kind to them. They were destructive as all get out and had no regard for S or the girls. They knew that S had no real means to make them listen and abused that fact for all it was worth. The Army was in the meantime sending G all of the green earth for training & school. S on a very constant constant basis let G know that she did not have it within her to take care of 5 children while he was gone. Now this might sound unfair but lets not forget the the 2 boys had no regard for authority and rules and were quite frankly a danger to S & the girls. Repeatedly S went to G and told him this was a BIG issue. Time and time again G ignored her.

S & G went on to become pregnant with their 4th child together which would have been the 7th in the house. They were both wanting a big family and happy about this. I remember talking to S and asking when she was going to the Dr to start prenatal care. Evidentally the Army policy is that you don't receive prenatal care until you are 12 weeks pregnant. I was horrified at that but S assured me that this was normal and in her previous 4 pregnancies she'd been healthy and had no problems so she wasn't worried. A few weeks later S had a miscarriage. I don't remember the last time I felt so bad for someone. She was having a horrid time at home because of the misfit boys and her husband was getting ready to deploy once again. Then out of the blue after 4 healthy non problematic pregnancies she miscarries. I will believe to the day that I die it was due to the stress at home from the boys.

Her husband deployed in Feb for a year and from the beginning it was a very rough deployment. She was dealing with the emotional and physical effects of the miscarriage. Then there the misfit boys as well as her oldest daughter about to graduate from HS and 3 girls 6 and under. That is a WHOLE lot to deal with. Her POS husband was distant most of the time and when he was around he was argumentative and hostile. Not at all sympathetic or caring like a good husband should be.

Time has been marching on and he has still been a grade A a$$hole. S was sure that most of this behavior was due to his diagnosed but untreated PTSD. In spite of it all she still really loved her husband and looked forward to him coming home so they could work on things. Throughout everything she stood by him, loved him and was willing to do the work needed to get things back to a happy and livable place for all involved.

I'm not sure when I started asking her if there was a possibility of him cheating on her. Since I'm very well acquainted with both sides of that story and everything she told me had warning bells ringing in my head I was pretty sure that was the case. S repeatedly defending him saying that he would not do that. Not only would he not do that to his wife but to his kids either. You see his father had been a cheating bastard and he knew what that was like. Now his father has gone on to have a family with the woman he stepped out with and G is now close to them but never forgot what his father had done.

Lets fast forward to G's R & R (for those of you not familiar with the military this is a break in a soldiers year long deployment for some Rest and Relaxation). S was waiting for G to get home on R & R so they could have a few weeks to work on their relationship. She maintained her thought that given time and work she & G could put their marriage back on track. Shortly before coming home on R & R G informed her that he would be taking the boys to live with his mother (another wonderful family trend as his mother is now raising all of her grandchildren). While S was somewhat relieved to not be dealing with the boys on her own she knew this was a bad sign for her marriage. At this point G came home on R & R and things went from bad to worse. He was completely distant and a really jerk. Again I asked S if he was possibly cheating and again she assured me that he wouldn't do that.

Guess what? He is doing that. The exact same thing that he thought his father was such an a$$hole for doing to his mother he has done to his wife and girls. Not only has he been cheating but he is ENGAGED to this other woman and is in marriage counseling with her. HELLO???????? Wouldn't go to marriage counseling with S who asked repeatedly but is going with someone who he isn't even married to????

There is more to this story and I'll try to tell it at some point in time but PB just woke up so I need to try to get her down. I just look around at my dear friend S watching her life implode around her and her soon to be ex and new fling flaunt their relationship and I can't help to wonder if maybe marriage is overrated.

Random ramblings!

Well, I'm not quite sure what I did today but I was up and going all day (ok took a 20 minute nap!). I did a lot of driving. Drove my mom to work. Picked her up 2 hours later to take her to the Dr. and then back to work. Then home for a bit and then to my sisters to watch Tyler. It was going pretty well until my sister told me to bring the kids up b/c the baby needed a diaper change. Princess Bear opened the safety gate at the bottom of the stairs & she & Tyler went on their merry little way. I was right behind them but my sister still freaked out 30 different ways. Which lead to my parents & bil freaking out. I'm sure the bottom line is that PB & Tyler will not be allowed to see each other for awhile. The part that really sucks about that is they are extremely close & completely adore each other. Ugh!

