Thursday, March 31, 2011

Steve part deux

Ok so a recap- I'm totally and completely into this guy Steve and Princess Bear (PB) adores him as well. I also knew that since my relationships all have a tendency to blow up that if nothing happened with Steve I was cool with that. His friendship was really important to me and PB. It was awesome to have a guy friend who made me laugh that much. That is probably the thing I miss the most since my Great Lakes days. On with the story- I always send Steve text messages and he never replies. He's one of those anti phone guys (I think its a genetic male trait actually). Anyway I was having a really shit day and I had called him earlier and left a message that I was going to Barnes & Noble if he wanted to meet for coffee and if not that was fine too. Well the day continued to go downhill. The clincher was PB looking at me and telling me that she hated me. Yeah, that one just warmed the cockles of my heart, gotta tell you! I was hoping we'd hit the tween years at the earliest before that one was unleashed. I text several friends telling them about it and asking for any advice. Steve was one of the people I text. Several girlfriends come back with the "she didn't mean it" "you're a great mom" and whatnot. Then my phone beeps with another text message and its from Steve. Ok- could have pushed me over with a feather! I sat there & kind of stared at the phone for a few minutes and wondering what the hell that was all about. I sent Susie a text saying that Steve had text back and I was scared to open it. It was like one of those Mission Impossible moments that I thought the phone might self destruct when I opened the text message. Then I did the well maybe he has a girlfriend now & she's telling me to stop texting. Just weird random thoughts. Susie is like you've got to read it and let me know. Steve's message was basically him remembering whenever he said that to his mom she would reply "too bad because I love you anyway" and telling me that he hoped my night got better. I replied that his mom sounded like a really smart lady. From there on out Steve actually replied to texts and it was awesome. We could have an entire text conversation. This was all around the time of when I really started babysitting both of my nephews a lot and Tyler was going through real sibling issues. Since Steve is the 2nd youngest of 7 I would often ask him what his reaction was to Karl coming home (another brother I know well and love to give shit to). This was also the beginning of the school year and PB was having trouble with the hoodlum from hades as well as just adjusting to a new school year and all of the changes in her life. She and her cousins are more like siblings than cousins in many aspects. She was delighted having a new cousin but was not thrilled that my parents were constantly at my sisters helping since my sister was so sick. She was basically feeling deserted by my parents. One day she had a melt down that she was home to see Caillou and I forgot to record it for her. My mom told me to just take her to Barnes & Noble after school & let her pick a new Caillou video. Time for some more back story- I have a small issue with catching the car bumper on the parking blocks. I don't know if its because I'm so dang short of it I have absolutely no depth perception at all. Regardless its an issue. Steve had fixed it for me many times when he was still working at Franks. Well as PB and I were leaving Barnes and Noble I once again had caught the bumper- this time though the whole bumper starts yanking off. I immediately go into panic mode thinking that my parents are going to flip the hell out. I tried jamming it back on- yeah that didn't work so well. I called down to Franks & told him what was going on. He said that the guys were getting ready to go home & it would have to wait until the next day. Um- no I'll be dead by then. I get in the car and immediately start heading for Steve's house. I called him and he answered- something he NEVER did. I told him what was going on and he said to head over to the house & he'd meet me there. I got there first and turned in his neighbors driveway to park in front of his house so I wouldn't block the driveway. As I did the the bumper finally gave up the ghost and fell completely off. I finished parking and unbuckled PB. We were getting out of the car as Steve pulled up. He told me to park by the garage. He neighbor was looking out the window and I'm sure wondering what the heck is going on- that chick just left her bumper in someone's driveway. I got out and went to recover the bumper but Steve and PB beat me to it. Now I also have to say that I was looking like death run over. My hair wasn't the best because the night before had been a no wash night and it was thrown back in a clip as well as a few other things. I was pretty mortified that Steve was seeing me this way. He was just his awesome self and fixed the car right up. I thanked him all over the place and told him that I owed him dinner. A bit later I text him to thank him again and asked him what kind of pasta he wanted- tetrazinni or carbonara. Silly me- the man loves anything with bacon so I really didn't even need to ask. While he was fixing the car we were talking about my sister reading me the riot act for watching Sons of Anarchy. I was white trash yada yada yada. He just laughed. A few days later it was my birthday and I took that weeks episode of Sons of Anarchy over there. The idea was to make him watch it then. We sat down and watched it and had a nice afternoon. I don't do well with silence. The fact that I watched an entire episode with someone there and didn't talk was a real sign of how comfortable I felt with him. When it was time for me to pick up PB from school I tried convincing Steve to come with because we were going to get ice cream. No such luck. I picked up PB from school and she was excited that we were getting ice cream but she wanted to take some to Steve. Now you have to understand that I didn't suggest this to her and hadn't mentioned that I was over there earlier. I told her that I wasn't sure if he was home. She decided that we'd get ice cream for him and go over anyway. Can you tell my child has determination? So we hit Culvers and picked up ice cream. As we were turning onto the road to get to Steve's house he was turning from the opposite direction. I had called him and left a message so he knew what was up. We went in had our ice cream and had a nice time. Steve took PB across the street to the woods to see if the deer were close enough to see and then he took her down to the playground. She had a ball. Downside- she overheated. It wasn't a big deal- just kind of another day in the life of PB. I had a PTA meeting that night & I called my parents to see if they wanted me to feed PB before I went or if they had dinner plans including her. My mom said that she didn't care. So we stayed an visited a bit longer and then took off. Well, my mom had a complete fit when we got home. Now this isn't unusual for my mom as its just part of her delightful demeanor. She didn't really believe me that I didn't suggest to PB that we should go over to Steve's until I told her that I'd already seen him that day. Since then she's very used to PB asking to go to Steve's and has actually helped trying to explain to PB why we haven't seen Steve lately. Hell- I don't understand it so how can my 7 year old daughter? The week after my birthday I went over to Steve's to see his newest toy that he brought back from a trip back to Kansas. Since shortly after my birthday Steve had stopped returning texts. Just as quickly has it started it stopped. Then I was deleted from his Facebook friends list. Silly me- I thought it was some sort of accident and sent a new friend request. Steve cut off all communication. I tried several times asking what was going on. I was nice and then eventually bitchy. PB wasn't understanding why she couldn't see her Steve. I finally told him that he was really important to PB and since the problem was apparently with me that I would stay in the car when I went took her to visit him. The next time I took her there was early December. She was thrilled that he was home and I let her visit. A few minutes later she came out and told me to come in. I thought it was an invitation from Steve. We went in and talked for a few and I asked him why he'd 86'd me from his life. No real answer. On the way home I asked PB about Steve asking me in and she admitted that she asked if I could come in. I told her that wasn't part of the bargain and she wouldn't be able to visit him if she did that again. I sent him a text apologizing and letting him know that I talked to PB and hopefully she understood the rules now. That was the last time that either of us have seen Steve. I tend to hibernate in winter anyway so it wasn't too much of a surprise. Lately though PB has been asking for him constantly. I usually tell her that he's busy with work or some other lame excuse that I hope will appease her. The other day we had to drive near his house when we were on the way to Fresh Market with my mom and she was screaming that she wanted her Steve. We reminded her that we were going to the store & she'd get a cookie so she chilled a bit. On the way home the scenario repeated. For whatever reason my mom's decided that Steve is bipolar. First of all I think its funny that my mom would diagnose anyone when she won't admit her own issues. Also how she came to the bipolar diagnosis I'm not completely sure. Anyway it was kind of fun trying to listen to my mom explaining to PB that it wasn't her fault or mine or anyone else's for that matter that Steve wasn't being nice or friendly. On Tuesday of this week (a mere 4 days after the above scene) PB started asking for Steve again. I once again told her that he was at work. She decided she'd call him. I gave her my cell phone and she left a message. Hopefully she'll be appeased for awhile. I'd just give my eyeteeth to understand why Steve decided to axe me out of his life. As I said I was completely ok with the fact that nothing romantic would happen. Disappointed but ok with it. His friendship meant a lot more. I can handle the disappointment. I may not like it but I can wrap my head around it. I am very pissed that my little girl has gotten hurt. I tried making it easy for him to still be the hero he was to her while staying off to the side. To say I don't get any of this would be an understatement.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The heart is a funny frustrating thing!

