Steve part deux

Ok so a recap- I'm totally and completely into this guy Steve and Princess Bear (PB) adores him as well. I also knew that since my relationships all have a tendency to blow up that if nothing happened with Steve I was cool with that. His friendship was really important to me and PB. It was awesome to have a guy friend who made me laugh that much. That is probably the thing I miss the most since my Great Lakes days. On with the story- I always send Steve text messages and he never replies. He's one of those anti phone guys (I think its a genetic male trait actually). Anyway I was having a really shit day and I had called him earlier and left a message that I was going to Barnes & Noble if he wanted to meet for coffee and if not that was fine too. Well the day continued to go downhill. The clincher was PB looking at me and telling me that she hated me. Yeah, that one just warmed the cockles of my heart, gotta tell you! I was hoping we'd hit the tween years at the earliest before that one was unleashed. I text several friends telling them about it and asking for any advice. Steve was one of the people I text. Several girlfriends come back with the "she didn't mean it" "you're a great mom" and whatnot. Then my phone beeps with another text message and its from Steve. Ok- could have pushed me over with a feather! I sat there & kind of stared at the phone for a few minutes and wondering what the hell that was all about. I sent Susie a text saying that Steve had text back and I was scared to open it. It was like one of those Mission Impossible moments that I thought the phone might self destruct when I opened the text message. Then I did the well maybe he has a girlfriend now & she's telling me to stop texting. Just weird random thoughts. Susie is like you've got to read it and let me know. Steve's message was basically him remembering whenever he said that to his mom she would reply "too bad because I love you anyway" and telling me that he hoped my night got better. I replied that his mom sounded like a really smart lady. From there on out Steve actually replied to texts and it was awesome. We could have an entire text conversation. This was all around the time of when I really started babysitting both of my nephews a lot and Tyler was going through real sibling issues. Since Steve is the 2nd youngest of 7 I would often ask him what his reaction was to Karl coming home (another brother I know well and love to give shit to). This was also the beginning of the school year and PB was having trouble with the hoodlum from hades as well as just adjusting to a new school year and all of the changes in her life. She and her cousins are more like siblings than cousins in many aspects. She was delighted having a new cousin but was not thrilled that my parents were constantly at my sisters helping since my sister was so sick. She was basically feeling deserted by my parents. One day she had a melt down that she was home to see Caillou and I forgot to record it for her. My mom told me to just take her to Barnes & Noble after school & let her pick a new Caillou video. Time for some more back story- I have a small issue with catching the car bumper on the parking blocks. I don't know if its because I'm so dang short of it I have absolutely no depth perception at all. Regardless its an issue. Steve had fixed it for me many times when he was still working at Franks. Well as PB and I were leaving Barnes and Noble I once again had caught the bumper- this time though the whole bumper starts yanking off. I immediately go into panic mode thinking that my parents are going to flip the hell out. I tried jamming it back on- yeah that didn't work so well. I called down to Franks & told him what was going on. He said that the guys were getting ready to go home & it would have to wait until the next day. Um- no I'll be dead by then. I get in the car and immediately start heading for Steve's house. I called him and he answered- something he NEVER did. I told him what was going on and he said to head over to the house & he'd meet me there. I got there first and turned in his neighbors driveway to park in front of his house so I wouldn't block the driveway. As I did the the bumper finally gave up the ghost and fell completely off. I finished parking and unbuckled PB. We were getting out of the car as Steve pulled up. He told me to park by the garage. He neighbor was looking out the window and I'm sure wondering what the heck is going on- that chick just left her bumper in someone's driveway. I got out and went to recover the bumper but Steve and PB beat me to it. Now I also have to say that I was looking like death run over. My hair wasn't the best because the night before had been a no wash night and it was thrown back in a clip as well as a few other things. I was pretty mortified that Steve was seeing me this way. He was just his awesome self and fixed the car right up. I thanked him all over the place and told him that I owed him dinner. A bit later I text him to thank him again and asked him what kind of pasta he wanted- tetrazinni or carbonara. Silly me- the man loves anything with bacon so I really didn't even need to ask. While he was fixing the car we were talking about my