I register PB for 2nd grade tomorrow. I'm so ready for summer to be over but I hate what the school year always does to her. Double ugh!

I took around 30 scrabble necklaces to the salon that I sell at in town. The owner was thrilled and loved them to death. Dumb me forgot to take any pictures before dropping them off! I'm also waiting for a shipment of the actual chain necklaces I bought to use with these. I emailed the seller on etsy but haven't heard back from her. Ugh ugh ugh!

On the plus side of things I had my once in every 3 months visit with my pyschiatrist yesterday. I haven't seen him since November (some 3 months, huh?) He agreed that my insomia was pretty out of control and wants to get that situated before messing with any of my other meds. I've also lost 10 lbs since I was last there. Not a lot by any means but a start to be sure!

So that is life on this side!

Ok- is the world crazy??????????

I've been trying to get Princess Bear (PB)to start sleeping in her own room. The other day she made it to 3am! WooHoo! I also have given some thought of putting bunk beds in her room. The plan was a twin over a full bunkbed with steps instead of a ladder. My child falls at will on a very regular basis so I really don't think a ladder to bed is the best idea ever. One small problem- those bad boys cost a lot! I also thought about one of the fancy dancy castle or cottage beds. I saw one many moons ago that had a bed underneath with lights inside and then there were stairs going to the upstairs play area. At the base of the stairs there was a little picket fence toy area- just darling! Unfortunately when my computer crashed so did my info on it :( I did look at some beds in the same family thinking that possibly I could come up with some cool ideas and then find plans somewhere on line. That is when I stumbled upon this site. I had difficulty saving the pic so I could go to photobucket & share with you but here's a LINK
Um- am I misssing something? This bed is most definitely cool! I think most little girls would LOVE it but what parent is going to spend over $15,000 on a bed????? It reminded me of the Say Yes to the Dress I saw this past weekend. A 23 year old had a custom made wedding dress for $27,000. Um, ok I'm not sure about her but at 23 I was ready for marriage & wouldn't hold out tons of hope for it. Then lets discuss the fact of what $15k or $23k could actually be put to good use for.

Man, I can spend money with the best of them. I can blow money in a way to put some people to shame if and when I have the money but seriously???? What am I missing????

Weekends

Ok- maybe its just me but at what point in your life to weekends become more chaotic than something to look forward to???? I'm not sure when this transition took place. That said I can also say that I'm incredibly bummed because my friend Steve said he'd go see The Expendables with me (I love Jason Statham!). Well, of course Steve is a bit flaky but I haven't seen the movie & I haven't heard from him. :( Men are truly such PITA's aren't they? I'm also getting to the point of looking forward to summer being over. Although the garden wasn't what I had planned on and there is still a month or two of growing time left I'm already looking forward to next years! School needs to start again although I'm beyond worried about this year. One of Princess Bears (PB) best friends isn't in the same room this year- something I'm so thankful for! PB still isn't reading yet which I had hoped would kick in over the summer but no such luck. Then the whole therapist situation is literally enough to make me sick to my stomach.

I had one more go round with my uncle over the cell phone. Its getting so completely old and I'm sure he feels that way as well but seriously do what you say & most of the problems would disappear.

I spent about an hour and a half with PB in her room today. Its perfectly cleaned up now. Things have been pretty good since I did the major gutting in July but she was slowly but surely not being picked up as well as it should have been. Sometimes I just doen't want to fight with her but why is picking up such a hassle? Honestly she spend and hour and a half in what could have been done in 15 minutes. My daughter has become quite the drama queen too. Her new line is that "______ is ruining my life" Sometimes blank is me sometimes my mom. Whoever she's grumpy with. Its so damn funny when she does it!

Well I'm off to finish up and order for the boutique to drop off. Hopefully I'll stick with this. It is an awfully nice release!

Ack- lets try this again!

Yes, so once again I've fallen off the face of the earth. I have more posts rambling around in my head but didn't actual do them. I did realize that a lot of it was generally ranting and then I realized that it perfectly acceptable. As a matter of fact thats what this basically started as. So I'm going to try to blog on a consistent basis and not bitch too horribly much! Since it is late I'm just going to do a brief rundown of life in these parts.