I don't know why I'm just now broaching this subject. Perhaps because I'm still somewhat afraid of someone I don't want finding it coming across my blog. Ever since an ex of mine found it I've worried. Its just I need to sort out some feelings about Steve. Haven't heard that name have you? Steve is a dear friend of mine and Princess Bear (PB). I adore Steve in ways that I don't even understand and I'm not the only one. PB is a one child Steve adoration platoon. Steve is a family friend- kind of. PB & I are closest to him. His brother is our mechanic and close to the whole family and we know several other brothers too. Steve used to work for his brother which is how we met him as he'd previously been living in another state. I guess I should have been a bit leery as he has a pretty solid reputation of cutting people out of this life- especially family. Before he moved here he'd not talked to Frank for a long time. Karl and he had been very close and he'd cut out Karl & his family until recently. There's a lot of speculation on what Steve's issues are- most something definitely in the mental health family. As someone who's dealt with my own issues its pretty recognizable. That said Steve was a really great friend to me and PB. She adores her Steve as she calls him. One day we went to the garage to get something on the car looked at and she went bouncing into the back to find Steve and we found out that he'd quit. No warning, nada. The guys came in one day & found Steve had returned all the tools he'd been given as various gifts and a lawn mower. Ok- not particularly cool but not something we really needed to get involved in. PB was devastate that she couldn't see her Steve but really wasn't grabbing the full concept. I'd sent him a few text messages and never heard anything back. Steve isn't big on the phone in the first place so that wasn't much of a surprise. Steve & I were facebook friends and we talked on there occasionally and he always kept up with things I said on Facebook. Steve had been living with Frank & got his own place shortly before quitting Franks. Well finally after PB asking for her Steve on a very regular basis and having a fit when we did have to go deal with something on the car and him not being there I gave in and took her to his house to visit. He seemed to take it in stride and she was so thrilled.

