Thursday, November 21, 2013

Sometimes life is better when you know the other person is just....there

Today is one of those days that I'd gladly throw back to the universe and ask for a do over.  Unfortunately life isn't that kind.  It seems as though the crud that kept Princess Bear (PB) out of school the beginning of this week has decided to make my life miserable.  Enter ear infection, sinus infection and the flu.  That in and of itself is enough to make me not like life but nowhere near touches it for today.  PB went back to school today as I mentioned.  Her first day since the tornado.  I've showed her some of the pictures of the tornadoes destruction and tried to make her aware of the scope of the disaster.  I'm not sure if a "normal" child can truly understand the situation but PB hasn't.  She learned that two of her school therapist had their homes leveled and one was injured but recovering well.  The school is collecting money and gift cards for them.  The bright light of the day was my baby getting out her piggy bank and a plastic bag.  She was ready to dump her whole bank in and take it in.  The child's heart is so amazing!  I assured PB that we would be sending some money in for them.  A family friend's father passed away today.  Now granted this man was rather old and had lived a wonderful life.  That said losing a loved one is never easy and her husband is battling cancer so I'm very worried about her state of mind. 

Then the clincher came in.  I asked a friend from college for his address.  I figure if I'm supposed to be resting that I might as well work on Christmas cards.  I asked Ron about our friend Mike.  Mike and I had an on and off romantic relationship for several years and then friendship for several more.  I'm so sad to say the last time I spoke to him was 11 years ago.  I was pregnant with PB and he was getting ready to get married.  I do remember the last conversation as clear as day.  Unfortunately his fiancee wasn't thrilled with us talking so I didn't call for awhile.  Then life happens as it so often does.  I had PB and the first few years of her life were chaotic to say the least.  Take normal baby chaos, single mom and then add special needs and you get the picture.  One of the things I've really been upset about lately is the contact I've lost with so many close friends I had.  I've been trying to find ways to remedy the situation.  Anyway I digress.  When PB was a few years old I decided to try to call Mikey and see how he was doing.  He number was disconnected.  At that time I didn't have a way to contact anyone to see if they had contact information for Mike.  So throughout the years whenever I thought of Mike there was always a little silent thought....prayer if you will, that he was happy, healthy and enjoying life.  He seemed so happy the last time we spoke so it seemed like a good bet.  Well, Ron sent me his snail mail address and let me know that Mike passed away over 10 years ago.  WHAT???????????  He passed away when PB was just a baby!!!   To say I'm in shock doesn't even begin to cover it.  My parents came home tonight and I told them.  My mom's face was just so shocked.  I understood Mike's fiancee not wanting someone from the past.  Can't say I agreed with it but I didn't want to make things tough for him.  I  wish now that I had done things differently.  How I'm not sure.  All evening I've been thinking back to different times and situations with Mikey and smiling and crying and crying and smiling.  All I know for sure is that the world was a much better place with Mikey in it. 

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