-I am the proud aunt to another nephew. Luke is so cute and for the most part a very chill baby (unless you're changing him that is!) He had some big issues with jaundice and still is. He goes back to the Dr tomorrow & I'm worried that he's going to be re-admitted to the hospital because the kid is freakin' yellow! I don't mean a bit yellow I mean holy crap yellow down to the whites of his eyes!!!!!!!!!!!

-My daughter has had a pretty good summer all in all. It was more productive than some of our other summers but as usual per my mother I haven't done enough (ugh!)

-I'm starting to do scrabble tiles for the boutique I sell at. I'm dropping off the first set tomorrow. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I really do need some money!

-I'm still as, or perhaps even more, on my quest for sustainable living. Our garden is still doing well & I'm going to try making homemade ketchup this year!

-Apparently we're moving. This is with mixed feelings. My parents have lived in this house since I was 18 months old. Although things are not the best now it was always a place that was here to come back to. The neighborhood has seen a decline but my folks still were ok with it. Then our neighbor who literally has been like a grandmother to me my entire life told us she's moving into assisted living. She is truly one of the most amazing people I know. Princess Bear (PB) wants to go there daily just to visit. It would be impossible to log how many hours I've spent sitting on her front porch talking. Well now that she's moving my parents feel theere is no reason to stay. They wouldn't have moved and left her here but thats no longer a consideration. I did find the almost perfect house for all of us. It has a 20' x 46' garage with an attic. In addition to parking for 2 vehicles it has a workroom and 2 offices. In all but the worse weather I figured that 1 office could be a playroom for PB and the other a craft/ work room for me. Then we'd be out of there hair most of the time.

My Poor Baby Girl

Princes Bear (PB) went to sleep last night so excited because she talked to her friend Shay who had major surgery yesterday morning and was relieved that Shay was ok. Ever since my dad's extended hospital stay PB panics about anyone being in the hospital. She was also excited because she had a playdate set up for Sunday with her other BFF Aidan who she hasn't seen since he transferred schools in October. His mom & I finally connected and the kids talked on the phone. It was so cute. Well, this morning PB woke up crying that her tummy hurt & running a 102.3* temp. I think this is pretty much wiping out our weekend! When I called her in at school I was actually put on hold. Evidentally this is hitting the school hard- joys of having kids in a germ factory. So that is the excitement on this end!

I love it when something finally clicks

So I've really been doing a lot of thinking and looking into habits that I want/need to change. Its scary how much time you can waste online. Its just a time sucker! That said I'm going to be watching what I do online.

Now for today's post- I think there has to be some sort of rule that a father and his son cannot procreate within the same decade. It just doesn't seem right does it? Now I'll be the first to admit that I've had a habit of dating men that are a bit older than I am (not much older; thinking in the 8- 10 years older range). I dated someone when I was at Great Lakes who had his first son when he was rather young. So you have me at 25/26 dating someone who is around 34. His first son was around 14 at the time. His son and I had a great relationship. We used to spend a lot of time just talking about life. I was the adult that he felt ok talking to. I thought this kid was a really good kid over all. His dad I and were friends for a long time after our spilt too. Actually I have no idea why we aren't still friends but that's a whole different post. Anyway, Chris is/was a good kid. He wound up becoming a father rather young (like father like son, right?). I was worried for him when he and his significant other wound up having 2 little ones while they were so young. He seemed to be really in love with her though and really enjoyed being a father. I found out that his dad has remarried for the 3rd time (I think) and has had another child or two. Then Chris and his first wife split and he just had a son with the new woman in his life. I could also go into a full fledged rant on what the hell it is about men having a son that turns them into puddles of mush that doesn't happen with daughters but again I think that's probably another post. Now Chris is on to a new relationship with a woman who is actually several years older than he his and he just had his 3rd child. All of this and he's the age I was when I was dating his dad. I was so not thinking of having kids let alone 3 at that point. It just makes me really sad overall. Sad that his dad is still playing the fatherhood game while trying to get relationships right and sad that Chris is following in his footsteps. His relationship with his daughters is going to be strained. I don't have warm fuzzies about the relationship he's in now so I wonder about his future relationship with his son. Just sad stuff.

Just another Manic Monday......

