Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Man- if I get like this will someone hit me upside the head?

I know, I know I've been hiding. Actually I've been bummed & busting butt on the new blog. Things here are just really weighing on my & I feel spread so completely thin. I just want to curl up for awhile and hide. When I join the land of the living I want my house to be clean and my life to be in some semblance of order and then I want to kick life upside the head for throwing so many damn curve balls this way.

Now since I've actually "verbalized" this I suppose that I'll get off my duff and start making things happen for myself! Stay tuned folks!


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Where is time going?????

It seems as though this month is flying by. Although in some ways I feel like my life is very much standing still. There was one more blow out with my mother today. Same thing different day. Of course everything is my fault & I am the sole cause of all of her unhappiness. Ugh! The sad thing is that she really buys that!

My dad met with the oncologist yesterday. I was initially thrilled about this because the 2nd opinion my dad got from a Dr. was COMPLETELY different. We're not talking a bit different but totally different. The first Dr. told my dad that there was no way he would recommend radiation for my dad. Instead he thought surgery was the best option. The 2nd Dr. said that radiation would be just fine and the side effects would be much easier to deal with and my dad would have a higher quality of life with radiation. At that point my dad went into big time denial and was just going to take the wait and watch approach. My sister and I were truly at our wits end. Well, yesterday the oncologist tells my dad that if it was him he would wait and watch. My dad has to have the PSA test every 3 months and a biopsy every 6-12 months. Have they forgotten that the last biopsy left my dad with such a severe blood infection he could have died? He still isn't anywhere near recovered from the whole ordeal. Yet this is what they are going to do. Someone please wake me up when this is over, ok?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ever feel like your life isn't yours?

Right now I'm not sure whose life I'm living but it doesn't feel like mine; nor do I think its one anyone else wants to pick up. I will be the first to admit that I'm feeling overwhelmed but please I'm usually more together than this. Right now I'm in hibernation mood (ugh- this is when I need my therapist on speed dial!)

Another quick update.

-The results from my staph infection were able to be tested and guess what???? Its MRSA! A nasal swab test was done last week and I'm still testing positive for MRSA in my blood stream. I had to put bactracine in my nose for 5 days and then I'm supposed to repeat the nasal swab. So keeping my fingers crossed!

-My dad come home from the hospital & has a picc line in. The home health nurse came last night and took blood cultures from my dad. These bottles still remind me of mini wine bottles. We're hoping his infection is under control enough that the picc line can be pulled and oral antibiotics can be started.

-My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Yes I'm perfectly aware that this is a highly diagnosed cancer and that it is supposedly easy to take care of with great results. This still doesn't take away from the fact that my dad has cancer. My dad who was always one of the strongest people I've known and is still reeling from this infection is now got to ask his body to fight even more. Yes I'm scared. Yes I'm pissed. The Dr is so lucky that I haven't nailed his a$# to the wall already.

-I am fighting with the school district and spearheading a parents movement to do the same. All of the therapist from Princess Bears school have been let go. The district is going to bring in there own therapist (ie less experienced therapist who they can pay less).

So I'm feeling a bit like my life is out of control & I'm not so ok with it. Hopefully I'll get over this pity party soon and just forge ahead and kick butt!