Friday, October 15, 2010

Fall- how I love thee!

So what do you think of the new blog design? I love fall as we've talked about and I really love Halloween! Add my love of vintage graphics and this design was just calling my name!

Lately I've spent some time thinking and trying to come up with fun Halloween stuff to do with Princess Bear (PB). As I've mentioned I'm pretty hard core into Halloween. Its second only to Christmas. This year PB has a countdown to Halloween calendar that is the same basic premise to an advent calendar. At first she tried telling me she didn't want to do it because it was scary. Ok- this thing isn't scary in the slightest. She came around pretty quickly. She's now all set to dec the house out from the roof down. I've also been pondering why I love fall so much & why its my favorite season. If you think about it there is no way it should be my favorite season. In addition to all of my depression and anxiety issues I've dealt with my entire life my sister & I both suffer from SAD in a major way. My mom jokes about how her daughters turn gray by the middle of December. Since I now know that I've got a rather significant vitamin D insufficiency to boot I should be all about warm sunny weather. Nope! Nothing makes me happier than the sight of leaves changing colors, the coolness in the air and if I'm lucky the occasional scent of burning leaves! I think I like the idea of hunkering down. At least in theory. The idea of being cuddled up with a good book, a cup of tea, a cozy blanket and PB and my cat. I almost wished I lived on a homestead somewhere we were were more or less snowed in! Anyway back to fall. I would love to decorate for fall. Unfortunately money aside and lack of already owned decor my parents are very into decorating. One of my favorite blogs to check out just for the visuals is Aunt Ruthie's Sugar Pie Farmhouse. You can check it out HERE. Her house is most definitely a dream house (I think I have 2 that and a log home unless I could combine the best of both!). I love how she has decorated for fall! I did get PB a little sugar pumpkin and 5 mini pumpkins a week or so ago. I think I might have to scrimp up $10 and go to the dollar store and see what autumn things I could come up with. Maybe a leaf garland or two!

All of this led me on a search for some country/prim blogs. As I just mentioned I love Aunt Ruthie's Farmhouse and I love log cabins. I think I love the feeling of warmth they convey. That and the fact that when I think about what kind of women lived in these houses in the past they were strong women! I love reading Country Sampler Magazine. The ideas in there are fabulous and I love to turn down pages for ideas I want to remember for whenever PB and I get out own place. The idea of a comfy, warm, pretty country house or log cabin absolutely delights me. I think maybe because I don't feel that in the home we're in now. It also kind of ties into my whole wanted to homestead idea. I mean to you see a modern style house in the middle of 40 acres of wooded land? Nope, you see a farmhouse or log home. Something to blend into the setting.

This is also something that I've been thinking about lately. Back when Mason and I were serious (or as serious as we could be at 19 & 20) we talked about renovating a farm into a house. As I got a bit older I became slightly obsessed with log homes. Then I came to the realization that I wanted to live in the city. Peoria is as about as small as I can handle. I love the city and all that it entails. I was actually terrified of living in the country. I always dwelled on the horrendous what ifs instead of looking at the wonder of not being packed on top of one another. Then in the past couple of years I'm all about wanting to get back to the land and living in the country.

My therapist and I actually had a really interesting conversation about this awhile back. She thinks its due to a stalking incident that occurred when I was living in NC on my internship. I woke up one night and something wasn't right. I had left the light on because my roommate had gone out. When I woke up it was dark and someone was standing next to my bed. Yeah enter major freak out. Somehow I kept my wits about me. I asked Mr X what he was doing there. His reply was that he'd been watching me for a long time. At the time I didn't know what that really meant. I told him that he had to leave. He again told me that he'd been watching me for a long time. At that point I was completely freaked. He then reached over to turn on the light and I got a very good look at Mr X. A moment later he laid down a key and left the room. I freaked out. Now if I'd really been thinking I would have yelled right away because I was staying in an old barrack that was converted into dorm type rooms. Every other room on my floor was being occupied by guys that were in training to become Department of Corrections guards for the state of North Carolina. I loved these guys and they had kind of adopted me as a group little sister. If I would have screamed this guy would have probably left on a stretcher. Why didn't I scream? Honestly I have no idea. I don't know how long it was before my roommate came back but she realized that something was wrong. I asked her if she'd seen anyone in the hall and she got me to tell her the whole story. She and another intern decided the best thing was to call the police. Now since we were on federally owned property that meant the local police had to turn it over to the state police. That was the beginning of a circus act. Fingerprint dusting all over the room, questioning of me and my roommate (who had thought she lost her key & didn't report it. Turns out this guy swiped it from her). I was able to give a very accurate description and the police went to look around. All the commotion woke up the DoC guards in training and another intern who was one of my closest friends from Western. They did their best to calm me down. Someone suggested I should call my parents and let them know what happened even though it was really late. My mom swears she's never heard that kind of terror in anyones voice and never wanted to hear it again especially from one of her children. As it turned out the answering machine at my parents wound up recording the whole conversation which was saved in case the case went to trial. My friend Bob (the other intern from Western) slept on the floor of my room since my roommate didn't want to stay there and I was literally so scared I was glued to the bed. Bob is a good old country boy and brought a knife to the room and offered me one as well (don't worry I declined!). The next morning all of the DoC guys checked on me first thing. As they were crammed into my room the police showed up to say that they had arrested a suspect. The DoC guys insisted on all walking with me to the police car to ID the guy. Man did I love those guys! Sure enough they had the right guy and he was taken into custody. This was the friday before Labor Day weekend and my big project was planning and coordinating all of the Labor Day activities. I spent all of that friday on the phone trying to figure out things. I really just wanted to pack my bags and go home. I called my advisor and told her what happened. I only had a week left of my internship and had everything planned and set up for the Labor Day weekend but I was a mess. I just wanted to get out of there. My advisor said if I cut my internship short regardless of the reason I'd fail the semester. The next thought that was bounced around was my dad & uncle flying out there. Ok- you try pricing the flight for 2 people last minute, labor day weekend to coastal North Carolina. I quickly turned down that idea. My dad & uncle offered to drive out. Again while I appreciated it I didn't think it would help. Now add to this that I called the police station to see what was happening as far as me filing charges against this idiot. Are you ready to poop bricks sideways? They released the guy! Without my knowledge or asking what my intentions were about pressing charges. He was in the Army and told to return to Ft. Bragg immediately. WHAT???? That is when I really lost it. There was next to no security where I was at. The grounds were extensive and not well lit at night. We literally were on the Cape Fear river on one side and 2 blocks from the ocean on the other side. We decided the best alternative was for me to get a car and rent a room at a hotel in Kure Beach which was about 15 or 20 minutes away. When I asked the police why they released him they said he was in the Army and remorseful for what had happened. Hmmm, ok- what about the fact that I'm terrified? I asked about pressing charges and they said I could but the Army could and would just send him out to the field every time we would be scheduled for court. Nice huh? Well you can try going after him but the Army will protect him. Nothing like the good old boys club! So I spent the last week of my internship in a hotel room. So this is the basic reason that for a very long time I was terrified of living in a secluded location. I wanted people everywhere! Back to the conversation with my therapist. She has a theory that the brain has a wonderful capacity to heal itself and that my desire to live in the country is an indication that I'm no longer as traumatized by the stalking incident. I think she might be right. I think it will always be in the back of my mind and that at times I might react to things badly because of it but its no longer dictating where I want to live. The brain is pretty amazing isn't it????

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