sister reading me the riot act for watching Sons of Anarchy. I was white trash yada yada yada. He just laughed. A few days later it was my birthday and I took that weeks episode of Sons of Anarchy over there. The idea was to make him watch it then. We sat down and watched it and had a nice afternoon. I don't do well with silence. The fact that I watched an entire episode with someone there and didn't talk was a real sign of how comfortable I felt with him. When it was time for me to pick up PB from school I tried convincing Steve to come with because we were going to get ice cream. No such luck. I picked up PB from school and she was excited that we were getting ice cream but she wanted to take some to Steve. Now you have to understand that I didn't suggest this to her and hadn't mentioned that I was over there earlier. I told her that I wasn't sure if he was home. She decided that we'd get ice cream for him and go over anyway. Can you tell my child has determination? So we hit Culvers and picked up ice cream. As we were turning onto the road to get to Steve's house he was turning from the opposite direction. I had called him and left a message so he knew what was up. We went in had our ice cream and had a nice time. Steve took PB across the street to the woods to see if the deer were close enough to see and then he took her down to the playground. She had a ball. Downside- she overheated. It wasn't a big deal- just kind of another day in the life of PB. I had a PTA meeting that night & I called my parents to see if they wanted me to feed PB before I went or if they had dinner plans including her. My mom said that she didn't care. So we stayed an visited a bit longer and then took off. Well, my mom had a complete fit when we got home. Now this isn't unusual for my mom as its just part of her delightful demeanor. She didn't really believe me that I didn't suggest to PB that we should go over to Steve's until I told her that I'd already seen him that day. Since then she's very used to PB asking to go to Steve's and has actually helped trying to explain to PB why we haven't seen Steve lately. Hell- I don't understand it so how can my 7 year old daughter? The week after my birthday I went over to Steve's to see his newest toy that he brought back from a trip back to Kansas. Since shortly after my birthday Steve had stopped returning texts. Just as quickly has it started it stopped. Then I was deleted from his Facebook friends list. Silly me- I thought it was some sort of accident and sent a new friend request. Steve cut off all communication. I tried several times asking what was going on. I was nice and then eventually bitchy. PB wasn't understanding why she couldn't see her Steve. I finally told him that he was really important to PB and since the problem was apparently with me that I would stay in the car when I went took her to visit him. The next time I took her there was early December. She was thrilled that he was home and I let her visit. A few minutes later she came out and told me to come in. I thought it was an invitation from Steve. We went in and talked for a few and I asked him why he'd 86'd me from his life. No real answer. On the way home I asked PB about Steve asking me in and she admitted that she asked if I could come in. I told her that wasn't part of the bargain and she wouldn't be able to visit him if she did that again. I sent him a text apologizing and letting him know that I talked to PB and hopefully she understood the rules now. That was the last time that either of us have seen Steve. I tend to hibernate in winter anyway so it wasn't too much of a surprise. Lately though PB has been asking for him constantly. I usually tell her that he's busy with work or some other lame excuse that I hope will appease her. The other day we had to drive near his house when we were on the way to Fresh Market with my mom and she was screaming that she wanted her Steve. We reminded her that we were going to the store & she'd get a cookie so she chilled a bit. On the way home the scenario repeated. For whatever reason my mom's decided that Steve is bipolar. First of all I think its funny that my mom would diagnose anyone when she won't admit her own issues. Also how she came to the bipolar diagnosis I'm not completely sure. Anyway it was kind of fun trying to listen to my mom explaining to PB that it wasn't her fault or mine or anyone else's for that matter that Steve wasn't being nice or friendly. On Tuesday of this week (a mere 4 days after the above scene) PB started asking for Steve again. I once again told her that he was at work. She decided she'd call him. I gave her my cell phone and she left a message. Hopefully she'll be appeased for awhile. I'd just give my eyeteeth to understand why Steve decided to axe me out of his life. As I said I was completely ok with the fact that nothing romantic would happen. Disappointed but ok with it. His friendship meant a lot more. I can handle the disappointment. I may not like it but I can wrap my head around it. I am very pissed that my little girl has gotten hurt. I tried making it easy for him to still be the hero he was to her while staying off to the side. To say I don't get any of this would be an understatement.

