Thursday, December 29, 2011


I FINALLY figured out what was wrong with my blog & why it would go wonky every time I logged in for the past several months!!!!!!!!!!! It was like the bloody thing was hijacked! I was so bummed because I couldn't post or catch up on blogs on my blog list! I'm back baby!!!!!!!!!!! Ok- more to come- I've got to vacuum & get ready to babysit my nephews. OH YEAH! Doing the happy dance!!! Now back to our regularly scheduled programming! :)


Saturday, July 23, 2011

Again- Fall how I love you!

Ok- I know that this is a status update thats going around Facebook like wildfire

I was going to complain about the heat, but 1) It isn't 109 degrees. 2) I'm not 5,700 miles from home. 3) I'm not dressed in a full BDU uniform and helmet while carrying 70+ lbs. 4) There is very little chance that anyone will shoot at me or that I might drive over a bomb in the road today. Thank you to all who serve.

And I COMPLETELY agree with the sentiment behind it. Honestly since my days of working for the Navy as a civilian I have had a HUGE amount of respect for our men and women in the armed forces. Actually it was probably before my Great Lakes days that attitude was firmly implanted. I often have issues with whatever President happens to be serving at that time but I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS have the upmost resprect for those serving in the military; especially for those deployed. I know deployment is often a very lousy time for those serving. I also will NEVER understand those who give service members a hard time because they don't agree with X war or Y conflict. They are doing what they were ordered to do. Nothing more nothing less. Its their job just as your job is whatever it its. I'm willing to bet you don't always agree with what your boss wants you to do.

Anyway back to the Facebook status while I really do understand the sentiment and am incredibly thankful to those serving I also really don't want to feel like I'm a wimp or a heartless wretch because I'm longing for cooler weather. I love fall. If you've followed my blog for awhile its pretty evident that Fall is my favorite season. I love everything that goes along with Fall. The back to school preparations, the harvest and all that goes along with it (hopefully some sort of putting by food this year!) and the upcoming cooler weather. I love and really miss bonfires. Man its been a LONG time since I've been to a good bonfire. There is something about still wearing shorts and a sweatshirt and sitting with your favorite drink by a raging bonfire. Right now I'm having a flashback to a bonfire I went to my freshman year of college and I decided to "feed" the bonfire from my bottle of vodka. I will never say that common sense prevails especially when drinking! The bonfire was at my friend Devin's house (actually his parents house) and they lived out in the country in Pekin and owned a bar in town. That meant we had a great source for alcohol and lots of land to enjoy. Unfortunately the police in Pekin are real a**holes. Seriously- ask anyone who grew up around here! Anyway, at the said bonfire I was all of 18 (and had just turned 18 a few weeks into my freshman year thanks to a late birthday) and was drunk as a skunk. For some reason I thought splashing vodka in the fire was great fun and Devin has never been able to tell me no. Next thing I know I see the flashing red & blue lights announcing the police arrival. Most of the attendants of the bonfire took off running into the woods. Whether I was stupid, drunk or a combination thereof I just casually put my bottle down and stood there. The police came up and talked to Devin and then asked me a few questions. One of the officers actually thanked me for not running and told me that I should just head home. Um ok sir. Yes my drunk happy ass drove home. Not intelligent and definitely something I hope I wouldn't do now.

Ok- now that you've shared a walk down memory lane with me lets go back to my love of fall. Yesterday Princess Bear (PB) and I were in HyVee grabbing a few things. I love HyVee because they also carry some magazines that aren't carried at too many other locations like Country, Country Extra and Farm & Ranch Living. The new copy of Country Sampler is out and full of Fall decorating ideas and whatnot. Yes I was all a twitter! I was reading Farm & Ranch Living and there was a picture of this gorgeous front porch that was decorated for fall & I was in love! I want that front porch. You know the one- rockers with a table inbetween so you can put your glass of lemonade or sweet tea on it. Some random pumpkins placed about and Halloween decor decorating the front of the house.

I'm actually making a couple of decorated notebooks for a few different purposes. I'm going to start a gratitude journal. How can you not be more appreciative when you are finding something to be grateful for daily? I'm also doing an Awws & Ah's Inspiration notebook. It will most likely contain various quotes I find inspiring and pictures like this porch that remind me of my future dreams. Also pictures of just flat out adorable things. If you read First (for Women) magazine the last few pages that are typically cute animal pics are the kind of thing I'm talking about. Things I can look at and smile. Just like the picture I printed that has the picture of the boxer sitting in the drivers seat of a car with the caption reading "FINE! I'll drive myself to the dog park" OK- imagine that and tell me you aren't laughing!!!

Ok I'm so kind I just went and found the pic (and a few other for you!). Enjoy! Smile! Hell- give a giggle! :)








Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Oh how I miss Fall!

Okay- I am fully aware that I should be enjoying this time that my daughter has off of school and my garden is blooming. I just find it difficult when the heat just zaps the life out of you. It has been awful here for several days and its going to be several more before it lets up enough to be noticeable. Princess Bear (PB) can't control her body temperature and overheats in normal weather let alone what is going on now. Of course if we had our big pool we'd be loving life. PB does have a 6' round inflatable pool. She loves it. I went in it with her the other day and have since had a problem with this bite like things so I'm leery of putting her back in there. She was supposed to have her first horseback riding show with CIRT (the place she goes for horseback riding therapy) tomorrow. There is no way that can happen. She is doing vacation bible school this week and next week. The one this week is completely new to her. Its at the church her tutor is part of. So far she likes it a lot. Its a lot of bang for my buck too. The 5 days cost $20. Each night dinner is provided for the kids and the last night for the whole family. She's also received a bracelet, T-shirt and a CD of songs that they play daily. The VBS that starts on Sunday is one that she's going to for the past 2 years and they are really good with her & she really enjoys it.

I'm also trying to come up with some things for us to do that are fun but not going to break the bank. I'm going to put all of the ideas I come up with on slips of paper. I'm going to have PB decorate a jar and then we'll put the slips in there. After she does her "schoolwork" and cleaning we'll pull a slip from the jar. Now I just need to come up with some good ideas!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Things are a bloomin'!

I know I shouldn't be surprised but after not really paying much attention to the garden for a week because of Princess Bear (PB) being sick and then me going down the same rod but its amazing how much happens in a garden in a week!!!! Here are some pics:


Take a look at the right hand side of the photo- the muskmelon vine is growing up the air conditioner unit and over some tomato cages my dad threw down! It's alive!!!!


The eggplants are growing HUGE leaves but no flowers yet. The peppers are doing well. We've already harvested several sweet banana peppers.


Yes there are LOTS of tomato plants. I'm hoping to can some ketchup and spaghetti sauce! Ignore the weeds in the walkway!


The brussel sprouts are doing well. Broccoli and cabbage are doing ok (again- ignore the weeds!!!)


The basil is growing like gangbusters! I need to get some fresh tomatoes from the farmers market because mine aren't near ready and a bit of fresh mozzerella and yum!

The downside is that the Japanese beetles are everywhere. I'm not joking it was almost a biblical proportion infestion. We set out a few of the phernome (?) traps. I also went out there and hand picked them off the apple trees. A cup of beetles anyone???


Saturday, July 9, 2011

eee gads!

Ok- so its been a long time- again! I do admit that most of my summertime time goes to Princess Bear (PB). As we speak we are having a near historic moment in our little family. This is the 2nd (count 'em folks!), 2nd night since she was born that I have spent away from PB. We had some serious bug go through the house in the past week. My mom was the first down and then PB went down on Monday. Poor baby felt so bad about throwing up in the sink. She knows mommy is a sympathetic puker but the sink I can deal with! My dad was hit on Tuesday night and I was midday Wednesday. I actually called my mom at work & told her if I ever found out who shared this with her to bring it home would die a slow painful death- and I was pretty damn serious at the time. It also make me very happy that I had taken PB to my sisters for a family dinner and fireworks on Sunday since Monday was an obvious no go. It was neat driving back into town and across the bridge- we saw 5 different sets of community fireworks. So I spent most of Wednesday and Thursday just knocked out. For some reason this hit me the worse out of the four of us. I wound up with the highest temp and general icks. I was not happy. So this morning I decided that my still naseous butt that has a tendancy to get car sick WAS NOT going to sit in the car for 3 hours to get to Chicago for my cousins wedding. I'm bummed because there are family members I'd really like to see but not if I was going to be wishing for death. So around noon today my parents and PB left for Chicago. Know what I didn't know? How absolutely sweet my daughters voice is on the phone! She called around 6pm tonight to give me the rundown and again at 11pm. So far it seems like everyone is still alive and coping relatively well. My dad's stomach bug is biting him again but my momm hasn't threatened PB within an inch of her life so I'm happy.