Man~ there's a lot going on but honestly I don't even know what!!! Princess Bear is doing very well in school & aceing all of her spelling tests so I'm a very proud mommy. Some weeks the words come easier than others but she's so close to really reading and so very excited about it. I think we'll have another bookworm in the family! When you tell her you have a surprise one of her first guesses is a trip the bookstore- there could definitely be worse things!

The weekend was riddled with lots of fighting with my mom. Big surprise, huh? I've also given up on the idea of having a "nice" Mother's Day until a) Princess Bear is older and b) we have moved out. My mom did come to the realization this weekend that the relationship we have is "unhealthy". She was actually surprised at this realization. Wonders never cease. Now the only downer of this realization is that she thinks all the changes have to be on my part. Baby steps right? I do feel like I'm in a position to take more control over my life & I feel really good about it so maybe things will smooth out all the way around!

PB is very excited- my parents bought a hummerbird feeder and we have one of my grandmothers left over that I'm going to clean as well. We put up the new one last night and PB was upset that the hummingbirds didn't come in droves. Patience young one! I've been pushing for a bird feeder so this is a good start! We have a very dear family friend that now as a wild turkey visting him daily and it eats out of his hand. He wondered if PB would like to see the turkey & called on Friday when the turkey was visiting him. PB got a kick out of it to see the least! It came within a few feet of us and she thought that was the coolest thing ever! I'm on a mission to plant some flowers so I can attract some hummingbirds and flowers as well as some seeds to attract other birds. I'm so immersed in my country lifestyle magazines and having a wonderful time with it! So thats the story on this end!

A case of the blahs

So I've been coming to the realization that I have a serious case of the blahs. In an attempt to get myself out of this I've been doing a bit of life evaluation and contemplation. With everything going on I think one of the biggest things I need to change is my diet. For a few reasons. Losing weight, feeling better and eating better foods certainly can't hurt. I also need to make sure Princess Bear is eating well. We packed her lunch today & she was thrilled. A good old peanut butter & jelly, sliced strawberries and sliced carrots. Lunchtime at school is usually a diaster with fights and name calling so I'm hoping that her bringing her lunch won't cause any problems.

I'm doing some major housecleaning trying to get the rooms all neat and pretty so my mom can quit bitching and then we can start the summer with nothing over our heads. I'm also trying to figure out some fun plans for the summer.

So thats what is going on in this neck of the woods- oh so exciting I tell you!

Really- not truly to be evasive

I'm not I swear! It just seems that my life is a force unto its self. I'm STILL fighting with the local school district and school board. I have yet another case of MRSA. If that isn't a kick in the head, guess what? Princess Bear has MRSA too. She was complaining about her head hurting. There was a little scab on Tuesday night. By Thursday night there was a HUGE, I mean ginormous bump there. On Friday night I got the great pleasure of putting my daughter in a bath, softening it up and emptying a pus filled mess. UGH! So thats life around these parts! Anybody else having fun?

Sarah

Man- if I get like this will someone hit me upside the head?

I know, I know I've been hiding. Actually I've been bummed & busting butt on the new blog. Things here are just really weighing on my & I feel spread so completely thin. I just want to curl up for awhile and hide. When I join the land of the living I want my house to be clean and my life to be in some semblance of order and then I want to kick life upside the head for throwing so many damn curve balls this way.

Now since I've actually "verbalized" this I suppose that I'll get off my duff and start making things happen for myself! Stay tuned folks!

Sarah

Where is time going?????

It seems as though this month is flying by. Although in some ways I feel like my life is very much standing still. There was one more blow out with my mother today. Same thing different day. Of course everything is my fault & I am the sole cause of all of her unhappiness. Ugh! The sad thing is that she really buys that!

My dad met with the oncologist yesterday. I was initially thrilled about this because the 2nd opinion my dad got from a Dr. was COMPLETELY different. We're not talking a bit different but totally different. The first Dr. told my dad that there was no way he would recommend radiation for my dad. Instead he thought surgery was the best option. The 2nd Dr. said that radiation would be just fine and the side effects would be much easier to deal with and my dad would have a higher quality of life with radiation. At that point my dad went into big time denial and was just going to take the wait and watch approach. My sister and I were truly at our wits end. Well, yesterday the oncologist tells my dad that if it was him he would wait and watch. My dad has to have the PSA test every 3 months and a biopsy every 6-12 months. Have they forgotten that the last biopsy left my dad with such a severe blood infection he could have died? He still isn't anywhere near recovered from the whole ordeal. Yet this is what they are going to do. Someone please wake me up when this is over, ok?

