A monkey wrench in things

Things have been a bit crazy here  but I really  hope they are on there way to calming down.  A few months ago I had an appointment with the physicians assistant who is just awesome.  She really listens.  I know the regular Dr. tries but with so many rules they have to follow and working in such limited time it is really tough.  So I looked at LeeAnn (the PA) and said that I was so tired of feeling sick and tired.  She said she was going to run some blood tests to check thyroid levels.  I told her that those have been run before and they always came back normal.  She said she was ordering some additional tests and dig a bit deeper.  Hence the reason that I think she's awesome.  So down to the lab I went with Princess Bear (PB) tagging along.  She saw them line up many vials for the blood draw and was glad that it was my turn to be stuck.  In addition to regular thyroid they also checked thyroid antibodies, lupus and a few other random tests.  As always the regular thyroid tests came back normal.  The low end of normal but normal.  The lupus was negative- thank G-d!  The thyroid antibodies on the other hand were anything but normal.  The number for the antibody is supposed to be no greater than 35.  Mine was 766.  Since I'm used to doing a fair amount of research for PB's different needs I took to the internet to check things out.  My Dr. really hates when I do that.  Ooops!  I was completely right in my diagnosis of Hashimoto's disease though.  The Dr. sent me to an endocrinologist right away since he wasn't sure how to treat this with some numbers being fine and others being so completely out of control.  The endocrinologist said that it was a bit unusual but still decided that since the antibodies were so high that it was a good idea to start treatment.  So now there is no one in my family that has a correctly working thyroid.  Such much for me being the last hold out.  I'm still the only one with not a single  cavity and I'm holding onto that one dang it! lol   So, I was started on meds to help with the thyroid.  I haven't noticed a huge difference yet but even a bit of change has helped. 

I took PB to the Dr. last friday because she's been complaining that her legs hurt.  She was complaining a lot.  My mom thought she was faking it to get out of doing her chores.  I still wanted it checked out.  This isn't the first time that she has been known to complain about joint pain.  The Dr. moved all her joints in various ways.  The last time she was in for joint pain her knees were the problem.  While the Dr. was checking her joints this time both her knees popped with very little movement.  The Dr. said it was time to finally give this an official diagnosis.  I think he'd been trying to hold off until he was completely sure.  He said that PB has something called Hypermobility Syndrome.  He's got a referral in for a local rheumatologist.  This is upsetting on so many levels.  First and foremost because its something else that PB needs to deal with.  It seems like for all the gains she makes there are always more steps backwards.  Also PB is a very, very, very active kid that needs a lot of movement just to help with her sensory issues.  This Hypermobility Syndrome can really limit what she is able to do without hurting herself.  Her activities were already limited because of the fact that she can't control her body temperature.  One of her favorite activities is yoga.  If the Dr. says she can continue with yoga I'm going to have to watch her very carefully to make sure she doesn't hurt, pull, tear or break anything. 

Now for the good news. Horseback riding therapy starts today.  PB is thrilled beyond words.  Her spring break has been a bit low key because my parents were home sick and we were playing nurse for them.  She did convince me to give her a gel polish mani yesterday.  Today she got her outfit for riding already.  Everything is set up down to the pink riding boots.  She then spent the morning watching Season 1 episodes of the Farm Kings and waiting for it to warm up enough to go outside to play.  So despite everything she faces she is still a happy little girl.  It doesn't get much better than that, does it?

Why I'll never be a nurse

I started taking the pre-req classes to enter a nursing program when Princess Bear (PB) was a wee one.  The hours and pay seemed like a nice fit for a single mom.  There were just a few problems with this plan.  The first is that I really don't like the sight of blood.  Then there is the fact that my patience has a tendency to wear very thin after dealing with sick people for awhile.  PB and I have been playing nurses for my parents who have been sick.  I can handle making numerous mugs of tea.  Hell, I'll join in!  I can make chicken soup with the best of them.  It's the whiny part that inevitably comes along with taking care of a sick person that really grates on my nerves.  I'm praying that PB doesn't come down with whatever this is since I really am out of patience. 

