Sunday, October 3, 2010

Weekend from H#LL!

Ok- as a parent I realize that weekend down time is a precious commodity. Since I have been spending the last several months helping out my sister I have a sense of having no life of my own anyway. I've been trying to make some positive changes in my life: doing yoga a few times a week (I've been trying a series of positions recommended for helping with depression in whole living magazine. You can check it out HERE). Trying my best to get to sleep between 11pm and midnight (supposedly helps reset your pineal gland/ melatonin production). Now for a classic night owl who occasionally suffers from insomnia this has been no easy task. The biggest accomplishment by far has been cutting down my caffeine intake. Pepsi/Coke is my friend. I went from having a minimum l soda a day to a max of G-d only knows how many & sometimes throwing in coffee for good measure to having caffeine every other day or so. For the most part its been a 12 oz can or a medium cup. Today was my worst day at 24 oz but I've greeted 2am the past 2 nights so I needed it. I'm trying to not let this weekends lapses become habit breakers. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Friday my mom & dad came home early, completely exhausted and in a mood. They've been helping out at my sisters almost daily as well. My mom & I had a talk about how the house really needed to get cleaned up since I am returning to my sisters this coming week. I had every intention of getting it done or as close to done as possible.

Saturday morning comes & I'm up and moving by 7:30am. Not bad for me. I spend time getting the living room and dining room straightened as well as the kitchen and several loads of laundry. Then Princess Bear (PB) had her swimming lessons at 11:30. Those are only a half hour but by the time she showers off, dries up and is dressed again we're lucky to be out of there by 12:30pm. From there we went to CVS because I needed some Febreeze Air Effects that was on sale for $2.99 and I had a $1.00 coupon. I know that Febreeze isn't the most green item to be using but its to combat the smell from using the green Swheat kitty litter. The stuff works well enough but there is no absorption of odors whatsoever! My mom called once while we were at CVS asking where we were (honestly I cannot be anywhere other than home and not receive a phone call asking where I am). While we were at CVS I received several texts messages from an acquaintance/friend that lead me to believe she was suicidal. I sent her a few text messages telling her not to do anything and tried calling her with no response. I sent a text to the therapist we both see telling her what was going on and got no response from her. At that point I called 911. Can I tell you that if you call 911 and tell them that an acquaintance has sent you text messages indicating a plan to commit suicide but you do not know/remember her last name and have no address (the 3 phone numbers I had as well as email addy were relatively useless)that they aren't very happy. Apparently it makes there job much harder. To say that this whole scenario left me feeling extremely rattled would be a minor understatement. I was totally emotionally drained. I continued to periodically send her texts reminding her nothing was that bad & to think of her kids. We ate lunch and about an hour later the police called me to tell me that they found her & she was fine. Relief. I then decided that I wanted 20 minutes to just decompress. My dad was ok with that plan but my mom, bil and nephew returned home and somehow I was put in charge of the kids. They left my nephew here while they went to mass. Not a huge deal but still took up my time. Then I helped my dad with dinner so my mom could rest. Then came me cleaning up from dinner and trying to then get PB settled for bed. I got some more laundry done and researched a few things I needed to online. Then around midnight I remembered (??) that PB had a birthday party the next day and I needed to make the gift- UGH!!!! I worked on that for awhile & then did some cleaning in my room. Around 2:45am I decided the best bet was to call it a day.

I was up and going by 7:30am today. After making a sorry attempt at breakfast (pb&j on toast) for PB and myself, I cleaned up the kitchen by putting away clean dishes & washing dirty as well as taking out the garbage and doing more laundry. I then spent another hour finishing up the birthday gift. After that it was time to take PB to Sunday school. Once we got home PB was ready to go to the birthday party. It was still a bit too early so I fed her lunch, we wrapped the gift and left the house. As I was leaving I heard back from my therapist asking if I'd heard anymore. We text a few more times and then I got gas and we were off. The party was about a 1/2 hour from here. Now if I was still living around Chicago a 1/2 hour to get somewhere is nothing. Around here that is a really long time. PB made the comment (and was completely serious) that she thought we were in 'fornia! I was so proud of myself because I thought we were going to be on time for the party (I am late for everything!). Well once we hit the frontage road the real fun began. Try 2 wrong turns that lead to some really pretty country driving but ultimately made us a 1/2 hour late. Luckily we weren't the only ones. As soon as we arrived Bella's grandma asked us if I had any plans for us this afternoon. Ummm, no not really. Good, the zoomobile is getting there until 2 and we can't eat until after that. By the time all was said and done we left the birthday party around 5:20 and headed home. We left the house around 12:15! I was beyond exhausted! My dad then needed help in the yard while my mom simultaneously needed help with dinner. While dinner was cooking I got PB in the bath. Then dinner and cleanup again. After that PB wanted cuddle time so we watched Jonas L.A. After that I did the rest of the kitchen and put PB to bed. This takes us to 9:20 Sunday night and my moms most recent blow up about how I'm not doing anything I need to around the house and I'm continuing to fuck up and that everyone says the only way I'll stop is to get kicked out. Did I miss something? Did I not help? Did I get done everything I would have liked to? Not nearly but not from lack of trying or jacking off with my time.

Oh I forgot the best part- on the way back from the birthday party I received 3 text messages from the acquaintance I called 911 about yesterday. Basically telling me that I was butting in where I wasn't wanted and to leave her alone. Yep, I had a great freaking weekend!

I could mention the stress from a friend that is really getting to me or the fact that my daughter is really needing more downtime with me. Yes I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm just so sick of trying & not at least getting credit for what I am getting done. I think I'm going to get ready for bed and hope like heck this coming week is smooth. As I typed that I remembered that I'm spending all day every day at my sisters. Honestly- is the concept of me time just a dream????

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