Ever feel like your life isn't yours?

Right now I'm not sure whose life I'm living but it doesn't feel like mine; nor do I think its one anyone else wants to pick up. I will be the first to admit that I'm feeling overwhelmed but please I'm usually more together than this. Right now I'm in hibernation mood (ugh- this is when I need my therapist on speed dial!)

Another quick update.

-The results from my staph infection were able to be tested and guess what???? Its MRSA! A nasal swab test was done last week and I'm still testing positive for MRSA in my blood stream. I had to put bactracine in my nose for 5 days and then I'm supposed to repeat the nasal swab. So keeping my fingers crossed!

-My dad come home from the hospital & has a picc line in. The home health nurse came last night and took blood cultures from my dad. These bottles still remind me of mini wine bottles. We're hoping his infection is under control enough that the picc line can be pulled and oral antibiotics can be started.

-My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Yes I'm perfectly aware that this is a highly diagnosed cancer and that it is supposedly easy to take care of with great results. This still doesn't take away from the fact that my dad has cancer. My dad who was always one of the strongest people I've known and is still reeling from this infection is now got to ask his body to fight even more. Yes I'm scared. Yes I'm pissed. The Dr is so lucky that I haven't nailed his a$# to the wall already.

-I am fighting with the school district and spearheading a parents movement to do the same. All of the therapist from Princess Bears school have been let go. The district is going to bring in there own therapist (ie less experienced therapist who they can pay less).

So I'm feeling a bit like my life is out of control & I'm not so ok with it. Hopefully I'll get over this pity party soon and just forge ahead and kick butt!

Sarah

Ugh....what day is it?

Ok so life has decided to hand me a bowl of lemons. As soon as I unbury myself my happy ass is going to buy a bottle of vodka and have some lemon drop shots! Just the short breakdown:

- My Dr. signed off on the multiple visits for my staph infection. He said the wound was healing well and he told me what to watch for. That night I moved the wrong way and opened up the wound...ugh! The good news is that infection didn't restart and I'm just sore. I can live with that.

-My dad had a biopsy to check for prostrate cancer. This is after a month and a half of a Dr. blowing off my dads calls pertaining to the test results. He had the biopsy Thursday. By Friday afternoon he had a temp and wasn't feeling well. By Friday evening he had passed a few blood clots but the Dr. wasn't too worried. Late Friday night he temp went up and he was shaking uncontrollably. My mom took him to the ER because his heart was also acting up. They checked him out and sent him home! He wound up returning to the ER on Saturday when his temp went up. He was admitted that evening and started on IV antibiotics. His temp went down to 99* and we thought things were looking up. Fast forward a few hours and his temp went up to 102.5*- the highest it had been. Its been up and down since. His temp will stay down and we think they're going to release them and then he spikes again. We're now waiting for the infectious disease Dr. to show up and let us know what is happening.

-Princess Bear (PB) got 2 vaccinations yesterday. She was a real trooper and I'm very proud of her. The problem is that like me PB doesn't do very well with shots and has a big knot in each arm and is in a fair amount of pain. For the child who rarely complains I'm a bit worried. She wanted some tylenol but the most recent reports say that giving a child tylenol after shots is lessening the affect of some immunizations. My poor kid is having one hell of a time.

-I have an IEP meeting for PB in a little bit and I'm so worried. The local school district has pink slipped all the therapists and no one has any idea of what is going on. I have left messages for the interim School Superintendent and he finally left a message yesterday. Apparently he things a message will suffice....he doesn't know me...yet!

So that is the rundown on things here. Anybody else want to join me for a few shots?

Sarah

Staph Infection

Ok- so it was mentioned to me this weekend that I've been ignoring this blog. I'M SORRY!!!! I have been concentrating on my other blog & and trying to get well. The following is a post about my staph infection that I shared on the other blog and I thought....hmmm....I should share this. Please share this with others you know as well. You don't have to link back here- just copy & paste if its easier. I just am still amazed about how much I've gone through for something that is relatively common but not much is known about it. So without further ado here it is!