Once again our pool plans have been foiled by a malicous bitch. I found out without a doubt who called us into the city last time. There was no reason for it other than she was a mean hearted bitch. Well PB was having too much pleasure playing in her new pool. Although we'd been cleared for a permit the laws changed and the old witches daughter (who is trying to sell the witches house) decided to call the city again. The city guy felt so bad. He actually implied that we should take it down so he could take a pic showing the dismantled pool and then put it back up. Yeah- does he know how much the water bill was after filling a 5000 gallon pool was???? So now the grass is slowing dying due to a vinegar bath at this womans house. Yes I know its childish and not going to solve anything but in an odd way it made me feel a bit better. They didn't have to hold my child after going for her last swim while she was crying asking what she could do for the rest of the summer. I don't believe that this woman who doesn't even live in this town called this "violation" in. Once again let me tell you that it is IMPOSSIBLE to get into our backyard, ergo the pool. Our neighbors to one side felt so bad. The husband is in the family construction business and promptly gave my dad the name & number of an electrician so we could get the required electric source and he's looking for some economical source of 4' fencing for the entire yard.

So that has been the last week in my life. I'm about tired- why I don't know! I've spent tonight catching up on In Plain Sight and Burn Notice. I guess my body is telling me to take it easy. So take it easy I will. More about PB's horseback riding therapy and tutoring soon!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm tired darn it!

My mom is back on this kick that I have to get up at 5:30am before she & my dad leave for work. UGH! She forgets a)I'm a night owl and b)I have insomnia! Again, UGH!

So today I got up at 5:30am and folded some laundry and then played on facebook for a bit. I have a very unhealthy obsession with Frontierville going on. Then I took a nap. now I'm almost feeling human.

Yesterday was another day of general chaos because of this new medical issue Princess Bear (PB) has going on. PB & I had to be at my sisters early (ok 9:15 but in the summer that's early for us!) to watch my nephews. That is an interesting adventure under the best of circumstances. I would not saying yesterday was the best of circumstances! lol Everyone was alive & well when I left & the kids had fun so I guess that's the important part right?

While I was at my sisters I called PB's Dr's office since I had some questions after having some time to absorb the Dr's news. I also needed to talk to the Dr since PB's endocrinologist has left the Children's hospital in St. Louis. I asked the nurse what the TgAb number for PB was. 1034 now to give you some perspective the normal range is 0-20. My daughter is at 1034! My mom was like no they had to have read that wrong call back. I called back- check this (honestly its times like this that I think my life is a secretly taped episode of Punk'd). I told the nurse that I needed to get a test result number for my daughter because I was sure I'd written it down wrong or misunderstood it. The nurse actually says "No I'm pretty sure you didn't if its the result I'm thinking of". Ok now you have to understand that the peditrician group that PB goes to is HUGE! There are 10 providers and its one of the biggest practices in town. This nurse remembers me calling back 4 hours later because the test result is SO abnormal- yep thats always a good sign- NOT!!!!!!!! And yes folks I had the number right the first time. This morning I was on the phone with the endocrinology dept at St. Louis Children's hospital as soon as they opened. Their first available appointment is.........

Are you ready for this?

December 19!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yes I always treasure the thought of a 3 hour Midwestern drive (each way) less than a week before Christmas. The scheduler told me that this appointment was open because of a cancellation otherwise we'd have to wait until February. UGH!

Ok since I'm just done at this point I'm going to sign off. I'm going to go look at my garden. I can't really check it because we're obviously in the middle of monsoon season here in Illinois. I never really knew we had a monsoon season here but we're having rain daily and the high today isn't even 70. PB keeps asking when she can go swimming- its looking like next week baby girl! The rain is of course helping the garden but its also flooding the walkways between the aisles so unless I want to be ankle deep in water and muck I just look at my garden from a few feet away!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Trying to remain calm

Ever have one of those moments you just want to sit down and cry or go outside and scream or trade your life in for the one behind door number 2? I'm so there at the moment.

Issue 1
I found out earlier today that my former best friend is pregnant. I never thought she would keep me shut out of her life like this & at this point I don't know if I'm hurt or pissed. I feel a bit like an island.

Issue 2
Princess Bear (PB) has been complaining of being cold a lot. Since this is a child that has issues regulating her body temp regarding heat this seemed a bit weird. My mom finally said that I had to take PB in for a blood test. That was last Thursday. I've been going a bit crazy waiting for the results of the sleep study but didn't think there was much to be concerned about. Well, the Dr. looked at the rash PB got from the adhesive used in the sleep study and said that its an allergy waiting to happen and we need to treat it like an allergy. That means no band aids or anything sticky. This might make future tests & surgeries very interesting. Then he ordered a TON of blood work focusing on her thyroid. That freaked me out a bunch of different ways since we basically just got my sister healthy. At this point thyroids make me a bit nervous. The Dr. called with the test results on Friday and said everything looked great. I thanked him and went on my merry little way. Since then there have been several occasions that PB complained of being cold. I was talking to my mom about it and she thought I needed to call the peditrician to see if we should go back to the endocrinologist in St. Louis & touch base. Ugh- not my idea of a good time but ok. We got home and there were 2 messages. PB's best friend called and the peditrician left a message asking me to return his call that they had the last of the blood work in. My dad & I just looked at each other & shared an "oh shit" look. The Dr. called back and explained that PB is testing positive for thyroid antibodies which means although her thyroid is ok now it will fail at some point in time. He wants me to get an appointment in St. Louis ASAP. I really had hoped with PB's growth issues seeming to level out that we had escaped the threat of having to have PB put on growth hormones. Now that is a front and center reality again. How much more is my poor baby going to have to deal with????

Now I'm off to make her dinner and then I'll try to decide between screaming and crying.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

No more birthday parties!

Princess Bear (PB) turned 8 last Saturday. I'd been on a housecleaning binge for a week because we were having her first birthday party at home in 5 years. I sent invitations to the kids in her class (there 8 kids including PB), invited a friend of hers that used to go to her school, my friend Maria's 2 kids and my nephews. Its awfully hard to plan a birthday party when you have absolutely NO idea how many kids are coming! Although the invitations had RSVP only 1 child from class did! There was also talk between PB & her friends that it was going to be a pool party. Um yeah- I don't think so! So I even sent a note to the parents saying that it was not going to be a pool party & it had my number on it- still no RSVP's! The day of the party was somewhat chaotic mostly due to my mom's usual toxicity but that was to be expected right??? I had asked them for very little help prepping the house & managed to pay for almost all of it. My mom paid for the balloons to get inflated and the birthday cake. I covered everything else. It was a horse/cowgirl theme because PB is obsessed with horses- big time! One child showed up 20 minutes early. That wasn't too bad except my mom totally freaked. I had several crafts for the kids to do since the physical abilities of the kids greatly varied. Note to self: NO CRAFTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The mom's wound up doing the crafts! It did get a bit crazy with kids all over and chowing down on cupcakes. About 2 hours in I told my mom that we had to have some way to wrap it it because I was going to go crazy.

I then spent time on Saturday and Sunday finishing planting the plants we had purchased into the garden. We're at 23 tomatoes, 3 watermelon, 2 muskmelon, spaghetti squash, 7 fairytale eggplant, 4 various peppers, 4 broccoli, 2 cabbage and various herbs. I think I need to get some more herbs. PB and I also started pole beans, sunflowers and 2 varieties of pumpkins the other day.

PB also had a sleep study test on Tuesday night. That is a post of its own so check back!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Summertime, Summertime, Sum...sum...summertime!

Yes, folks summer is almost upon us!!! WOOHOO!!! Now for those who know me and know I'm not a fan of the summer in general might be scratching your heads and pondering a bit but why should I ever make sense???? Now my biggest grip with the summer is the heat & humidity that is ever present here in the midwest. It is oppressive! Now there are a lot of things about the summer I really do like- having Princess Bear home (for the most part!), gardening, swimming, sleeping in, gardening and swimming. A few things have happened at home this past week to make things seem a bit better! My dad was finally able to work the dirt enough to till it. I'm hoping to set up a permanent bed/mulch border with floral border thing in the next week. I've also got PB's swimming pool set up! Its filling with water as we speak! Its plenty big at 15' so mommy is going to be floating on a raft reading some magazines! Ugh....I hear strange sounds coming from the kitchen- more to follow! :)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

General Musings

Ok- this is going to be a very random post & blurps on lots of little topics- sorry about that!