Yeah, I know I'm sounding very whiny myself.  Better to vent here than go off on someone in the house, right?   On that note I'm going to go make one last round of tea, switch laundry and curl up with a book.  Hopefully I'll crash soon!  Tomorrow I'm opening the house up wide and airing out the germs!  Have a good one!

What is wrong with the kids today?

I'm going right into my post today.  I'll explain my absence in a day or so.  There is something that happened over the weekend that really has been bothering me and deserves some posting space. 

I'm sure that every generation to some extent has uttered the words "what is wrong with kids nowadays?".  You had the damn hippies protesting the Vietnam conflict.  Before that girls were swooning when Elvis started shaking his hips.  There's always been something that had adults shaking there head and wondering what was happening to the youth of the day.  I know that I gave my parents and school admin a run for their money when I decided as a sophomore in high school to buzz cut my hair except for my bangs.  In my defense it was the late 80's and the punk movement had gone into the full on alternative scene.  I was just stuck at a Catholic high school and such things were frowned upon.  Anyway, I digress.  This is about kids NOW.  In 2013.  I'm not trying to sound like an old foggy but seriously what the bloody hell is wrong with kids now?  I find myself thinking this often.  You have kids shooting each other with little regard to human life.  You have babies having babies because it's "accepted" now.  The real kicker (for this week anyway) is kids raping kids, passing around pics of it and then trying to cover it up.  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???!!!!!!??? 

I'm of course referring to the Steubenville rape case.  Unless you've been hiding under a rock hopefully you're aware of what I'm talking about.  If not take a few minutes and look it up.  Long story short goes like this:  high school kids attend party and drink.  Girl at said party gets drunk.  She was also possibly drugged.  There are varying accounts on this.  The girl was then raped, photographed and possibly urinated on.  She was then dumped on her parents front lawn.  The boys who raped her were football players for the local high school.  The coach knew about the incident and the boys had to sit out one game.  ONE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now things got really interesting when the "hacktivist" group Anonymous became involved.  I know that people have varying opinions about Anonymous.  Personally for the most part I'm a fan.  I follow them on Twitter and a few Anon feds on Facebook.  I remember the night that they first started bringing attention to the Steubenville rape case.  Thank G-d they did.   Otherwise the town would have happily swept this under the rug and gone on with their merry little lives.  You've gotta protect those all important football players!!!  (note the sarcasm).  Anonymous brought the Steubenville rape to national attention and encouraged peaceful protests.  Thankfully through their work and a few bloggers as well the case did get the attention it deserved.  Two boys were ultimately charged.  Five more were given immunity for their testimony.  That part really makes me sick.  The boys were found guilty and will spend time in juevie.  Gee, that's enough to make up for running a girls life.  Also please don't tell me that I'm being dramatic when I say that her life is ruined.  She will never be the same.  She will always have trust issue and she will always have this hanging over her like an albatross although she just was a dumb teenager who drank at a party.  I'm pretty sure you'd be hard pressed to find a high schooler that hasn't been to a party and drank.  The girls name was also revealed by CNN, Fox News and MSNBC.  Apparently at the sentencing one of the boys charged apologized to the victim and used her name.  CNN, Fox News and MSNBC didn't rub 2 brain cells together and bleep out her name.  So you can add that the the list of wrongs done to the victim.  If this young lady is able to get the mental health help that she needs and is able to move on from this what happens if in the future someone up to and including future children Google her name?  Also because kids are inherently mean you have those who will bully her for this.  It's already started.  2 girls made online threats.  They've been charged.  Good.  What about those who don't do it online but in person.  Where is this girl supposed to go to school?  Shop?  Have any sense of a normal life? 

The cherry on the top of this whole case was CNN running a segment that basically was an "Oh these poor boys.  They had their futures taken from them."  Yes seriously. 