Staph Infection

Ok- hopefully this doesn't cross the bounds into too much information but I thought since this happened to me & someone else I know that maybe a good general warning might be worthwhile! As I mentioned last friday I have been dealing with a staph infection. Let me tell you- it is NOT fun and it is REALLY painful! The amazing thing was that I had been at the Dr. with the staph infection and didn't mention because I thought it was a pimple! Yes you heard me right- I thought it was a pimple. Nothing more than an annoying little zit so I didn't mention it to her and consequently treatment wasn't started until 4 days later. In retrospect I could have saved myself so much time and agony if I knew the warning signs of a staph infection! Now this entire post is just from my personal experience and by no means am I a Dr but if you have something that looks like a pimple but is painful you might want to mention it to your Dr. Here is a bit of what the timeline looked like for me. Everytime I tell this to a different Dr I wonder if it would have progressed this much if I would have mentioned it the friday before.

Feb 26- Saw Dr. about a sinus infection. Didn't mention pimple like thing on my stomach.
Feb 27 & 28- was irritated by thing so I tried warm compresses
March 1- decided I was as smart as a Dr and tried performing surgery on myself (clearly never a good idea!) By the evening I was in very bad pain & called the Dr. after hours line. An appointment was made for the next morning.
March 2- Congrats you have a staph infection. Started Bactrim and told to apply warm compresses & come back on Thurs.
March 4- Returned for follow up. At that point my Dr. prescribed a second antibiotic to be taken with the Bactrim and a painkiller. A follow up appointment was made for Monday.
March 5- The infection had changed so much in 24 hours I didn't feel comfortable going into the weekend without my Dr. checking it again. Dr. agreed that the medical intervention was necessary but not quite yet (there wasn't enough infection centralized to cut into- gross I know!) An appointment was made with a surgeon for Monday afternoon. I was told if the wound opened over the weekend to get to the hospital as it would need to be professionally cleaned & packed.
March 6- still in a lot of pain and would was weeping but not open. The infection was very centralized by this point in time.
March 7- Again gross I'm sorry but the wound went from weeping to oozing and I began to fear that healthy tissue would get infected so I went to the ER. Dr. said I was very close to it breaking opening and would have been in before morning anyway. The Dr. gave me a local which is a horror story all its own but I won't share that! Then it was surgically opened, a sample taken in case the antibiotics don't finish clearing it up. The the wound was cleaned, irrigated and dead tissue was taken off. After that it was packed and I was told to keep my appointment with my regular Dr. and the surgeon.
March 8- My primary care told me to continue antibiotics and make a follow up appointment to have the wound repack depending on what the surgeon did that afternoon. Surgeon had no bedside manner whatsoever and yanked packed out without even warning me- grrrrrrrrrrr! After that he said it looked good & to follow up in a week.

All of this because it looked like I had a zit on my stomach and thought it wasn't worth mentioning to the Dr.
Moral of the story- if you're not sure have it checked!

I admit it- I'm a big baby!

I have a staph infection & it HURTS!!! I mean like a bunch! I've been sleeping almost constantly trying to give the antibiotics & my body a chance to kick this thing. I go back to my Dr. tomorrow for him to see how I'm responding & if it isn't to his liking I'm going to be admitted for IV antibiotics. This would be bad on SO many levels. Princess Bear (PB) would not do well with me being in the hospital and my parents wouldn't do well with taking care of her for a few days. I'm tired & whiny and just want this stupid thing to go away! Off for another nap!

Parental Guilt Sucks!