We've been having some nasty weather here in the midwest lately. Sunday night the horrible tornados ripped through Joplin MO leaving more than 100 dead and we spent part of the evening in the basement. Princess Bear (PB) has a huge tendency to freak out when its time to hit the basement when the tornado sirens go off. I'm the only one in the house that is scared of storms. She'll actually sit on the front porch swing with my parents and watch storms. Those tornado sirens go off though and the kid starts to freak. I've tried explaining to her that going to the basement is just a way to make sure we're safe & nothing calms her down. Ugh! Then yesterday we had a storm come rolling through here unlike anything I've seen since living in AL or NC. It was just sheets of rain that left NO visability. There actually wasn't a lot of lightning or thunder. Just a lot of wind and rain. My parents & PB were on the porch watching things. Next thing I know the power in the house cuts out. Now we have some dumb a$$ squirrels around here that can't figure out transformer boxes aren't their friends and there was a similar boom when a transformer blows. I started getting out candles and checking our flashlights. I called Ameren to let them know the power was out. Then I got my dinner that was 3/4 of the way through heating in the microwave when the power blew and ate. By then my parents & PB came in and PB started to freak. The last time we had any sort of power outage was in the dead of winter and it was damn cold! Luckily we have a fireplace and plenty of wood so it wasn't much of a problem. Unfortunately that is what PB immediately things of when the power goes out. So my mom & dad did some family reading time with her & read a few chapters of the TumTum & Nutmeg book they're currently reading. Then PB tried finding things to play with. Littlest Pet Shops? Little itty bitty pieces everywhere as we're quickly losing daylight? Um, nope don't think so. Ball? nope candles everywhere. So we colored and did magnet board pics for awhile but boredom settled in quickly. I also found out that reading my flashlight makes for odd shadows that can be headache producing if you aren't careful! So I'm going to be hitting some garage sales looking for some camping laterns. Since I want to do some backyard camping with PB that will be handy anyway. I also realize that PB is WAY reliant on electricty as I am. Fortunately give me a book and I can kill time anywhere. I've been reading Laura Ingals Wilder to PB and reminded her that this is how Laura & Mary lived with Ma & Pa every day- it didn't consol her!

Now since I'm a TV junkie here is a quick recap of my thoughts on last weeks season finales!
Castle- WTF????? Ok I LOVE me some Max Martini & really hate seeing him as a bad guy. Beyond that the Captain was the bad guy? So didn't see that coming! Castle telling Kate he loved her after she's been shot? Thats some timing for you! Ugh! Now the show can't go on if she is dead so its a given she isn't so what happens now???
NCIS- No huge surprises here until the very end of the show. Who is slipping secrets???? I don't like that Zeva has gotten back together with Ray but what can you do. I also don't like that they killed Franks off but it was well done. Kort needs to be b%#ch slapped- just my opinion
NCIS LA- ok I didn't catch season 1 of this but still like the show. I loved the part when G, Sam, and Kenzie were turning in theire shields and weapons. Deacs is the last one and says "I would if I could". I love when he flips those out there like that!
Criminal Minds- ok- how many times is Joe Montenga's (?) daughter going to guest star? Other than that I waited the whole freaking episode for JJ to show up. Seems as though they're bringing her back which is awesome! Now they just need to catch Doyle and get Prentiss out of hiding!
The Mentalist- Ok my new favorite TV line is from this just because for a week I've thought about it and laughed each time! Lisbon is trying on her bridesmaid dress and of course its what we all would hate to wear as bridesmaids- pink and strapless! Jane walks in and then is telling her how she looks great and says "You look like a princess- an angry little princess" LOVE IT!

The garden is of course going through another is it or isn't it happening stage. I tried giving my dad information on permanent beds. Even if we can't do raised beds permanent would be good- no go. My mom had all of us outside doing her bidding bright and early Sunday. PB also got something- G-d only knows what dumped all over her that led to a shower and a scrubbed until she looked like a lobster shower. Our neighbor loaned us his tiller so as soon as the ground is workable my dad is doing that. So I raked up the spent pine needles and left over tomato ick from last year. I did not know that Seed Savers has retail seeds so I was at Kelly Seeds yesterday having a grand time. I also bought some heirloom sweet pea seeds but can't find nicotainia seeds or plants anywhere :(

So that is my random thoughts & activities!

Thursday, May 19, 2011


In between healing from my surgery, a very, very wet spring and general illness there has been absolutely no planting going on here and I'm so bummed! I have several pots of herbs that are doing well in their grow house but thats it. I did try to convince my dad that raised beds are the best way to go. Back it up with all sorts of data and got shot down. SO I'm going to go for a permanent bed set up and hope that helps. I know tilling every year is bad but are dirt is basically clay. At least with a permanent bed approach the dirt won't get so compacted. I can get some decent crop rotation schedule going on and still use square foot gardening. I really just wish I could get out there & set some of this in motion!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

High School Reunion?

When I was in OT for my post op wrist & elbow recovery the COTA that I worked with was someone I graduated with. For the most part I have very little memory of those in my graduating class. I was part of a small group that hung out together and kept in touch for awhile after graduation. I wish there were some that I was still in contact with but not that many. Jill, the COTA, is all gung ho for our 20th reunion. First I have to get over the fact that its been 20 years since I walked out of that hell hole and then deal with the fact that I really don't want to go. Since the implosion of my friendship with Jessi I truly have no desire to go. I didn't make it to the previous reunions and don't quite get why people get so excited about reunions. For the most part I hated my high school experience. I was extremely alternative in a Catholic high school. My head was buzzed except for my bangs. Please think back to the late '80's and it won't seem as weird then- I promise! I was very into the Cure, Depeche Mode and had copies of Sid Vicious' obituary all over my locker.

Also, I started at a school called Bergan. In a town this size it still had 2 high schools when I started and there was a bitter rivalry. You went to the high school that your grandparents, parents & siblings went to. Since both my parents had been raised in Chicago there wasn't a big alliance to either school. My youngest aunt & uncle went to Bergan but it was entirely up to me. I decided to go to Bergan and entered there a total and complete prep. I'll have to see if I can find my freshman year and sophmore year pictures to share- what a complete identity shift! I was comfortable with the change and amazingly my parents although they didn't like it supported me. My sophmore year the two high schools combined but were still housed on 2 campuses. My junior year all those idiots from downtown invaded out building. It did bring some nice changes. The best was seeing my friend Jeremy on a daily basis. It also brought about a new girls dean. She was a royal bitch! My hair style was deemed against the new dress code and I had to grow it out. The dean actually measured my hair once a week to make sure I was growing it out. G-d I hated that place! I had my left ear pierced up top on the cartiledge. The school rules where that you could only wear 1 pair of earrings so I wore 1 in the cartiledge and one lower on my right side. Still only 1 pair of earrings. Pushing it a bit perhaps but still within the rules. My mom was there fighting my detentions on a regular basis! There were also a lot of those I deserved. My friend Monika and I had it timed just right so we could get down to our cars, smoke a quick cigarrette and get to study hall in time for detention. I thought I was so cool- If my daughter acts like this I will beat her ass!

I did walk out of there with some really good friends and memories that I'll always treasure. There are many friendships that haven't held up to the test of time and I really am sad about that. There are friendships that I don't regret losing. There are people I miss a lot & wish I could go back and change. There are friends that have passed away and its always with a heavy sense of sadness that I think about them. I just can't picture myself walking into my 20 year reunion and walk out smiling.

Did you go to your reunions?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Ugh- I did it again!

Well, I disappeared. Instead of blogging and venting on here I let my family get the best of me. Not a good thing. I'll lash myself 40 times with a wet noodle.

Anyway, since then the Royal Wedding happened. I actually got up at 4am to watch the festivities. My friend Jen from Jen on the Edge did an incredible love blogging of the Royal wedding. You can check it out HERE. We text back and forth for a bit. The whole thing made me remember Charles and Diana's wedding. I watched that in my grandparents basement with my Aunt Joanne and my grandma. You really can't watch anything pertaining to William or Harry and not think of their mum. The wedding was spectacular and a lot of fun to watch (although I felt like crud babysitting my nephews later that morning!). I LOVED LOVED LOVED Pippa's maid of honor gown- gorgeous. Kate looked incredible- very Grace Kelly-ish. I was a bit disappointed in the flowers but what can you do?

Easter & Mothers Day were their usual family traumas thanks to my mother. Enough said on that.

I found a gorgeous First Communion gown for Princess Bear (PB) for next year. It was being clearanced and then my mom had a $10 off coupon. So by the time all was said and done the dress was $18- can't beat that!

I'm waiting for PB's pool to arrive but my parents are now saying they aren't sure about the pool. Its high enough to be legal but not too deep. I really don't know why this is even an issue for them.

More updates to come on a regular schedule- really!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Everyone survived Spring Break!

I think Princess Bear for the most part enjoyed her Spring break. She got to see her cousins several times, watch enough Disney Channel to make my head hurt and even got to go out to lunch with just Mommy like a big girl. As always PB's listening sucks which of course is ALL my fault. That made for a few tense moments but for the most part it was a nice week. She went to my OT a few times with me and she thought that was cool since she gets OT services at school.