I've never understood the concept of blame the victim.  It doesn't matter what she was or wasn't wearing.  It doesn't matter whether or not she was drunk.  None of it matters.  It surely wouldn't matter if it was your sister, cousin, aunt, daughter or other beloved that went through this.  The moral compass of this country is broken.  It's not just a bit off it's freaking broken people!  We need to take the time to raise our kids with a solid sense of morals and compassion.  It should include things like:

-All people are deserving of your respect regardless of race, sex, religion, sexuality and many other factors.  Personally I live in fear for my daughter who is developmentally delayed will be teased because kids are cruel. 
-The victim never EVER asks for something to happen to them regardless of how they dress or whatever bad decisions they make.
-Kids need to know that if they see something wrong happening they need to stand up and stop it.  Not join in or blend in to the background.  They boys that raped the girl were obviously guilty but so was every person that saw it and said nothing.  Read about it and did nothing.  I know that people never like a snitch.  I get that.  There is a difference between being a snitch and standing up for what is blatantly wrong. 

I really hope I'm a strong enough parent to raise my daughter to be a kind, upstanding person.  I really hope other parents share my views on this.  The world is a scary, intimidating place to navigate as it is.   I've never understood those people that loved high school and want to go back.  High school, regardless of who you are, is a nerve wracking time.   I just want my daughter to live a good, happy, fulfilled life and be a kind, caring person.  It shouldn't be that hard of a feat but the world is a mean, cold place.  So knowing that I will just pray that my best is good enough to get her into adulthood and that she becomes a person she can be proud of. 

Homeschooling would be so much easier

Well that is if my daughter and I could actually get the work done without one of us throttling the other.  She gets so pissy when I do extra work with her that it's almost entertaining.  Almost but not quite.  I'm sure to anyone else looking in on the whole mess it's quite hilarious.  For me not so much.  It makes me want to open a bottle of wine and go hide for awhile. 

What brings up the topic of homeschooling?  Princess Bear (PB) is sick again.  It's been going on for a week and a half.  She keeps on running a low grade temp that never really goes away.  She's also been very tired and her color is just bad.  I took her to the Dr. today.  I asked the nurse Diane to put some Emla cream on PB's arm since I was pretty sure he'd send her to the lab for blood tests.  The same child who was cackling with glee when I got several vials of blood drawn yesterday wasn't so thrilled when it was her turn.  The Dr. was a bit worried about the size of her thyroid.  He did say that her liver is not enlarged so even if the Gilbert's syndrome is acting up because she's not feeling well that she's hydrated enough that it isn't bothering the kidney.  I was very thankful to hear that.  The Dr. also decided to check for mono, lupus and a few other things.  I hope to have some results back by Friday.  The Dr. wants me to keep her home the rest of this week and perhaps part of next week.  I know her teacher will poop bricks sideways when she hears this.  Frankly it isn't a thrill a minute for me to have a sick kiddo home.  I can pretty much count on staying home and trying to keep her entertained while still doing some school work.  Not exactly a thrill a minute.  The Dr. just really wants to make sure that she's hydrated enough, getting enough rest and not exposed to anyone that is sick since she wouldn't be able to fight off anything right now. 

While there are times that I dread sending my daughter to school I know it's the best thing so I do it.  I know that I can't wrap her up in a little cocoon and keep her home safe and sound.  That said I'm also not sending her when it's not in her best interest.  The school gets very pissy when kids have extended absences because at some point that have to provide in home tutoring.  I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that. I've been picking up PB's work from school and helping her with it.  I don't want her to fall behind and for the most part it hasn't been too bad.  It just reminds me that there is no way that we could actually homeschool on a full time basis.  No way no how. 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that this is just some random virus that PB is having a tough time fighting off.  Will post more as I find out what is going on.  Have a good one. 