So from my last post you can see we FINALLY had new pictures of Princess Bear taken. We usually do a couple sets of pics at Christmas time but she was way too sick this year. One of the problems with taking pictures of Princess Bear is that she's on an eye drop that keeps her right eye constantly dialated so in theory her right eye will stregthen and we won't have vision loss like we've had on in the past. Well if you take pictures like that it looks REALLY weird. Her Dr is very good about this and took her off her eye drops in Sept. thinking we'd do pics and then resume right after Christmas. As it often happens with the best laid plans things went totally awry. So she's been off the drops for a long time & loving it. Long enough that she forgot how the drops really were. Last night was the first night of using them again and my heart just broke over and over for my poor baby. She has extremely limited vision in her left eye & the drops basically render the right eye useless. At one point last night she woke up to go to the bathroom and she was so upset that she just sat on the potty until I went back in that side of the house. I got her back to bed & was cuddling her and of course my mom starts bitching that I have things to do. Ok, I do but right now I think my priority should be making my baby feel better about what is going on. UGH!!! Fast forward to this morning and PB is still not totally acclimated to the vision situation and is repeatedly rubbing her eye. I try explaining that rubbing won't make it any easier that the drops are just working the way they are suppossed to. My mom then decides its the right time to bitch because I had PB off the eye drops for so long. Please shoot me now!

My happy girl!

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Need some input please!

I have a situation that has been going on for a few months that is really upsetting to me and I'm looking for some perspective & input so I'm going to have a contest for any said perspective & input! Please feel free (please please) to spread the word on this. I'll leave comments open for 2 weeks. The prize will be a $10 Target gift card or a Topsy Turvy Tomato planter. I will randomly pick from the comments to award the prize.

Some background info:
-I have been best friends with Jessi since we were 14 (we're now 36 & 37) and there is a group of us that have been best friends since the same time. The other two are Monika & Maria.
-Monika is married with 4 kids, Maria is married with 2 kids, I am unmarried with 1 child, and Jessi is unmarried & childless. Jessi is also in a relatively new relationship with someone named Andy. Maria, Monika & I are less than excited about this relationship because Andy has DEEPLY hurt Jessi more than once in they short time they've been together. I have expressed to Andy my distrust of him & his intentions.
-These friends of mine are fully aware of the situation at my house and the relationship with my mom. They have been witness to it for years.

Now onto the "situation"
One Sunday night in November my mom & I had a huge blowup and she told me she wanted me out that night. I sent a text message to my 3 best friends asking if I could stay with them for a night or so until I could get into a homeless shelter and figure out my next step (around here you cannot just go to a homeless shelter at any time. You have to check in and hope there is room- something that cannot be done on a Sunday night). I heard back from Monika very quickly asking what was going on & if I was ok. She said she didn't have a spare room at this time but she could put the baby in her room if I needed to stay. She also asked if I'd heard from Jessi since she had the most room out of the 3 of them. I replied back that I hadn't heard from Jessi but would let her know what was going on. Monika continued to check in with me throughout the evening to see how I was doing. I heard from Maria around 10:30pm and she asked what happened & if I was ok. Her phone had been off and charging. I never heard from Jessi that night. Nor the next day, or the day after that or anytime since. My mom & I worked through things (kind of) and I sent a text message to Monika & Maria telling them I was fine and would fill them in when I could talk. My feelings were horribly hurt as the week went on & I never heard from Jessi. This is supposed to be my best friend & I haven't heard word one from her. When I was having a 6 1/2 year old party for Princess Bear since she hadn't had her birthday party I had invited Maria & Monika & their kids. I then realized I was being small & sent Jessi a message since Princess Bear does love her. I told her about the tea party & her response was that she'd heard about it. Ok- I told her about it a few months earlier & couldn't quite figure out her deal. I asked her what the deal was & why she was being pissy. This someone led to a texting situation and finally she said she hadn't heard from me. Hmmm- maybe because I hadn't heard from you since a really bad situation in my life & I was a little hurt. Her response was "I love you but I cannot live with you" Well, I didn't ask to LIVE with you- I asked for a place to spend the night for a night or two! I think there is a huge difference! Jessi ended the texting with saying she didn't want to fight with me. No I'm sorry or anything along those lines. At that point I went from having my feelings very hurt to just being upset. I didn't try contacting Jessi in anyway for a few weeks. Jessi then sent me a text a few weeks later telling me that Zeus (her dog) was very ill. At first I was still so upset with her I didn't even want to deal with her or the situation. I also knew that I was being ridiculous & this wasn't the way a 22 year friendship should be played out. I sent her a text asking what was going on & to keep me posted. Shortly there after (either that night or the next day) I put "Sometimes friendships need to be evaluated" as my facebook status. In all actuality it wasn't even a reference to her. The next morning I wake up to a comment on my status from Andy saying how when that usually happens to him he finds if he looks in the mirror that is where the problem usually is. WHOA! All I could think is that this A-hole really needed to back off. The comment wasn't about Jessi & even if it was she is fully capable of defending herself. What is he doing putting himself in the middle of this. Next thing I know a few hours later I'm getting flying text messages from Jessi telling me how hurt she is that I would put something on Facebook about her and that she is heartbroken. Again the status was "Sometimes friendships need to be evaluated". NOTHING ABOUT HER!!!! I really didn't even think she would think it was about her until Andy came running to her rescue which is exactly what I told her. I mentioned that it wasn't even pertaining to her and nothing. She just stayed with the thought that it was about her. Maria actually told her who I was thinking of when I wrote that status comment. Still hadn't heard anything! On Christmas day Zeus died. Jess sent me a text. I started to text her back & realized that is not how I would have dealt with it if we weren't at odds so I called her. Of course she didn't pick up the phone so I left her a voicemail telling her how sorry I was & to let me know if she needed something. Jessi got a new dog a few days later. Still haven't heard from here. I sent her a text a few days later saying I had a coupon for some organic dog food if she wanted it. We sent a few texts back & forth so I thought things were ok. We obviously weren't going to deal with the issue but just move beyond it. Ok- not the best scenario but I can deal with it. I sent her a text the next day & once again didn't hear back from her and we're right back to square one.