Now here's my emotional disclosure on all of this. I have a thing for Steve. Won't even try to deny it. I am so attracted to this man in all ways possible- his intellect, we have common interests and I'm completely hot for his body. Now thats kind of a puzzler because he really isn't "my type". Just a refresher- my type is TALL (gotta be at least 6' but preferably taller), blonde, blue eyed and please be rocking a few tats ok! Well, Steve isn't that tall, has brownish blonde hair, green eyes and no ink. Hell- who these days other than my brother in law has no ink? Steve! Now all that said I'll do the short list (and this is just the short list) of what I like about the man. First of all he's scary smart and a smart funny guy is sexy as all hell! He's also crazy funny! The guy can and does make me smile on an almost constant basis. We both love reading, the same music- especially some of the same old school stuff. He was a skater and frankly the only person I've met in the last 15 years that knew who Natas Kapas is. One day I put some Ramones lyrics on Facebook & he was like "Yeah!". Love it! Then there is the fact that the guy is so good and caring with my daughter. It wasn't by any means what made my heart go pitter patter for the guy but it definitely clinched it. He never spoke down to her or treated her like she wasn't capable of understanding something. He was also protective of her. He lives near a grade school and there is a short cut from the school to the playground by his house. He was worried that she would sneak out of school one day and try to come visit him. Actually he worried that she wouldn't be home when she did it. Yeah- melt my heart.

Now I knew that I was into this guy. He was all of the above and I wanted him 30 different ways. That said I knew the most important thing was our friendship. Chances of relationships working out- especially mine are not high and friendships are precious. I made the call early on that I was fine if nothing happened between me and Steve as long as he and I remained friends and he was still an important part of PB's life.

I'll have to finish this up later- gotta get ready for OT & then babysitting! fun fun!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dist. 150 SUCKS!

As I mentioned I had Princess Bears (PB) IEP coming up. I wasn't looking forward to this for several reasons. Here are a few
-I'm never a fan of them in general because the are so stressful
-I've only met the new OT a few times, the PT once and the Speech path 0 times. Yes folks that is right- I wouldn't be able to point out her Speech path or PT if you had them in a line up and held a gun up to my head
-I'm beyond frustrated with the speech path who I've spend the last couple of months playing phone tag with but could never get ahold of.

So I initially thought I was going to be attending the IEP by myself which really had me jazzed. I love my mom and I know she loves PB but we inevitably walk out of meetings like this with my mom telling me how I've been f*&king PB over by not doing all I can for her. Evidently spending time working with her everyday is not enough. My dad pitched a fit because he thought I was going to go in and make a big scene and really alienate the therapist who would in turn take it out on PB so I said my mom could go. On the way to pick up my mom I had the Sex Pistols & Rob Zombie blaring. I was absolutely ready to go to battle.