On that note my hand is still a mess. Its not hurting quite as much but something is definitely not right with it. My mom of course thinks this is all my fault and that if I need further surgery its just a way for me to get more attention. Um lets see- a)I was completely terrified to go into surgery and b)this surgery was a complete b*&ch to recover from. How crazy is she that she thinks I'd want to repeat this???? Don't answer- more and more I'm realizing how out of touch with reality my mom is. Love her but sure as hell can't help her so I guess thats where that stands. Last night PB & I were repotting some flowers in the kitchen. We got some really cute violas at HyVee and those are just so dang cheerful. There was potting dirt in the sink when we were done but I didn't rinse it out because my mom was taking a shower. If you turn on any water while someone is in the shower at our house you are either going to freeze or get scalded. Although my mom isn't my favorite person lately I didn't see any real advantage to rinsing out the sink. After we got done with the flowers we started PB's bedtime ritual. My mom then went into the kitchen and had a fit about the dirt in the sink and started screaming at me to clean it up. I tried explaining that she was in the shower. No trying to reason with her. So I start cleaning up the sink and then she starts yelling how I'm in her way and to get out of her way. OK- do you want me to clean this immeadiately just like you said or get out of your way like you said? Yes, once again reasonable and rational have come to roost in our house.

I took a trazadone last night a little after 10pm and although it took just about an hour to knock me out I was completely asleep by 11:15pm- go me! My game plan is to take my trazodone around 10pm every night- including the weekends- grrrrrrr! Then if I start sleeping I can tell Dr Singh that my insomnia is under control yet the Effexor really isn't doing much of anything. My anger and anxiety are also getting pretty bad. I want to feel better in general, make a plan to get PB & myself out of her and lead a happy and decent life away from my family. I just can't deal with their anger issues anymore. I have my own to deal with. I can't deal with my mom's issues- although I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she realizes that I really am not the root of her unhappiness.

There was a shower for my cousins fiancee over the weekend. Although I didn't make the trip because children weren't invited I still got to hear about all sorts of family drama when my mom came home. Am I the only one that can see that out of my dad and his 5 siblings that only 1 of them married a person that wasn't mentally ill? Makes me wonder what really went on in my dad's household growing up that they all made that choice. One of my aunts married someone who is bipolar/schzophrenic and her oldest daughter started having issues a few years ago. Now to everyones great surprise so is her youngest. Seriously??? Why are you people surprised????? My uncle is so bad he's on disability but you're surprised that his kids have issues? Even if you can grow up and not let this issues touch you there is still the chemical component. I've also started seeing my daughter and my oldest nephew playing the blame game because in my mom's world whenever ANYTHING happens there is always someone to blame. Never can it be a matter of life- it just happens. Oh no. My nephew threw up in bed and kept apologizing saying it was his fault. No buddy- it isn't your fault. You aren't feeling well and you're 3 years old. That is what happens! Again another thing that is reminding me that no matter how scared I am I really do need to get my shit straightened out so I can get myself & PB away from her. She adores her grandparents and they're the only ones she has but its just not ok anymore.

Well, I'm off to clean some dishes, do some laundry and then finish straightening up my room. Hopefully PB had a good first day back seeing as she didn't even want to get out of the car when she saw the class bully. Man- I really do want to hit that kid and his parents upside the head sometimes!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Steve part deux

Ok so a recap- I'm totally and completely into this guy Steve and Princess Bear (PB) adores him as well. I also knew that since my relationships all have a tendency to blow up that if nothing happened with Steve I was cool with that. His friendship was really important to me and PB. It was awesome to have a guy friend who made me laugh that much. That is probably the thing I miss the most since my Great Lakes days. On with the story- I always send Steve text messages and he never replies. He's one of those anti phone guys (I think its a genetic male trait actually). Anyway I was having a really shit day and I had called him earlier and left a message that I was going to Barnes & Noble if he wanted to meet for coffee and if not that was fine too. Well the day continued to go downhill. The clincher was PB looking at me and telling me that she hated me. Yeah, that one just warmed the cockles of my heart, gotta tell you! I was hoping we'd hit the tween years at the earliest before that one was unleashed. I text several friends telling them about it and asking for any advice. Steve was one of the people I text. Several girlfriends come back with the "she didn't mean it" "you're a great mom" and whatnot. Then my phone beeps with another text message and its from Steve. Ok- could have pushed me over with a feather! I sat there & kind of stared at the phone for a few minutes and wondering what the hell that was all about. I sent Susie a text saying that Steve had text back and I was scared to open it. It was like one of those Mission Impossible moments that I thought the phone might self destruct when I opened the text message. Then I did the well maybe he has a girlfriend now & she's telling me to stop texting. Just weird random thoughts. Susie is like you've got to read it and let me know. Steve's message was basically him remembering whenever he said that to his mom she would reply "too bad because I love you anyway" and telling me that he hoped my night got better. I replied that his mom sounded like a really smart lady. From there on out Steve actually replied to texts and it was awesome. We could have an entire text conversation. This was all around the time of when I really started babysitting both of my nephews a lot and Tyler was going through real sibling issues. Since Steve is the 2nd youngest of 7 I would often ask him what his reaction was to Karl coming home (another brother I know well and love to give shit to). This was also the beginning of the school year and PB was having trouble with the hoodlum from hades as well as just adjusting to a new school year and all of the changes in her life. She and her cousins are more like siblings than cousins in many aspects. She was delighted having a new cousin but was not thrilled that my parents were constantly at my sisters helping since my sister was so sick. She was basically feeling deserted by my parents. One day she had a melt down that she was home to see Caillou and I forgot to record it for her. My mom told me to just take her to Barnes & Noble after school & let her pick a new Caillou video. Time for some more back story- I have a small issue with catching the car bumper on the parking blocks. I don't know if its because I'm so dang short of it I have absolutely no depth perception at all. Regardless its an issue. Steve had fixed it for me many times when he was still working at Franks. Well as PB and I were leaving Barnes and Noble I once again had caught the bumper- this time though the whole bumper starts yanking off. I immediately go into panic mode thinking that my parents are going to flip the hell out. I tried jamming it back on- yeah that didn't work so well. I called down to Franks & told him what was going on. He said that the guys were getting ready to go home & it would have to wait until the next day. Um- no I'll be dead by then. I get in the car and immediately start heading for Steve's house. I called him and he answered- something he NEVER did. I told him what was going on and he said to head over to the house & he'd meet me there. I got there first and turned in his neighbors driveway to park in front of his house so I wouldn't block the driveway. As I did the the bumper finally gave up the ghost and fell completely off. I finished parking and unbuckled PB. We were getting out of the car as Steve pulled up. He told me to park by the garage. He neighbor was looking out the window and I'm sure wondering what the heck is going on- that chick just left her bumper in someone's driveway. I got out and went to recover the bumper but Steve and PB beat me to it. Now I also have to say that I was looking like death run over. My hair wasn't the best because the night before had been a no wash night and it was thrown back in a clip as well as a few other things. I was pretty mortified that Steve was seeing me this way. He was just his awesome self and fixed the car right up. I thanked him all over the place and told him that I owed him dinner. A bit later I text him to thank him again and asked him what kind of pasta he wanted- tetrazinni or carbonara. Silly me- the man loves anything with bacon so I really didn't even need to ask. While he was fixing the car we were talking about my sister reading me the riot act for watching Sons of Anarchy. I was white trash yada yada yada. He just laughed. A few days later it was my birthday and I took that weeks episode of Sons of Anarchy over there. The idea was to make him watch it then. We sat down and watched it and had a nice afternoon. I don't do well with silence. The fact that I watched an entire episode with someone there and didn't talk was a real sign of how comfortable I felt with him. When it was time for me to pick up PB from school I tried convincing Steve to come with because we were going to get ice cream. No such luck. I picked up PB from school and she was excited that we were getting ice cream but she wanted to take some to Steve. Now you have to understand that I didn't suggest this to her and hadn't mentioned that I was over there earlier. I told her that I wasn't sure if he was home. She decided that we'd get ice cream for him and go over anyway. Can you tell my child has determination? So we hit Culvers and picked up ice cream. As we were turning onto the road to get to Steve's house he was turning from the opposite direction. I had called him and left a message so he knew what was up. We went in had our ice cream and had a nice time. Steve took PB across the street to the woods to see if the deer were close enough to see and then he took her down to the playground. She had a ball. Downside- she overheated. It wasn't a big deal- just kind of another day in the life of PB. I had a PTA meeting that night & I called my parents to see if they wanted me to feed PB before I went or if they had dinner plans including her. My mom said that she didn't care. So we stayed an visited a bit longer and then took off. Well, my mom had a complete fit when we got home. Now this isn't unusual for my mom as its just part of her delightful demeanor. She didn't really believe me that I didn't suggest to PB that we should go over to Steve's until I told her that I'd already seen him that day. Since then she's very used to PB asking to go to Steve's and has actually helped trying to explain to PB why we haven't seen Steve lately. Hell- I don't understand it so how can my 7 year old daughter? The week after my birthday I went over to Steve's to see his newest toy that he brought back from a trip back to Kansas. Since shortly after my birthday Steve had stopped returning texts. Just as quickly has it started it stopped. Then I was deleted from his Facebook friends list. Silly me- I thought it was some sort of accident and sent a new friend request. Steve cut off all communication. I tried several times asking what was going on. I was nice and then eventually bitchy. PB wasn't understanding why she couldn't see her Steve. I finally told him that he was really important to PB and since the problem was apparently with me that I would stay in the car when I went took her to visit him. The next time I took her there was early December. She was thrilled that he was home and I let her visit. A few minutes later she came out and told me to come in. I thought it was an invitation from Steve. We went in and talked for a few and I asked him why he'd 86'd me from his life. No real answer. On the way home I asked PB about Steve asking me in and she admitted that she asked if I could come in. I told her that wasn't part of the bargain and she wouldn't be able to visit him if she did that again. I sent him a text apologizing and letting him know that I talked to PB and hopefully she understood the rules now. That was the last time that either of us have seen Steve. I tend to hibernate in winter anyway so it wasn't too much of a surprise. Lately though PB has been asking for him constantly. I usually tell her that he's busy with work or some other lame excuse that I hope will appease her. The other day we had to drive near his house when we were on the way to Fresh Market with my mom and she was screaming that she wanted her Steve. We reminded her that we were going to the store & she'd get a cookie so she chilled a bit. On the way home the scenario repeated. For whatever reason my mom's decided that Steve is bipolar. First of all I think its funny that my mom would diagnose anyone when she won't admit her own issues. Also how she came to the bipolar diagnosis I'm not completely sure. Anyway it was kind of fun trying to listen to my mom explaining to PB that it wasn't her fault or mine or anyone else's for that matter that Steve wasn't being nice or friendly. On Tuesday of this week (a mere 4 days after the above scene) PB started asking for Steve again. I once again told her that he was at work. She decided she'd call him. I gave her my cell phone and she left a message. Hopefully she'll be appeased for awhile. I'd just give my eyeteeth to understand why Steve decided to axe me out of his life. As I said I was completely ok with the fact that nothing romantic would happen. Disappointed but ok with it. His friendship meant a lot more. I can handle the disappointment. I may not like it but I can wrap my head around it. I am very pissed that my little girl has gotten hurt. I tried making it easy for him to still be the hero he was to her while staying off to the side. To say I don't get any of this would be an understatement.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The heart is a funny frustrating thing!