So, please give me your opinion on this situation. I really don't think I've done anything wrong & even tried to be the bigger person. I'm still so hurt by the way Jessi has acted throughout the whole situation. Never ever have I asked the 3 of them for a place to stay so that in itself should have let them know how bad the situation was. Jessi was also told that the facebook status was not about her. Instead of apologizing for jumping my a** she did nothing. I also think that Andy is a major part in all of this. He was more than willing to try to put the fault on me by telling me to look in the mirror and he knows that Monika, Maria & I are very skeptical of him. Unfortunately for me I'm the loud outspoken one and am the only one who actually shared our doubts with him. What he has to realize is just because I'm the only one who said something doesn't mean I'm the only one thinking it. He had made several comments to Jessi in the past about me hating him. Not true but I think he didn't mind that there was something to create a rift between me & Jessi and don't think he is an unbiased opinion for her to seek on the matter. So, tell me-
1) Have I done anything wrong?
2) Have I been unfair?
3) What do you think I should do about the situation?

I'm asking for your advice so feel free to lay it out there!

Thank you, Mr. Virus!

I would like to thank the POS virus that invaded my daughters body leading to another Promptcare trip yesterday resulting in her being put on steroids once again and has apparently set up camp in my body too. Damn thing! Be gone with you!

New Blog

Please take a look and let me know what you think!!! Also feel free to spread the word if you want!!! Sarah Simplifies

Just a day

Ok- so I've got to admit I've really not got a whole lot. I'm trying to set up my other blog so when things calm down & can plow ahead with that one & I'm not feeling the best. I think a trip to the physicians assistant is in order. Now to find the time! I will share just a few of the quirks of my brain. Here we go with random musings!

-How does one know when they are seriously PMSy?
Well, if you happen to be me, it is a sure sign when you're sobbing watching The Wedding on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The show isn't on my must see list but occasionally its fun to watch. Last night they had a marathon leading up to the season finale. I also have to admit at this point in my life I have not real tracking system for when its that time of the month. After one of my best friends was hospitalized for blood clots in her lungs I got off the pill much to my gyno's dismay. I'm not in a relationship of any type that would require me to keep track so I basically don't. (You should see the nurses face at a Dr's appt when they ask when my last period is- I don't know a few weeks ago) So I realized as I was watching the Wedding preps on the show & crying it must be PMS

and one last how do you know

-How do you know when your cat is too fat?
Ok, I admit it. I have a fat cat. This is not exaggeration. Last time she was weighed she was 15 lbs and she weighs more now. My sister & bil call her Jabba the Cat. So yes I am fully aware my cat is fat- she fits in with the household perfectly! That said when said cat is so fat she can not clean herself well & I have to clean her privates the cat is too fat! Bathing a cat is not fun if you haven't tried it, so Fluff is heading for a diet!

Well, that's it for this side!
Sarah