The speech path from Shriners had faxed a letter to my moms office saying that PB should have a minimum of 3 weekly 30 minute individual sessions and all her reasons to support this. Previous to this year PB always had one 30 min individual session and one 30 minute "group" session with one other student. I wasn't happy with the group but had always been assured it was a child who PB could work well and learn with. I knew that PB's group sessions this year had 2 other students which is what prompted the game of phone tag with the speech path. What I didn't know until yesterday is that PB is not getting ANY individual sessions- no child is because they are understaffed. Um yeah- not my problem. As soon as I get done with this post I'm making calls to get copies of all of BP's IEPs and speech path notes since she started the district at 3 years old. I'm contacting the school board, the local paper, Advocates for Access and my State Representative. Can you tell I'm not happy?

After a lot of fighting the speech path agreed to add an additional 30 minutes of speech for PB which of course will be in a group because the poor speech is so overworked. We have to re-evaluate in the fall. She admitted that PB is making progress with 60 minutes and that more therapy should show more progress so I'll fight the battle in the fall to keep the entire 90 minutes. I also got a call before walking into the IEP that the PTs wanted to take PB from 60 minutes a week, so 240 minutes a month, down to 30 minutes a month. They claimed that she's met all her goals. Yep she has- sounds like its time to write new tougher goals then isn't it? I did agree to let PT drop down to 30 minutes a week. The coordinator was a HUGE help in getting the additional speech time as she said one of PB's best traits is her friendly social nature and that if we want her to be comfortable in society that she has to be understood by members of society. Her teacher said that PB can be understood in the classroom but pointed out that she's been teaching special needs students for almost 30 years and can decipher almost all speech. I am so sick and tired of fighting for things for my daughter that should just be happening. I've said this before and I'll say it again as much as I hate the fact that PBs future is so up in the air the more help, intervention, therapy and skills she gets now will cost the state less in the long run. I hate that its all about the almighty dollar instead of people actually caring enough about this kids to help them succeed to the best of their abilities. SO, I'm done ranting for the moment and now I'm going to start making phone calls and I figure by sometime next week someone over at the admin offices will have my foot planted in their arse!


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Life and such

Its been its usual craziness around here lately. The weather has been gorgeous so Princess Bear (PB) and I have spent a fair amount of time outside. I think the child would stay outside 24/7 if I'd let her! We planted some lettuce the other day so now I'm really itching to get in the garden! I've also been walking to the school to pick her up in the afternoons and my neighbor Kim lets PB walk one of her dogs home so PB is in 7th Heaven! On Friday I had an appointment with the podiatrist about the stupid bump on my toe. Its a cyst and the Dr told me I'm not to touch it at all! He then numbed it with a general anesthetic and then shot my toe full of a steroid. Since I'm something of a freak of nature and things never go like they're supposed to the general didn't completely wear off for days. My whole foot was numb all day Friday. Weird stuff I tell you!

I'm all set for a craft show in May and really excited about it! I'm going to do mostly the Scrabble tile and bottle cap necklaces with flip flops. I'll have some barrettes and bows with crocheted socks as well but they aren't the big emphasis. This show only costs $20 for a table which is AWESOME!!! and I have high hopes! I'd love to get a local clientele.

Other than that I'm just completely exhausted and can't sleep for shit. It doesn't matter how tired I am but I cannot fall asleep. Its getting to the point of being a problem. Then again between that and PMS that I should be in rare form for PB's IEP meeting tomorrow. I told my mom that I don't want her attending this one. She usually takes notes & gives her 2 cents on things but I'm beyond pissed this year so I don't want to deal with her telling me to calm down & play nice. It is March & I have NO feedback from the Speech therapist or the PT and minimal feedback from the OT. Actually I've never even met the Speech therapist although I did play phone tag trying to get a hold of her for a month or so. PB's supposed to get 30 minutes of 1 on 1 speech per week and then 30 minutes of group which is supposed to be 2 students (including her) once a week. Group has now become 3 or 4 students. PB is less clear in her speech and we're constantly asking her to repeat things. It almost feels like we're back to where we were when she started talking a few years ago. Its so frustrating! So I'm going in riding my bitch stick and letting these women know I'm not happy.

So thats the story here!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm back & basically in 1 piece!