I don't know why I'm just now broaching this subject. Perhaps because I'm still somewhat afraid of someone I don't want finding it coming across my blog. Ever since an ex of mine found it I've worried. Its just I need to sort out some feelings about Steve. Haven't heard that name have you? Steve is a dear friend of mine and Princess Bear (PB). I adore Steve in ways that I don't even understand and I'm not the only one. PB is a one child Steve adoration platoon. Steve is a family friend- kind of. PB & I are closest to him. His brother is our mechanic and close to the whole family and we know several other brothers too. Steve used to work for his brother which is how we met him as he'd previously been living in another state. I guess I should have been a bit leery as he has a pretty solid reputation of cutting people out of this life- especially family. Before he moved here he'd not talked to Frank for a long time. Karl and he had been very close and he'd cut out Karl & his family until recently. There's a lot of speculation on what Steve's issues are- most something definitely in the mental health family. As someone who's dealt with my own issues its pretty recognizable. That said Steve was a really great friend to me and PB. She adores her Steve as she calls him. One day we went to the garage to get something on the car looked at and she went bouncing into the back to find Steve and we found out that he'd quit. No warning, nada. The guys came in one day & found Steve had returned all the tools he'd been given as various gifts and a lawn mower. Ok- not particularly cool but not something we really needed to get involved in. PB was devastate that she couldn't see her Steve but really wasn't grabbing the full concept. I'd sent him a few text messages and never heard anything back. Steve isn't big on the phone in the first place so that wasn't much of a surprise. Steve & I were facebook friends and we talked on there occasionally and he always kept up with things I said on Facebook. Steve had been living with Frank & got his own place shortly before quitting Franks. Well finally after PB asking for her Steve on a very regular basis and having a fit when we did have to go deal with something on the car and him not being there I gave in and took her to his house to visit. He seemed to take it in stride and she was so thrilled.

Now here's my emotional disclosure on all of this. I have a thing for Steve. Won't even try to deny it. I am so attracted to this man in all ways possible- his intellect, we have common interests and I'm completely hot for his body. Now thats kind of a puzzler because he really isn't "my type". Just a refresher- my type is TALL (gotta be at least 6' but preferably taller), blonde, blue eyed and please be rocking a few tats ok! Well, Steve isn't that tall, has brownish blonde hair, green eyes and no ink. Hell- who these days other than my brother in law has no ink? Steve! Now all that said I'll do the short list (and this is just the short list) of what I like about the man. First of all he's scary smart and a smart funny guy is sexy as all hell! He's also crazy funny! The guy can and does make me smile on an almost constant basis. We both love reading, the same music- especially some of the same old school stuff. He was a skater and frankly the only person I've met in the last 15 years that knew who Natas Kapas is. One day I put some Ramones lyrics on Facebook & he was like "Yeah!". Love it! Then there is the fact that the guy is so good and caring with my daughter. It wasn't by any means what made my heart go pitter patter for the guy but it definitely clinched it. He never spoke down to her or treated her like she wasn't capable of understanding something. He was also protective of her. He lives near a grade school and there is a short cut from the school to the playground by his house. He was worried that she would sneak out of school one day and try to come visit him. Actually he worried that she wouldn't be home when she did it. Yeah- melt my heart.

Now I knew that I was into this guy. He was all of the above and I wanted him 30 different ways. That said I knew the most important thing was our friendship. Chances of relationships working out- especially mine are not high and friendships are precious. I made the call early on that I was fine if nothing happened between me and Steve as long as he and I remained friends and he was still an important part of PB's life.

I'll have to finish this up later- gotta get ready for OT & then babysitting! fun fun!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dist. 150 SUCKS!

As I mentioned I had Princess Bears (PB) IEP coming up. I wasn't looking forward to this for several reasons. Here are a few
-I'm never a fan of them in general because the are so stressful
-I've only met the new OT a few times, the PT once and the Speech path 0 times. Yes folks that is right- I wouldn't be able to point out her Speech path or PT if you had them in a line up and held a gun up to my head
-I'm beyond frustrated with the speech path who I've spend the last couple of months playing phone tag with but could never get ahold of.

So I initially thought I was going to be attending the IEP by myself which really had me jazzed. I love my mom and I know she loves PB but we inevitably walk out of meetings like this with my mom telling me how I've been f*&king PB over by not doing all I can for her. Evidently spending time working with her everyday is not enough. My dad pitched a fit because he thought I was going to go in and make a big scene and really alienate the therapist who would in turn take it out on PB so I said my mom could go. On the way to pick up my mom I had the Sex Pistols & Rob Zombie blaring. I was absolutely ready to go to battle.

The speech path from Shriners had faxed a letter to my moms office saying that PB should have a minimum of 3 weekly 30 minute individual sessions and all her reasons to support this. Previous to this year PB always had one 30 min individual session and one 30 minute "group" session with one other student. I wasn't happy with the group but had always been assured it was a child who PB could work well and learn with. I knew that PB's group sessions this year had 2 other students which is what prompted the game of phone tag with the speech path. What I didn't know until yesterday is that PB is not getting ANY individual sessions- no child is because they are understaffed. Um yeah- not my problem. As soon as I get done with this post I'm making calls to get copies of all of BP's IEPs and speech path notes since she started the district at 3 years old. I'm contacting the school board, the local paper, Advocates for Access and my State Representative. Can you tell I'm not happy?

After a lot of fighting the speech path agreed to add an additional 30 minutes of speech for PB which of course will be in a group because the poor speech is so overworked. We have to re-evaluate in the fall. She admitted that PB is making progress with 60 minutes and that more therapy should show more progress so I'll fight the battle in the fall to keep the entire 90 minutes. I also got a call before walking into the IEP that the PTs wanted to take PB from 60 minutes a week, so 240 minutes a month, down to 30 minutes a month. They claimed that she's met all her goals. Yep she has- sounds like its time to write new tougher goals then isn't it? I did agree to let PT drop down to 30 minutes a week. The coordinator was a HUGE help in getting the additional speech time as she said one of PB's best traits is her friendly social nature and that if we want her to be comfortable in society that she has to be understood by members of society. Her teacher said that PB can be understood in the classroom but pointed out that she's been teaching special needs students for almost 30 years and can decipher almost all speech. I am so sick and tired of fighting for things for my daughter that should just be happening. I've said this before and I'll say it again as much as I hate the fact that PBs future is so up in the air the more help, intervention, therapy and skills she gets now will cost the state less in the long run. I hate that its all about the almighty dollar instead of people actually caring enough about this kids to help them succeed to the best of their abilities. SO, I'm done ranting for the moment and now I'm going to start making phone calls and I figure by sometime next week someone over at the admin offices will have my foot planted in their arse!


