I love it when something finally clicks

So I've really been doing a lot of thinking and looking into habits that I want/need to change. Its scary how much time you can waste online. Its just a time sucker! That said I'm going to be watching what I do online.

Now for today's post- I think there has to be some sort of rule that a father and his son cannot procreate within the same decade. It just doesn't seem right does it? Now I'll be the first to admit that I've had a habit of dating men that are a bit older than I am (not much older; thinking in the 8- 10 years older range). I dated someone when I was at Great Lakes who had his first son when he was rather young. So you have me at 25/26 dating someone who is around 34. His first son was around 14 at the time. His son and I had a great relationship. We used to spend a lot of time just talking about life. I was the adult that he felt ok talking to. I thought this kid was a really good kid over all. His dad I and were friends for a long time after our spilt too. Actually I have no idea why we aren't still friends but that's a whole different post. Anyway, Chris is/was a good kid. He wound up becoming a father rather young (like father like son, right?). I was worried for him when he and his significant other wound up having 2 little ones while they were so young. He seemed to be really in love with her though and really enjoyed being a father. I found out that his dad has remarried for the 3rd time (I think) and has had another child or two. Then Chris and his first wife split and he just had a son with the new woman in his life. I could also go into a full fledged rant on what the hell it is about men having a son that turns them into puddles of mush that doesn't happen with daughters but again I think that's probably another post. Now Chris is on to a new relationship with a woman who is actually several years older than he his and he just had his 3rd child. All of this and he's the age I was when I was dating his dad. I was so not thinking of having kids let alone 3 at that point. It just makes me really sad overall. Sad that his dad is still playing the fatherhood game while trying to get relationships right and sad that Chris is following in his footsteps. His relationship with his daughters is going to be strained. I don't have warm fuzzies about the relationship he's in now so I wonder about his future relationship with his son. Just sad stuff.

Just another Manic Monday......

Man~ there's a lot going on but honestly I don't even know what!!! Princess Bear is doing very well in school & aceing all of her spelling tests so I'm a very proud mommy. Some weeks the words come easier than others but she's so close to really reading and so very excited about it. I think we'll have another bookworm in the family! When you tell her you have a surprise one of her first guesses is a trip the bookstore- there could definitely be worse things!

The weekend was riddled with lots of fighting with my mom. Big surprise, huh? I've also given up on the idea of having a "nice" Mother's Day until a) Princess Bear is older and b) we have moved out. My mom did come to the realization this weekend that the relationship we have is "unhealthy". She was actually surprised at this realization. Wonders never cease. Now the only downer of this realization is that she thinks all the changes have to be on my part. Baby steps right? I do feel like I'm in a position to take more control over my life & I feel really good about it so maybe things will smooth out all the way around!

PB is very excited- my parents bought a hummerbird feeder and we have one of my grandmothers left over that I'm going to clean as well. We put up the new one last night and PB was upset that the hummingbirds didn't come in droves. Patience young one! I've been pushing for a bird feeder so this is a good start! We have a very dear family friend that now as a wild turkey visting him daily and it eats out of his hand. He wondered if PB would like to see the turkey & called on Friday when the turkey was visiting him. PB got a kick out of it to see the least! It came within a few feet of us and she thought that was the coolest thing ever! I'm on a mission to plant some flowers so I can attract some hummingbirds and flowers as well as some seeds to attract other birds. I'm so immersed in my country lifestyle magazines and having a wonderful time with it! So thats the story on this end!

A case of the blahs

So I've been coming to the realization that I have a serious case of the blahs. In an attempt to get myself out of this I've been doing a bit of life evaluation and contemplation. With everything going on I think one of the biggest things I need to change is my diet. For a few reasons. Losing weight, feeling better and eating better foods certainly can't hurt. I also need to make sure Princess Bear is eating well. We packed her lunch today & she was thrilled. A good old peanut butter & jelly, sliced strawberries and sliced carrots. Lunchtime at school is usually a diaster with fights and name calling so I'm hoping that her bringing her lunch won't cause any problems.