Life lessons

My sister and I have always joked that being stuck in the car with my mom is always a bad thing.  She takes full advantage of the situation and runs with it.  It's not like you're going to jump out of the car, right?  The other day Princess Bear (PB) and I were driving my mom down to the courthouse.  She was doing her civic duty and had to report for jury duty.  She out of no where asked me about my former best friend Jessi.  I told her that I had no idea how Jessi was doing.  She just kind of looked at me.  She asked if Maria & I talked about Jessi.  Nope not really.  No need.  It's not that I don't care necessarily its just that I don't give a damn.  If there was something awful going on with her I guess I could keep her in mind and pray for her but it's not like I would contact her.  I tried time and time again to patch things up with her.  You can't shake hands with a fist.  It would have been incredibly difficult for me to put everything behind and try to give the friendship another go but for quite awhile I was willing to try.  She'd been my best friend for over 2 decades.  I love her dearly.  That said I can now say that I don't trust her and can't depend on her so what is the point of trying to salvage the friendship?  I always think back to the night that I was putting together the canopy/tent for PB's bed.  It was a major PITA and not a one person job.  Unfortunately I was the only one around and had promised PB it would get done.  I called her and left a message LAUGHING saying something to the effect of "where are you when I need help!" and hung up.  She called me the next day all worried that something was really wrong.  Um, no.  I was told to not leave messages like that ever again.  Ok.  Then shit really hits the fan with my mother and she decides to use me as a punching bag- in front of my daughter.  I also know my mom well enough that if I would have hit her back she would have had my a$$ arrested in a second.  So as much as I hate it better to just block shots as well as possible and then document later.  I did something that night that I never, ever had done before.  I sent a text to Jessi, Maria and Monika asking for a place to stay for the night.  My mom was clearly out of control and said I had to get out of the house that night.  I don't know about where you live but you can't just show up and a homeless shelter and get a bed to crash in.  Here you have to do and intake process and then show up at a certain time.  I was mortified to send that text to my friends regardless of the fact that I considered them my 3 best friends in this world. They know how my mom is so that isn't exactly the point.  It's more the fact that I just don't discuss the blowups.  So I sent the text to the 3 of them.  Monika was the only who replied back that night.  She basically said that they didn't have a guest room anymore but if I needed to stay that she could put the baby in her room.  She also asked if I heard from Jess since she had the most room.  Again she said that if I needed to it could be figured out.  The next day I got a call from Maria asking what happened and if I was ok.  She had had her phone charging and didn't get the text until that morning.  NEVER did I hear from Jessi.  She evidently checked with Maria and heard that I was ok.  Excuse me?  You can't pick up the phone and call or text me?  Even if we hadn't been getting along very well at that point in time I still expected more from her.  I know if the shoe was on the other foot I would have certainly gotten in touch with her.  Checked on how she was really doing, if there was anything I could do or just listen.  You know those basics of being a friend.  A few weeks later when things finally came to a head with the whole thing she said something along the lines of "I don't want to live with you".  Um Jess don't want to live with you either.  Didn't ask to live with you.  I asked for a place to stay for the night.  The next day I could have called a shelter and hoped like hell there was an open spot.  While I loved the girl dearly she is definitely someone I would have never wanted to live with.  First of all I have found out that living with friends basically sucks.  Second of all she and I are way to different in the way we do and want things to ever try to live together.  We'd drive each other crazy.  I just needed a safe place to stay that night.  What was going on at home was way too traumatic for everyone involved and PB didn't need to be exposed to anymore bullsh#%. 

So while I can say that in some ways I still miss the friendship of someone who knows me better than anyone else in the world.  I also know that I can't be friends with someone that I can't trust or rely on.  I have never reached out to a friend like that before.  I guess it really did let me know who my friends are.  Sad but true.  I just want to know when the life lessons that you can look back on and smile come about. 

On that note I have purged and it's time to crash. 