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Life and such

Its been its usual craziness around here lately. The weather has been gorgeous so Princess Bear (PB) and I have spent a fair amount of time outside. I think the child would stay outside 24/7 if I'd let her! We planted some lettuce the other day so now I'm really itching to get in the garden! I've also been walking to the school to pick her up in the afternoons and my neighbor Kim lets PB walk one of her dogs home so PB is in 7th Heaven! On Friday I had an appointment with the podiatrist about the stupid bump on my toe. Its a cyst and the Dr told me I'm not to touch it at all! He then numbed it with a general anesthetic and then shot my toe full of a steroid. Since I'm something of a freak of nature and things never go like they're supposed to the general didn't completely wear off for days. My whole foot was numb all day Friday. Weird stuff I tell you!

I'm all set for a craft show in May and really excited about it! I'm going to do mostly the Scrabble tile and bottle cap necklaces with flip flops. I'll have some barrettes and bows with crocheted socks as well but they aren't the big emphasis. This show only costs $20 for a table which is AWESOME!!! and I have high hopes! I'd love to get a local clientele.

Other than that I'm just completely exhausted and can't sleep for shit. It doesn't matter how tired I am but I cannot fall asleep. Its getting to the point of being a problem. Then again between that and PMS that I should be in rare form for PB's IEP meeting tomorrow. I told my mom that I don't want her attending this one. She usually takes notes & gives her 2 cents on things but I'm beyond pissed this year so I don't want to deal with her telling me to calm down & play nice. It is March & I have NO feedback from the Speech therapist or the PT and minimal feedback from the OT. Actually I've never even met the Speech therapist although I did play phone tag trying to get a hold of her for a month or so. PB's supposed to get 30 minutes of 1 on 1 speech per week and then 30 minutes of group which is supposed to be 2 students (including her) once a week. Group has now become 3 or 4 students. PB is less clear in her speech and we're constantly asking her to repeat things. It almost feels like we're back to where we were when she started talking a few years ago. Its so frustrating! So I'm going in riding my bitch stick and letting these women know I'm not happy.

So thats the story here!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm back & basically in 1 piece!

Hi! I'm alive! I had my surgery on Feb 18th. Before that I was dealing with my mother and her crazy quest for a clean (ie sterile no one lives here house). Princess Bear (PB) was not thrilled at the prospect of me having surgery although the fact that her Dzadza (grandpa) was dropping her off at school almost made up for it. I had to be at the hospital at 5:30am. I'm allergic to latex so I was scheduled for the 1st surgery slot of the day. The bad part was I didn't get to sleep until after 3am. I love it too because you can't drink after midnight. That morning at admitting you have to do a pregnancy test. I tried assuring them that unless it was the second coming there was no way I was pregnant but they didn't want to take me at my word. So here I am several hours of no fluids or food and they want me to be in a cup. Hello! Usually there has to be intake for there to be output! Sometimes hospitals are crazy. Then I was finally taken to the surgery floor and put in a just oh so cute- NOT gown and a hat that made me look like an alien (it was metallic so it was supposed to help keep you warm). Since I had MRSA last year and still test positive for colonization I had to be in an isolation unit and all personnel had to have on isolation garb- again completely crazy. Even more so if you consider how many of them would probably test positive because of where they work. After having the IV put in and my history being taken a few thousand times my mom came back to sit with me. It was around 7:45 and I called to make sure PB was up and getting ready for school. I was really I got to talk to her that morning. The nurse joked that my Dr. would most likely walk in at exactly 8am and sure enough he did! The nurse anesthetist wanted me to use my emergency inhaler before surgery in an attempt to stop a bad reaction I usually have. Apparently my surgery took longer than it was supposed to and about the time my mom was doing a "wtf" to the staff the Dr. came out and talked to her. The surgery itself went fine it was just a bit longer in my elbow than he thought it should and then my asthma was a problem. The next thing I remember is someone telling me to take a deep breath. In recovery the nurse had to keep on telling me that because my oxygen level kept on dropping. The nurse in there was incredibly nice which was awesome. She called PB's school and asked them to get a message to PB that mommy was out of surgery & just fine. I stayed in the first stage of recovery for awhile because of my oxygen dropping. I finally got moved to stage 2 recovery and my mom came back. Again I would be fine and them my oxygen would drop and it was like I was almost drifting off to sleep. They finally got my oxygen to stay about 90% and let my mom me home. Can I tell you what beautiful things ice packs and hydrocodone are???? The first week it was basically 2 hydrocodone every 4 hours. Its pretty impossible to have your arm completely immobile without a cast. Then there is my child, cat & dog who all thought they needed to hover constantly. Below are some pics taken a few days after surgery and then a few weeks after the stitches came out. I started PT this week- yeah thats fun.







Now on the plus side of the surgery I had been getting a lot of sleep and did a lot of reading and watching TV. I appropriated my sisters copies of Season 1 and 2 of Sons of Anarchy. Its almost scary how much I love that show. I didn't watch the first season so I'd only seen a few rerun episodes before the start of season 2. The cool thing is that watching some of the episodes for a second time added a lot of perspective. I also didn't know that the actor that plays Otto is the executive producer, Kurt Sutter. I love that every show leaves me with a one line that I think about and chuckle. The guy also has an amazing sense of music and puts some really incredible songs in. Katey Sagal plays Gemma and is such an amazingly strong woman that I think every woman secretly would like to be a bit more like. My absolute favorite since I started watching has been Chibs played by Tommy Flanagan. I love the accent and frankly thing he's gotten the inner strength from hell to have lived through this Glasgow grin experience and y'all know how much I love those really tough manly men! I also think Juice, Theo Rossi, is just too damn cute! I also love the tats on the head although they aren't real. I'm also understanding why so many women are on the Charlie Hunnam bandwagon. I didn't know that Drea De Mateo was on season 1 and I've loved her since she was Joey's sister on Joey (the very short lived Friends spin off)

One of the things I've thought about is why I like this show so much. Its not like I'm into Harleys (kind of always thought they were couches on wheels and liked crotch rockets because I loved the speed adrenalin aspect). I do like that all of the main male characters are without a doubt manly men- no whimps there! Also the idea of the MC seeking out there brand of justice is always intriguing. One of my favorite trash book series is the Fern Michaels Sisterhood series for the same reason. They are out to get their own justice at any cost and I can relate to that. Also since I'm still a Sid Vicious fan the Sid reference in season 1 worked for me too! So you have hot guys with tats including one with a killer Scottish accent and some kick ass music and a great premise and you have a good show.

Well this is by far the most I've typed since my surgery & my elbow is letting me know so I'm outta here for now!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Is it spring yet?

Princess Bear (PB) asked on the way home from school a few days ago when it would be summer. Ummmm, maybe as soon as all the pile snow melts & we go through spring first???? My child is not so good with the whole patience thing! She really doesn't care much about spring except for the fact that she gets to ditch her coat without big ramifications. (she tried wearing a zipper hoodie as a coat the other day- with temps in the negatives!!!). Me, I'm getting really excited about spring. I want to plant some seeds! My favorite season is fall but spring is a runner up. I'm not a fan of either heat or cold. I'm considering building this light setup that I found in Urban Farming. So awesome and about $45 for the whole she-bang! WooHoo! I'm taking over my dad's basement workroom- he just doesn't know it yet!!! haha!

I have my surgery for my carpel and cubital tunnel scheduled for next Friday. I'm a bit nervous because during my pre surgery visit the nurse told me that my ankle would swell and bruise badly again just as part of the healing process. I also am off advil as of today because of the bleeding risk. I'm playing around with postponing the surgery until summer. That way the garden will be going full swing and PB will be done with school so I don't have to worry about those things. Hmmmmm- what to do, what to do?

I've also been emailing with a nice guy named Shawn that I met on Farmers Only website. He wants me to call him. I'm trying to gather up my courage and reach for the phone. This whole online dating things is much weirder and a bit more than I thought it was going to be. Still not sure what I think.

Ok- I'm going to go tackle my room some more and then maybe call Shawn. Have a great day!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Another week.....

Well, snowpalooza is done and over with. Thank goodness! It was not fun but we all survived so I suppose that's good! Here are a few pics of what it was like here near the end of last week.