Hi! I'm alive! I had my surgery on Feb 18th. Before that I was dealing with my mother and her crazy quest for a clean (ie sterile no one lives here house). Princess Bear (PB) was not thrilled at the prospect of me having surgery although the fact that her Dzadza (grandpa) was dropping her off at school almost made up for it. I had to be at the hospital at 5:30am. I'm allergic to latex so I was scheduled for the 1st surgery slot of the day. The bad part was I didn't get to sleep until after 3am. I love it too because you can't drink after midnight. That morning at admitting you have to do a pregnancy test. I tried assuring them that unless it was the second coming there was no way I was pregnant but they didn't want to take me at my word. So here I am several hours of no fluids or food and they want me to be in a cup. Hello! Usually there has to be intake for there to be output! Sometimes hospitals are crazy. Then I was finally taken to the surgery floor and put in a just oh so cute- NOT gown and a hat that made me look like an alien (it was metallic so it was supposed to help keep you warm). Since I had MRSA last year and still test positive for colonization I had to be in an isolation unit and all personnel had to have on isolation garb- again completely crazy. Even more so if you consider how many of them would probably test positive because of where they work. After having the IV put in and my history being taken a few thousand times my mom came back to sit with me. It was around 7:45 and I called to make sure PB was up and getting ready for school. I was really I got to talk to her that morning. The nurse joked that my Dr. would most likely walk in at exactly 8am and sure enough he did! The nurse anesthetist wanted me to use my emergency inhaler before surgery in an attempt to stop a bad reaction I usually have. Apparently my surgery took longer than it was supposed to and about the time my mom was doing a "wtf" to the staff the Dr. came out and talked to her. The surgery itself went fine it was just a bit longer in my elbow than he thought it should and then my asthma was a problem. The next thing I remember is someone telling me to take a deep breath. In recovery the nurse had to keep on telling me that because my oxygen level kept on dropping. The nurse in there was incredibly nice which was awesome. She called PB's school and asked them to get a message to PB that mommy was out of surgery & just fine. I stayed in the first stage of recovery for awhile because of my oxygen dropping. I finally got moved to stage 2 recovery and my mom came back. Again I would be fine and them my oxygen would drop and it was like I was almost drifting off to sleep. They finally got my oxygen to stay about 90% and let my mom me home. Can I tell you what beautiful things ice packs and hydrocodone are???? The first week it was basically 2 hydrocodone every 4 hours. Its pretty impossible to have your arm completely immobile without a cast. Then there is my child, cat & dog who all thought they needed to hover constantly. Below are some pics taken a few days after surgery and then a few weeks after the stitches came out. I started PT this week- yeah thats fun.







Now on the plus side of the surgery I had been getting a lot of sleep and did a lot of reading and watching TV. I appropriated my sisters copies of Season 1 and 2 of Sons of Anarchy. Its almost scary how much I love that show. I didn't watch the first season so I'd only seen a few rerun episodes before the start of season 2. The cool thing is that watching some of the episodes for a second time added a lot of perspective. I also didn't know that the actor that plays Otto is the executive producer, Kurt Sutter. I love that every show leaves me with a one line that I think about and chuckle. The guy also has an amazing sense of music and puts some really incredible songs in. Katey Sagal plays Gemma and is such an amazingly strong woman that I think every woman secretly would like to be a bit more like. My absolute favorite since I started watching has been Chibs played by Tommy Flanagan. I love the accent and frankly thing he's gotten the inner strength from hell to have lived through this Glasgow grin experience and y'all know how much I love those really tough manly men! I also think Juice, Theo Rossi, is just too damn cute! I also love the tats on the head although they aren't real. I'm also understanding why so many women are on the Charlie Hunnam bandwagon. I didn't know that Drea De Mateo was on season 1 and I've loved her since she was Joey's sister on Joey (the very short lived Friends spin off)

One of the things I've thought about is why I like this show so much. Its not like I'm into Harleys (kind of always thought they were couches on wheels and liked crotch rockets because I loved the speed adrenalin aspect). I do like that all of the main male characters are without a doubt manly men- no whimps there! Also the idea of the MC seeking out there brand of justice is always intriguing. One of my favorite trash book series is the Fern Michaels Sisterhood series for the same reason. They are out to get their own justice at any cost and I can relate to that. Also since I'm still a Sid Vicious fan the Sid reference in season 1 worked for me too! So you have hot guys with tats including one with a killer Scottish accent and some kick ass music and a great premise and you have a good show.

Well this is by far the most I've typed since my surgery & my elbow is letting me know so I'm outta here for now!