Gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold

 

This is a pretty good description of my parents stances when they were raising us. My dad was determined that my sister & I would always know how to defend ourselves. My dad taught us how to correctly throw a punch and told us what body parts to go for. He had a body bag in the garage that he'd have us throw punches at occasionally. Dad's rule was never ever start something but if someone starts something with you then you damn well better finish it. I got into one fight in high school. Timing wise it was so not good. It was the second semester of my senior year. Fortunately I somehow never got in trouble for the incident. Since it took place in the hallway I'm not quite sure how I got so lucky. It's not like I wasn't a frequent flier in the detention program. A girl that had formerly been one of my closest friends came up and threw a punch at me. It got ugly quickly but suffice it to say I walked away with a couple of scratches and she was a bit of a mess. I remember being on edge the rest of the day waiting to be called into the Dean's office. When I got home that day I figured the best thing to do was immediately tell my mom what happened. It had to be better than her getting a call from the school, right? Whoa was my mom pissed at me. I then called my dad at work and told him what happened and that my mom was pissed 30 different ways. My dad asked me a few questions and he quickly figured out I did exactly what he'd taught me. I hadn't started it but I had finished it. He told me to just lay low until he got home and he'd take care of my mom and the school. I'm still not sure if the school ever contacted my parents by I was never reprimanded. I think because I grew up being taught this I've always been a bit of a fighter. Not a physical fighter. No worries there were only a few other physical fights on my record. I have always been one to fight for whatever I thought was wrong. I've always been one to call people out when I thought there was some sort of injustice. I attended Catholic schools from kindergarten through my senior year of high school. When I was in 8th grade I went to one of my sister's volleyball games. There were several girls that never got the opportunity to play even though that was against the policy. The coaches were more interested in winning than modeling good sportsmanship. It prompted me to write a letter to the coaches, the principal and the Bishop. I had my parent's approval. Good thing too since there was all kinds of ugly fall out from that one.

I've always felt a need to defend people I know. It's very hard for me to walk away from any kind of confrontation. I've got to say it's one of the hardest things for me to learn. I'm not saying that I'm a complete hothead. Quite the contrary, unless it's regarding my daughter. It usually takes a fair amount before I'll say something. Once I do though it's game on. The thing that I have discovered as I've gotten older is that sometimes the best fighting tactic is to walk away and not say a word. I also grew up knowing that if there a need to defend myself that the first step was me.  I might need someone to have my back but no one was ever going to take care of my problems for me. 

All in all I have to thank my parents for the way they raised me.  I've never been afraid to stand up for myself and I always knew how to hold my own if I ever got into a fight.  I never needed to have anyone else come in and help me out or defend me.  Thanks Dad!

Ah, Politics these days!

Here are a few images I've had posted on my Facebook account this week.

I've been pretty outspoken about being anti-Obama for a very long time.  I don't think he's done anything positive for this country.  I'm also not a big Romney supporter.  The candidate that I was hoping would represent the GOP was Santorum.  Anyone feeling the need to comment let's not turn this into a Ron Paul debate.  I think Ron Paul has some really really great qualities and he does stand for somethings that I do agree with.  He also backs some things I don't agree with.  The bottom line is that you can't really vote for him and hope that you're doing anything in terms of changing the way our country is being run right now. 

So what brought about this political rant?  When I posted one the top image  yesterday a sorority sister commented that she was surprised at my political leanings.  I guess I can see that.  In the good old days at Camp Western I was pretty liberal in my thinking.  Here's the rub.  As I've gotten older I realize that whether you're liberal, conservative or somewhere in the middle it really doesn't matter.  What does matter is how much control you're willing to give the government over your life.  One of the driving focuses in my life the last 5 or 6 years has been a push to make myself more self reliant.  I want to be able to take care of myself and my daughter if there is ever the need.  I would love to have a couple of acres that would include some veggie gardens, orchards and some animals such as chickens, pigs, goats and a cow or two.  I'm really not sure when this became something that became important to me.  It used to be that the idea of being out in the country was just disgusting to me.  I joked that Peoria was as small as I could handle.  I want to get in my car and have restaurants, entertainment and all kinds of variety at the ready.  In some ways the idea of being out in the country actually terrified me.  A friend of mine who is a therapist pointed out that might have been my reaction to the stalking incident in North Carolina.  She said that the brain has it's own way of dealing with things and maybe my idea of always being around people was an attempt to never have to live through something like that again.  While that incident will always haunt me perhaps she's right.  It isn't an ever present fear anymore.  I think I could and would actually learn to like the quite of the country.  I hate that there is never any quite here. 

So how does this all connect to my political leanings?  As I've been educating myself in self reliance and other skills that would be helpful to living in the country it's given me a lot to think about.  The big back to nature push that happened in the '70's after Vietnam was in someways the cultures response to the political climate at the time.  I think that more people now are wanting to return to a more basic and pure existence.  Don't get me wrong I don't want to give up everything.  I like the internet.  I like things like electricity and running water.  I just think that there was a time in this country that things were simple and life was better.  That is what has changed my political views the most.  I don't want the government to have a say over every little thing in my life.   Obamacare is also a big issue with me but that could be an entire post on it's own.  I just don't want to be told if I can or can't drink raw milk, can or can't own guns and what kind and can or can't do many other things. 