Princess Bear (PB) had a blast playing in the snow. She literally just throws herself around, dives, slides and builds. We wound up with mounds of snow that were almost 4 feet high on each side of our driveway and she was jumping and sliding off of those- the child has no concept of personal safety but is always about all out fun! Her school district has a new superintendent and school was cancelled from Tuesday through Friday. I must confess that Tuesday was a stretch because it hadn't even started snowing until mid morning time frame but ok. Friday was cold but they should have been back in school but what can you do. The new superintendent is not a Midwesterner and evidently not used to snow storms. She was concerned about bus riders because the weather was so cold and most sidewalks weren't cleared. Um, got news for you- after a storm like this sidewalks don't get cleared! The plows have come through and laid an extra several feet of snow on the sidewalks and that stuff isn't moving until it warms up- a lot! The time off did give me a lot of time to do a lot of one on one education time with PB. For the most part she was a pretty good sport about it and we're making headway so I'm happy.

So that was the story here. I'm going to go work in PB's closet some more- fun stuff! Hope y'all are staying warm!


Monday, January 31, 2011

Dip toes and then jump!

Ok- I'm in it now! That is my quest for the country life! Last week I made a few calls about signing Princess Bear (PB) up for FFA or 4-H. The closest FFA chapter is about an hour and a half from here so that just isn't going to work. There are several 4-H chapters here in town so we're going with that. The February meeting is distributing Valentine cards at a nursing home but no meeting afterwards so that didn't seem like the best time to take PB. Instead we're waiting for the March meeting. That meeting is taking place at our local Hy Vee which is a fairly new store (it opened last summer) and for whatever reason it is one of PB's favorite places to go. The meeting is a tour of the store and then an actual meeting afterwards. She's looking very forward to it. She'll be in a group called Cloverbuds which is for 5-7 year olds. The leader also told me that 8 years old and up always have to present a project at the County fair every summer. We talked about the possibility that PB might have a difficult time at the fair because of the heat and she said that is no problem whatsoever. Instead PB can go to the local extension office here in Peoria and present her project there. I'm just very glad that PB is getting some more socialization. I originally looked for a Brownies troop but for some reason that just never seems to take off at her school.

Then I decided to take the plunge myself and sign up at Farmers Only which is an online sight to find someone else who is also interested in a country lifestyle. I'd never heard of this site before and then heard about it twice in a pretty small time frame. What the heck- it can't make my social life any less busy!

I also signed up for 2 plots at our community garden. Our garden here at home isn't quite as big as I'd like and there isn't room for any other gardening spots around the house. The plots are 4' x 8' and cost $10 for the summer. So I figure a $20 investment isn't a bad idea for uping my growing space by almost 50%. I'm planning on using one of the plots for tomatoes only. I'm going to be a canning fool I tell you! Think of all the tomato juice, salsa, ketchup, chili and pasta sauce I can put by for the winter! I'm so excited! I'm going to do a lot of beans, peas and carrots in the other space with maybe some beets because PB loves munching on beet stalks with ranch dressing. I was pickig out my blueberry bushes last night. I'm planning on getting somewhere between 6-8 semi sized blueberry bushes. That way they can be grown in containers around the backyard even if I manage to get a swimming pool for PB this summer, G-d willing! I'm also thinking about a couple of dwarf apricot and nectarine trees for the patio. We have 2 apple trees so we're going to have lots of great fruit hopefully. I also really really REALLY want a strawberry pyramid. Have you seen these? They're so cool. Its a circular, tiered strawberry garden that has space for 50 strawberry plants in a 6' circle! You can take a look HERE. You can purchase a netting set to go over it to keep pesky birds out of your garden! Man do I want one of these!!! PB would be so happy being able to pick her own strawberries and blueberries. The only other berry she likes is raspberry & I don't have the space or ability to deal with canes right now.

So, that is what is happening here. Now we're just getting ready to hunker down for the foot of snow that we're supposed to get between now and Wednesday- oh yah! NOT!

Friday, January 28, 2011

4 Questions about me

I read this over at Jen on the Edge yesterday and decided I would give this a spin. Then I found out about winning the Box Imagination Co contest and detoured a bit. Now I'm back front and center! Although I promise I cannot pick one answer for each question!

1) If you could have been best friends with someone in history, who would it be and why?
Well for the homesteading, living a meaningful life part of me I would have to go with Scott and Helen Nearing



(yes, that is 2 people but really only one choice!)

and then for the crafty side of me Martha Stewart.


I love Martha! She's so the bomb and she's Polish to boot! My mom says that I'm a mix between Martha and Phoebe from Friends....not so sure if that's good or bad!

2) If you could have dinner with a famous person in current times, who would it be and why?
Ok Jen I know this will have you shaking your heading muttering but I would want to have dinner with Glenn Beck because I adore him! He never wants you to take his word for it. He tells you to question things and to read and make your own decisions!


and I'd also want to have dinner with Jenny McCarthy- didn't see that one coming did you?


Its because of her stand on autism. Now in some ways I really hate how much time and money is given to autism but she's a mom who really fought for her child and found things that helped him and I find it really inspirational. Then if you wanted to make me a really happy camper you could throw in a dinner with Max Martini Photobucket
Dwayne Johnson Photobucket
or Howie Long Photobucket

just so I could sit there and drool for awhile. Honestly- these are some seriously hot dudes!!!

3) What is your favorite book/books and why?
OK- for a book with substance and meaning I have to go with Golda by Elinor Burkett (a biography of Golda Meir)
For laugh out loud funny I love the Stephanie Plum novels by Janet Evanovich, for fun mysteries with great recipes the Hannah Swenson books by Joanne Fluke are great, I'm loving the Virgin River series by Robyn Carr and my old stand bys are Debbie Macomber, Fern Michaels and Nora Roberts. I love Fern Michaels Sisterhood series because the premise of extracting your own justice is something I think every woman wishes she could do at one time or another. Lastly, the book He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt is an awesome look into the guy mind.
Go ahead, wonder on over to Amazon and read about them- bet you'll find something in my list that works for you!

4) What is your favorite smell and why?
OK- what time of year is it?
I love lavender, vanilla and clove and various spices if we're going with natural scents.


Unfortunately when I smell that I really, really, REALLY want one of these!


Not a good thing!

If we're talking about perfume scents my all time favorite is LouLou


which isn't even sold in the US anymore (anybody going to Europe soon????) and my backups are Casmir and Hypnotic Poison

So any shockers here? Let me know if I surprised you!

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Ok- I have to confess something, ok? I LOVE WINNING THINGS!!!!!!!!!!! It puts me in a really good mood!!! I did lots of contest links on my other blog but that has gone by the wayside. I hope to pick it up again. I was feeling a bit down one day so I entered some blog giveaways just for fun. Well, Glitterful Felt Stories had an Imagination Box Castle Tower giveaway & I just found out I won!!!!!!!! WOOHOO! WOOHOO! WOOHOO! Even better is how excited Princess Bear (PB) is going to be when she receives this!!! I'm excited for her! She's really, really, really into the whole princess thing right now so this comes at a perfect time!

Man, don't you love it when life hands you a pick up? Things have just been kind of blah. Winter ick outside, my ankle injury and just generally blah. I'm so stoked!!!!

Now I'm going to go curl up on the couch and read for a bit & maybe even grab a quick nap before I go grab PB from school. I helped my sister @ the peditricians this morning & had to ditch the crutches. I have decided that we're renaming Luke to Brian though! He is literally off the growth charts for weight & head circumference and 80% for height (weird since my bil is 6'9") and he reminds me of a mini Brian Urlacher (I look at the man & always feel bad for his mom when I see how big his head is! Click HERE to see what I mean!)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Another trip to Chicago done and over

Wow- I've got to say that I've made more Dr's trips to Chicago with Princess Bear (PB) than I can count at this point. What still amazes me is how absolutely exhausting this trips are. My mom & dad went with us since I'm still not clear to drive long distances let alone stop & go traffic in Chicago. The day started waking up at 5am. Now I'm not under ANY circumstances a morning person. Hell- if I'm up at 5am its because I haven't gone to bed yet! So up at 5 and in the car & on the road by 6:05am. My parents borrowed my brother in laws car under the theory that I'd have more room to stretch out my leg. Well that meant putting my foot on the arm rest of the front seat and that didn't fly. PB & I fell asleep about an hour into the trip since there wasn't much to do. An hour and a half later my mom decided to wake us up FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!!!!! Ugh! I made good use of my time by putting on some make-up. I really need to do that more often! I look better & feel better! So we finally arrived at Shriners and as always its sit, wait, wait some more and then see someone for 5 minutes and what a lot longer. The medical photographer took new pics of PB and then we were put in a room to see the plastic surgeon. We weren't planning on seeing him and my dad had some questions for him so that worked out well. Unfortunately, the questions my dad had were questions I previously asked and my mom & dad didn't think I had my information correct when relaying it to them- guess what- I DID! I know y'all are surprised! The developmental psychologist, the sole reason for our visit, popped in the room while were were waiting and asked a few questions including if I'd brought a copy of PB's report card. She'd never asked for this before so I didn't have it with me. Shortly after that the plastic surgeon came in the room and spent all of 5 minutes with us. He gave us absolutely no idea when PB's next surgery will be. That means we can't plan the surgery to straighten PB's eyes. Since the dawn of Obamacare is upon us I'm really nervous about all of these up in the air procedures. We went back to the waiting area and I started filling out the paperwork the developmental pyschologist game me (one set was 4 pages and the other was 10) and wondered why they don't send this to my house ahead of time for me to fill out and then bring back all ready to go. My dad apparently had his panties in a bunch "and wanted to throttle me because I'm my usual irresponsible self and wasn't prepared for the visit" because I didn't have a copy of the report card the psychologist asked about. I tried explaining it hadn't been asked for so why in the heck would I bring it? Not good enough. It led to a huge fight with my parents and my mom telling me she thought that PB & I needed to move out because I'm never going to grow up while living here. WTF? The collective irrational thinking is astounding! The developmental pyschologist decided that she wanted PB to see the speech pathologist which I thought was already happening. Since her speech path here is useless I was fine with that. I got some great feedback from both of them which was nice. They both think PB has some problems with recall and memory which has me concerned but hopefully that can be overcome. I'm not looking forward to reading the report from the developmental psychologist since they tend to be quite harsh. We finally left Shriners around 3:15 (after arriving at 9:40!) so we managed to hit the road right as rush time was starting. That part of being around Chicago I do not miss in the slightest!!! Considering the slow start we made good time getting home and got back here by 6:45pm. It was a night of early bed times all around. Now my ankle is swollen more than twice the size it was when the trip started so I'm a bit worried about that but just glad that I have a nice quiet day by myself! I'm going to curl up with my copy of Urban Farm and read for a bit!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the restraints!