The heart is a funny frustrating thing!

I don't know why I'm just now broaching this subject. Perhaps because I'm still somewhat afraid of someone I don't want finding it coming across my blog. Ever since an ex of mine found it I've worried. Its just I need to sort out some feelings about Steve. Haven't heard that name have you? Steve is a dear friend of mine and Princess Bear (PB). I adore Steve in ways that I don't even understand and I'm not the only one. PB is a one child Steve adoration platoon. Steve is a family friend- kind of. PB & I are closest to him. His brother is our mechanic and close to the whole family and we know several other brothers too. Steve used to work for his brother which is how we met him as he'd previously been living in another state. I guess I should have been a bit leery as he has a pretty solid reputation of cutting people out of this life- especially family. Before he moved here he'd not talked to Frank for a long time. Karl and he had been very close and he'd cut out Karl & his family until recently. There's a lot of speculation on what Steve's issues are- most something definitely in the mental health family. As someone who's dealt with my own issues its pretty recognizable. That said Steve was a really great friend to me and PB. She adores her Steve as she calls him. One day we went to the garage to get something on the car looked at and she went bouncing into the back to find Steve and we found out that he'd quit. No warning, nada. The guys came in one day & found Steve had returned all the tools he'd been given as various gifts and a lawn mower. Ok- not particularly cool but not something we really needed to get involved in. PB was devastate that she couldn't see her Steve but really wasn't grabbing the full concept. I'd sent him a few text messages and never heard anything back. Steve isn't big on the phone in the first place so that wasn't much of a surprise. Steve & I were facebook friends and we talked on there occasionally and he always kept up with things I said on Facebook. Steve had been living with Frank & got his own place shortly before quitting Franks. Well finally after PB asking for her Steve on a very regular basis and having a fit when we did have to go deal with something on the car and him not being there I gave in and took her to his house to visit. He seemed to take it in stride and she was so thrilled.

Now here's my emotional disclosure on all of this. I have a thing for Steve. Won't even try to deny it. I am so attracted to this man in all ways possible- his intellect, we have common interests and I'm completely hot for his body. Now thats kind of a puzzler because he really isn't "my type". Just a refresher- my type is TALL (gotta be at least 6' but preferably taller), blonde, blue eyed and please be rocking a few tats ok! Well, Steve isn't that tall, has brownish blonde hair, green eyes and no ink. Hell- who these days other than my brother in law has no ink? Steve! Now all that said I'll do the short list (and this is just the short list) of what I like about the man. First of all he's scary smart and a smart funny guy is sexy as all hell! He's also crazy funny! The guy can and does make me smile on an almost constant basis. We both love reading, the same music- especially some of the same old school stuff. He was a skater and frankly the only person I've met in the last 15 years that knew who Natas Kapas is. One day I put some Ramones lyrics on Facebook & he was like "Yeah!". Love it! Then there is the fact that the guy is so good and caring with my daughter. It wasn't by any means what made my heart go pitter patter for the guy but it definitely clinched it. He never spoke down to her or treated her like she wasn't capable of understanding something. He was also protective of her. He lives near a grade school and there is a short cut from the school to the playground by his house. He was worried that she would sneak out of school one day and try to come visit him. Actually he worried that she wouldn't be home when she did it. Yeah- melt my heart.

Now I knew that I was into this guy. He was all of the above and I wanted him 30 different ways. That said I knew the most important thing was our friendship. Chances of relationships working out- especially mine are not high and friendships are precious. I made the call early on that I was fine if nothing happened between me and Steve as long as he and I remained friends and he was still an important part of PB's life.

I'll have to finish this up later- gotta get ready for OT & then babysitting! fun fun!