I'm doing some major housecleaning trying to get the rooms all neat and pretty so my mom can quit bitching and then we can start the summer with nothing over our heads. I'm also trying to figure out some fun plans for the summer.

So thats what is going on in this neck of the woods- oh so exciting I tell you!

Really- not truly to be evasive

I'm not I swear! It just seems that my life is a force unto its self. I'm STILL fighting with the local school district and school board. I have yet another case of MRSA. If that isn't a kick in the head, guess what? Princess Bear has MRSA too. She was complaining about her head hurting. There was a little scab on Tuesday night. By Thursday night there was a HUGE, I mean ginormous bump there. On Friday night I got the great pleasure of putting my daughter in a bath, softening it up and emptying a pus filled mess. UGH! So thats life around these parts! Anybody else having fun?

Sarah

Man- if I get like this will someone hit me upside the head?

I know, I know I've been hiding. Actually I've been bummed & busting butt on the new blog. Things here are just really weighing on my & I feel spread so completely thin. I just want to curl up for awhile and hide. When I join the land of the living I want my house to be clean and my life to be in some semblance of order and then I want to kick life upside the head for throwing so many damn curve balls this way.

Now since I've actually "verbalized" this I suppose that I'll get off my duff and start making things happen for myself! Stay tuned folks!

Sarah

Where is time going?????

It seems as though this month is flying by. Although in some ways I feel like my life is very much standing still. There was one more blow out with my mother today. Same thing different day. Of course everything is my fault & I am the sole cause of all of her unhappiness. Ugh! The sad thing is that she really buys that!

My dad met with the oncologist yesterday. I was initially thrilled about this because the 2nd opinion my dad got from a Dr. was COMPLETELY different. We're not talking a bit different but totally different. The first Dr. told my dad that there was no way he would recommend radiation for my dad. Instead he thought surgery was the best option. The 2nd Dr. said that radiation would be just fine and the side effects would be much easier to deal with and my dad would have a higher quality of life with radiation. At that point my dad went into big time denial and was just going to take the wait and watch approach. My sister and I were truly at our wits end. Well, yesterday the oncologist tells my dad that if it was him he would wait and watch. My dad has to have the PSA test every 3 months and a biopsy every 6-12 months. Have they forgotten that the last biopsy left my dad with such a severe blood infection he could have died? He still isn't anywhere near recovered from the whole ordeal. Yet this is what they are going to do. Someone please wake me up when this is over, ok?

Ever feel like your life isn't yours?

Right now I'm not sure whose life I'm living but it doesn't feel like mine; nor do I think its one anyone else wants to pick up. I will be the first to admit that I'm feeling overwhelmed but please I'm usually more together than this. Right now I'm in hibernation mood (ugh- this is when I need my therapist on speed dial!)

Another quick update.

-The results from my staph infection were able to be tested and guess what???? Its MRSA! A nasal swab test was done last week and I'm still testing positive for MRSA in my blood stream. I had to put bactracine in my nose for 5 days and then I'm supposed to repeat the nasal swab. So keeping my fingers crossed!

-My dad come home from the hospital & has a picc line in. The home health nurse came last night and took blood cultures from my dad. These bottles still remind me of mini wine bottles. We're hoping his infection is under control enough that the picc line can be pulled and oral antibiotics can be started.

-My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Yes I'm perfectly aware that this is a highly diagnosed cancer and that it is supposedly easy to take care of with great results. This still doesn't take away from the fact that my dad has cancer. My dad who was always one of the strongest people I've known and is still reeling from this infection is now got to ask his body to fight even more. Yes I'm scared. Yes I'm pissed. The Dr is so lucky that I haven't nailed his a$# to the wall already.

-I am fighting with the school district and spearheading a parents movement to do the same. All of the therapist from Princess Bears school have been let go. The district is going to bring in there own therapist (ie less experienced therapist who they can pay less).

So I'm feeling a bit like my life is out of control & I'm not so ok with it. Hopefully I'll get over this pity party soon and just forge ahead and kick butt!

Sarah