Thursday, May 14, 2015

Not enough shopping, chocolate or wine

The drama at Princess Bears (PBs) school continues to unfold.  The other day when I was picking up PB the little boys grandmother came over and started yelling at me.  I did talk to PBs coordinator about that and the fact that this whole mess is stressing the heck out of PB.  The teachers are taking this keeping the kids apart to the point of being militant and and learning experience that this might have been has been completely lost.  I did let the coordinator know that I was considering filing a police report.  I also have a meeting with the principal and coordinator next week.  My parents were initially very against me filing a police report.  They are concerned that the crazy grandmother and whack a doodle mom might try to retaliate.  My thing is that if we have some sort of paper trail to backup how crazy they are then we're better off.  One of my dads closest friends is a retired lawyer/ family court judge.  After he retired from public service he went to other countries teaching law.  Dude knows what he's doing.  I finally got through to my parents that it was probably a good idea for us to talk to Rick and get his opinion.  That's happening this weekend.  There are few people that I trust their opinion completely and Rick is definitely one of them.  I'm just ready for this shit to be done. 

Then today I signed my daughter up to be on the waiting list of a group home for when she's an adult.  It is absolutely killing me.  Everyone keeps on telling me that I need to make those arrangements in case something happens to me or PB decides that she's ready to move out of the house.  I don't think completely independent living is something PB will be able to do.  The place that I put her on the list for has a variety of options.  Everything from a 70 bed facility to a 4-6 person home.  At this point in time the woman who I talked to seems to think that a setting like a 4-6 person home is what PB needs.  There is 24 hour supervision but the residents do most of the things like cooking, cleaning and laundry themselves (at least to the best of their abilities).  PB is very much a home body and I honestly can't see her saying in 6 years that she wants to move out.

 I'm honestly not sure why this is suck a hard thing.  I don't know if it's giving the trust over to other people to take care of my baby and hope that they'll do a good job of it.  It's some more dreams that seem to be quietly dying.  I'm still hoping that we can obtain a level of independence for her that might allow her to live in an apartment and just have a caregiver check in a couple times a day.  Part of it is just pure fear.  The world is a very mean place and the innocents of this world are taken advantage of in horrible ways.  I can't keep my baby safe if she isn't with me. 

There are pluses to the facility I picked.  If PB is not ready when her turn on the waiting list comes up she doesn't go to the bottom of the list.  She gets the next opening once she feels this is a good thing for her.  This particular facility comes very highly recommended.  One of the women who was already a teen when my parents bought this house has her son in the 70 bed facility.  She really went into detail about how the employees at this facility are screened and watched over.  As far as facilities go it seems great.  That doesn't take away from the bottom line that this still sucks and is completely heartbreaking. 

1 comment:

Leigh said...

You're her mom. It's going to kill you no matter what, even when you know it's absolutely the best and correct course of action. Sending my kids off to college was the hardest thing I had to do in my mothering career. I know it's harder because PB had true needs, but at least you get to make the choice for her rather than someone else. I know you already know all that, but I had to think of something to encourage you. You're a good mom.