I also have a couple of pet peeves politically.  I think that there can be social justice without government intervention as well.  I have a HUGE issue with people that are gay and back candidates that are for gay rights and disregard whatever else they stand for.  Who you sleep with really shouldn't matter to anyone other than that person and yourself (within that the people are of legal age and available to be in said relationship).  As long as you can wake up and look in the mirror and smile each morning it really shouldn't matter who you sleep with.  It also shouldn't be a major endorsement politically.  My other pet peeve politically is Obamacare.  Talk to variety of health care professionals, talk to someone who is or has been reliant on Medicade or Medicare, talk to someone who has lived in a country where socialized medicine was practiced.  I'm willing to bet the vast majority of those individuals are not supporters of Obamacare.  It's just throwing a bandaid on the issue.  You can mandate it but it's not taking care of the real issues. 

So, there you have it.  I think in some ways I'm still very liberal and in others I've become more conservative but the one thing that hasn't changed at all is the fact that I really don't want a government that controls every aspect of my life. 

Sarah

How do you shake fear?

Lately I've been doing a lot of worrying about Princess Bear (PB).   She was born with something called bicoronal craniosynostosis.  You can read a very good article about it HERE. 

She has a couple of really big Dr's appointments coming up and they can both be life changers in their own ways.  We go to St. Louis is November to meet with the endocrinology team.  PB hasn't seen an endo since hers moved 3 years ago.  The team in St. Louis has been consulting regularly with her pediatrician since the thyroid problem has appeared between the last visit and now.  We'd been trying to get in to see the Dr and St. Louis kept on telling us that things seemed fine and to repeat the blood tests every 3 months.  Um, ok that addresses the thyroid issue but not the other problems.  Like the fact that my 9 year old is 5', 92 pounds and wears a women's size 7 shoe.  Last month I received a letter from the endo team in St. Louis telling us when we had an appointment.  It was a shock since they hadn't seemed too concerned with seeing her.  At her last bone age scan she was 1.5 years ahead of her chronological age.  I'm sure that she will be poked, prodded and it will be a long day of many tests.  Whether we'll have more answers about her accelerated growth remains to be seen.  Whether we'll have any answers about her crashing thyroid also remains to be seen.  I understand that Dr's are very worried about projecting things because we live in a sue happy world but I would really like some idea of what to expect for my child.  Forewarned is forearmed, right?  She's getting old enough that she is starting to ask questions.  Some answers would be really helpful. 

The next appointment is in December in Chicago with the Craniofacial team.  I have this nagging feeling that is getting worse by the day that the decision will be made for PB to have her next surgery soon.  The Dr. said he'd like to wait until summer whenever he has determined that she has grown enough and that new adjustments need to be made to her skull.  I like that in the weather is nicer in summer for traveling, there is generally less illness and ick running amok in the summertime.  I don't like it in the fact that all new residents start in June.  Really never, ever, ever do elective anything in June or July.  I've known seen we first took PB to the plastic surgeon at 2.5 weeks old that she was going to have at least 3 major surgeries.  Her first surgery was at 7.5 months old and she literally had her skull opened from ear to ear.  At that time they did a CVR, cranial vault reconstruction, and a FOA, frontal orbital advancement.  The surgery was long, over 7 hours and there were complications in that her dural lining was torn and the first graph failed.  I will never forget when they finally let me into recovery to see her.  My childs head was swollen bigger than a pumpkin and she was very bandaged with drain tubes coming out of both sides of her head.  It would have been nice to have some warning that my child would be completely unrecognizable.  The first 3 day after surgery PB could not be picked up.  The pain was too much to handle.  I even had to fight with the nurse the first day and a half to give PB the morphine that was ordered.  She just wanted to give PB Tylenol.  Hello my daughter had her head cracked open from ear to ear and completely reconstructed and you think some Tylenol will do the trick?  I seriously almost decked her.  As a result of the swelling PB's eyes were swollen shut for the first 5 days.  Her surgery was Tuesday morning and she was able to open her eyes a tiny bit on Saturday night.  As I said the first 3 days she couldn't be moved let alone held.  I spent those days laying next to her crib holding her handing and just talking to her.  Assuring her that things would get better.  On the 4th day she wanted to be held and refused to be put down. I actually had to take her along with her monitors and IV to the bathroom with me....how I pulled that off without anything getting disconnected I don't know! 

PB was a baby and has absolutely no recollection of that surgery.  She's aware that she had surgery but hasn't asked too much.  I think this one will be hard because she has seen her friends go through surgeries.  She knows it's painful.  I won't lie to my child and tell her it's going to be fine.  It isn't going to be fine for awhile at the very least.  She's going to be in pain unlike anything she remembers.  She won't be able to see for several days due to swelling again.  The only thing I'm dreading more is any major surgeries after this since she will remember.  I'm just so scared that since she's done so much growing the Dr is going to decide the time is now.  There is very little worse than handing your child off to a surgical team for them to operate on her skull.  Logically I know that the surgery has to happen and she'll be better off in the long run.  Logic has very little to do with anything when your child is having surgery.  So at the moment I have this feeling that Dr. Patel will look at PB and say that this is the time.  You can spend all kinds of time preparing for something and never be ready for it.  This is obviously one of those things.  I'm trying to not let my anxiety show because there's no point in upsetting PB but I feel like I'm at the edge of a cliff and ready to fall off.  There is no amount of meditation and stress relief that is going to make this any better.  SO, this is my state of mind now.  Damn I wish I had a drink. 