OK- in our household we're in mourning. Yesterday was the NFC playoff between our beloved Chicago Bears & the Green Bay Packers. I know that those who read my blog aren't big NFL fans but you know I am so sorry for the post! The Bears vs Packers rivalry is an old deep rivalry. I HATE THE GREEN BAY PACKERS!!! Can't stand them! Yesterday was not a swell day in our household anyway since my mom felt the need to have a meltdown over the state of the basement when she went to do the laundry. Anyway we all settled down to watch the game. I was very sore because I did a few trips up & down the stairs. Anyway the living room couch and I were one yesterday for the game and Princess Bear (PB) didn't even ask to change the channels. She's liked watching football since she was an infant- I think it was the colors and action on the TV screen at that point but whatever works right??? :) Anyhoo- I was evidently a lot more worn out that I thought because I crashed HARD during the game. Now I'll be the first to admit that I'm usually the first one lining up for a Sunday afternoon nap but not while an important game is on! My mom called me & realized I was asleep & got very worried- that's how out of character it is for me. Anyway, during my nap was the portion of the game that Jay Cutler (Chicago's quarterback) was supposedly hurt. I remember seeing Collins play and thinking "what the heck" and then drifting back to sleep and waking up when Hanie was playing. Now Chicago is a team that is known for its quarterback issues. They're also known for not paying their athletes a lot and keeping coaches long after they should be kicked to the curb. Here are a few links for some of the "controversy" stirring around about Jay Cutlers injury.


Now I'm not Jay Cutler, a Dr or a trainer but I do know that if I hurt myself badly enough to pull out of whatever activity I'm in that I'm not going to be standing up on the sidelines. Just me but if I'm in pain my happy a#s is sitting down! Now you might be saying that its not fair that Cutler is catching all this flack for an alleged injury. Well the problem is that Cutler is a damn princess! Its actually the reason the Bears acquired him! We didn't get him because he was such a great QB- and G-d only knows the Bears really needed that! Now we got Cutler because the Bronco's had given up on him. The story is that Cutler supposedly got upset that the coach didn't say hello to him. Huh? What grade are you in? So we have a quarterback that is marginally better than what we had but not such a big deal that we should have been dancing in the streets which unfortunately happened to an extent because the Bears quarterback situation had been SO dismal. Now there is one more down side to this story- the Bears had a pretty good season overall so in all probability Lovie Smiths job is safe. NO NO NO!!!! If the Bears would have had a bad year I'm pretty sure Lovie would be out the door since there were rooms to that extent before the beginning of the season. Now I'm sure management is going to give him some more time. I really wish that the Chicago Bears management would do a few things: 1)actually spend a decent amount of money on some key players- most importantly a quarterback. (they should also get rid of Collins and put some time into Hanie because he showed some promise) 2) send Lovie Smith packing. Yes in the 7 seasons he's had 4 winning seasons but I just don't see him being a positive thing for the team anymore. Here is a breakdown of the Bears season record since Smith was hired:
2004 5W 11L
2005 11W 5L
2006 13W 3L
2007 7W 9L
2008 9W 7L
2009 7W 9L
2010 11W 5L

As you can see our really last great season was 2006 when we went to the Super Bowl against Indianapolis. We lost but since Indy's my backup team and Tony Dungy was the Colts coach at the time and is arguably one of the best coaches ever I can deal with the loss.

So have you had enough rambling about football for now? Sorry but its a big deal in my house as is baseball. Anyway I'll move on! Yesterday I noticed that 2 of the toes on the foot I hurt and twisted my ankle on were going numb. Ok- could be a problem. Also I'm still in a hot of pain even though the indicated that I should be feeling a lot better by now. So this morning I had an appointment with my Dr. He is considering an MRI at this point to see if there is any damage to the ligament at least more that just stretching it. He told me he wants me on crutches for 2 more weeks and then a cane. I also can't drive long distances and have to be very cautious because if I break too hard with my foot and could damage the ligament big time. Man- when I hurt myself I go all out! My mom isn't too happy and assured me that I still need to have my room done to her satisfaction by my surgery next month. All of this also means that when we go to Chicago for PB's appointment at Shriners tomorrow that I can't drive up there or back. My Dr. about had a fit when I mentioned driving to Chicago. So both of my parents are going up there. This is my dad's first time at Shriners so I'm kind of glad about that because he'll get a better idea of why I don't want any of PB's surgeries there. Tomorrows appointment isn't going to be too much of a big deal. PB is meeting with the Developmental Psychologist and Speech Path that have followed her since she was a few months old. Its a bit nerve wracking because the psychologist tried telling me before PB was even 3 years old that PB would never finish high school or achieve an real dependence for herself. Fortunately her opinion has changed. We might see the surgeon for just a minute but most likely he won't have time. I'm ok with that because his non committal attitude completely stresses me out. The only reason I want to see him is so we can discuss starting PBs orthodontic care. She's lost several teeth and our dentist told me that she might not have all of her adult teeth and that since her mouth is so crowded that might not be a bad thing. I'd really like for my baby to have all of her teeth and not have to spend years enduring dental work but it doesn't look like that one is in the cards.

The only other notable thing going on is that I got to see my nephews on Saturday when they came for dinner. Not seeing them for over a week is tough at this point! When they got here my brother in law gave me the baby and a bottle so I could do some bonding with him. That baby is so happy its just not even funny! Then my oldest nephew got really worried when he saw my foot and got out PB's stethoscope and "listened" to my ankle. The kid is so cute and too smart. He was so excited to see dessert with whipped cream on it. My dad gave it to him and his response was this awesome "Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" He only ate the whipped cream and was pretty upset he couldn't score more. I don't know why not! Such mean parents!!! Just kidding so that has been my life in the past few days. I'll hopefully post about PB's Shriners visit on Wednesday.

Friday, January 21, 2011


Man- I've done a whole lot of nothing this week! I've slept, read, slept, planned my garden and slept some more! I must say the sleep is really welcome! Especially since my insomnia had been pretty out of control. There is one slight problem- my days & nights are TOTALLY reversed! I've always been a night owl but its back in force! So much for 11pm bedtimes! :) Gotta get back to that! I've done a huge amount of trash reading which is kind of fun. My sister & I both read a small Christmas novella by Robyn Carr- part of her Virgin River series. She's a really fun trash book author! So of course my sister & I had to go back & start at the beginning of the Virgin River Series. If you want to check out Robyn Carr go HERE. Nothing about reading about manly men, small town life & the women the love! lol Yes I am a trash romance junkie- just a way to live vicariously!

I've also been doing some heavy duty planning on my garden. Yes, I admit it, I'm obsessed! I've actually graphed it out on graph paper. I really want the garden I WANT this year! I've been pouring over seed catalogs and reading my gardening books. I'm going for a very intensively planned square foot succession garden plan. Most of my seeds are coming from Sand Hill Preservation Center. They are just a hop, skip and a jump away being located in Iowa so I figure what they have good luck with I should as well. In addition this man is really dedicated to the genetic preservation of open pollenation seeds. This is important for so many reasons up to and including being able to save seeds for future gardens. The other 2 places I'm getting seeds from are Bountiful Gardens and Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds. I would SO love to take a roadtrip to visit Baker Creek Seeds!!!!!!!!!!

Other than that I've been trying to do some cleaning while not hurting my ankle. Fun and games I tell you!