Fair winds and following seas

Last Saturday America lost one of its true heroes, Chris Kyle.  Chances are you might not have even heard of him.  Nonetheless he was a hero and died trying to help a veteran with PTSD.  Chris Kyle was a US Navy Seal and was the deadliest sniper in US military history.  He had a confirmed 160 kills (out of over 250 claimed kills).  We're not talking easy peasy shots here either.  The Seal snipers are arguably the best of the best.  He was actually given the nickname "Devil of Ramadi" and had a hefty price tag on his head.  If you want to read the wikipedia entry on Chris Kyle you can find it HERE.  You can also find an article covering the statement released by his family after his death right HERE. 

 

Chris Kyle and his friend Chad were both killed at a Texas gun range last weekend. Chris and Chad were there doing some volunteer work with a veteran who had PTSD. DO NOT leave any comments about the validity or intelligence of taking someone with PTSD to a gun range. There were some reasons that Chris Kyle believed that this would be a safe outing or he wouldn't have done it. He was not a dumb man and had too much to live for by making a dumb move so don't say anything. Yeah it's a bit of a rant but the stupidity of some comments have been so appalling and do nothing at this point other than hurt the survivors who are already hurting enough. Chris Kelly was a reportedly a man of deep Christian faith and love of country. He felt that volunteering and giving back was the right thing to do. The fact that he was lost while trying to help someone truly just increases the tragedy of it all.

 Through my past work with the military I have had the opportunity to meet members of different special forces units. These men are some of the toughest of the tough. The thing that is truly intimidating about them (at least the ones I've met) is not their physical strength although that's damn intimidating but their mental strength. If you've read or watched anything on getting into any of the special forces the thing that truly makes or breaks many candidates is their mental strength. You can be as physically strong as the Incredible Hulk but if they break your mind it just doesn't matter. These men deserve nothing less than the utmost respect. You don't have to agree with the war, which ever one it might be, you don't have to agree with whatever administration is currently in office pulling the strings on whatever war. You do need to respect any serviceman or woman that is making it safe for you and yours to sleep safely tonight. The ones were are sent in to the worse situations and keep everyone a bit safer tonight, tomorrow night and the night after deserve respect. I would think it's a safe bet that most people could not do what they do or must up the bravery they have to do what they do.

 

Yes if you can't tell a)I'm a big supporter of the military and b)some of the comments that have floated about after Chris Kyle's death I find upsetting. This man defending our country in ways that most of us cannot possibly fathom. He came home and opened a business and tended to his family. He didn't have to volunteer. He did it out of the goodness of his heart. He died in a horribly tragic way and leaves a wife and 2 children behind. Chris wrote a book called An American Sniper. If you want to read it you can find it on Amazon. Just click HERE.

If you are interesting in some other very fascinating books about and by Special Forces members here are a few that I recommend:

Rogue Warrior by John Marcinko.  He was the founder of Seal Team Six.  You know the Seal team that was the best of the best that killed Bin Laden?  The first time I read the book I walked away thinking a) this man is a complete bad a$$ and b) this man is freaking crazy.  It is a very good read.  You can find it HERE. 

Inside Delta Force by Eric Haney is another great book.  If you are a fan of the show The Unit (Hello Max Martini!) this book is what the show was based on.  If you read the book drop me a line about what you remember the most about the book.  The guy with the foot callous' always kinds of makes me cringe.  You can find that book HERE.

Another book that I haven't read yet but have heard positive things about is Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell.  I'm a fan of Marcus Luttrell after hearing about him and from him on the Glenn Beck show many times.  You can find that book HERE. 

 

Even if you decide not to check these books out tonight when you before you go to sleep say a prayer of thanks for those currently serving, for those who died surviving and for those left behind. 

Still Alive

I was going to do another Obama is an idiot rant but baby girl has been sick since the weekend and I'm way too tired.  Nothing on the rant will be any less relevant tomorrow or in a week.  Right now I'm going to relax and enjoy some downtime.  Crossing my fingers that Princess Bear's temp goes down and stays down.  'Night.