Human behavior is an interesting thing, isn't it?

Today's post is going to be short.  It's been a long day here and while it was very successful in accomplishments (PB's room is completely clean, organized and good to go) it has also been incredibly draining.  It's just that I was pondering human behavior a bit and decided that I might as well put my thoughts to paper if you will.  Have you ever wondered why you or others do something?  Is something ever really done without motive?  It can be a innocent motive (wanting to help or make someone happy).  It doesn't have to be sinister.  Just are things done without motive?  Something I've been pondering.  I think we live in a very jaded society.  How often do you see pure altruism?  Don't confuse it with empathy or charity either.  Humans to an extent are capable of all of these behaviors don't get me wrong.  I'm just questioning the expanse of it.  Someone might do something thinking, actually quite sure, that they are doing something just to be nice or helpful.  Is it that?  Or is it the accolades that follow?  Is it a way of establishing boundaries?  Is it a means to an end? 

I've also been pondering the difference between reassurance and propaganda.  When something is reiterated ad naseum is it meant to cooberate or is it a propaganda tool?  Who is it that is to be convinced of said facts?  It's a bit like Shakespeare  "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."  Yes, today's post is a bit random and rambling.  Then again its my blog so it can be whatever it is that I feel like!   Now I'm going to go and enjoy some blessed silence before turning in.  Have a great night!

Tim King girlfriend? Looks like it!

OK sometimes my sleuthing skills just scare me.  Other times they leave a bit to be desired (can I find my friend Shawn from WIU?  Hell no....I soothe myself saying its because he was a PI and a cop).  Anyway back to the matter at hand.  One of the most used phrases bringing people to my blog is an inquiry to whether or not Tim King has a girlfriend.  Um, while I'm usually not one to jump to conclusions the writing is pretty much on the wall with these.  Evidently Timmy boy likes younger women! :)  That said he does look happy so good on him!  So my vote is on the "yes he has a girlfriend" category.  Anybody else want to place their vote? 






I've got to say that the suspenders that Tim's rockin' are just too cute! OK off for now!

Farm Kings Episode 4

As usual last nights episode was great.  The love, tenacity and devotion this family has is outstanding.  Actually I have found myself wondering what it would be like to be a part of a family like that.  Anyway I digress. Last nights episode was mainly dealing with the extreme heat and drought that a lot of the country dealt with this summer.  There was close to a month without rain.  That can do a big number on crops and it sure did at Freedom Farms.  I can't imagine the agony of watching your hard work and dreams just withering in the fields.  It was sad when Tim and the boys went to check on the corn.  Even worse was when Tim went to tell Lisa that she had to seriously cut back on the water she was using.  She knew that it was a very real possibility and you could tell that Tim felt really awful doing it.  She mentioned that her plants were suffering too and she had new plants coming in.  You felt for her too.  Unfortunately if you just look at the dollar and cents of it the vegetable crops are much more important monetarily than the flowers are.  I'm sure Lisa's flowers bring in great money but I just can't see a real comparison.  Luke was home for a visit and it was kind of interesting to see how his interests are so different than his siblings.  The guy is definitely motivated though!  The show wrapped up with a party that was a dual celebration of the 4th of July and Joe's birthday.  29 candles- whew!  Joe has some lung power! 

If you want to play roses and thorns of the show it would go as follows:
Thorns:
-Formentioned cutting off Lisa's water supply
-Forementioned drought
-They finally had a storm coming in and got a good amount of water.  Unfortunately it also brought a ton of wind and knocked the corn down.  Man did I feel sorry for those guys picking the early corn. 
Roses:
-Watching the boys playing cards and goofing around
-The impromptu wrestling match in the field with Pete & Tim joining in
-The farmer's market competition between Dan & Pete.  How many of you were surprised that Dan won? 

On a completely personal note about the episode I was schooled by my 9 year old daughter last night.  I was told I was all wrong thinking that Tim is "the cutest".  It goes Pete, Dan and then Tim.  Well I know better than to fight or reason with my daughter and while she does have good taste there is obviously more to teach her! 

Life in general

Today's post is going to be random musings.  If you're here looking for enlightenment (or Farm Kings) today isn't your day.  Check back tomorrow!  Last night was the second presidential debate.  Sons of Anarchy won out pretty quickly.  As I've mentioned before I don't think either candidate is what this country needs.  This has led me to have some pretty interesting prepping conversations lately.  Today my friend Darnell and I were talking about prepping in general and it went into 2 different areas.  Basic food storage and then the materials you don't necessarily think you'll need.  She was explaining that in her family everyone has a major toilet paper hoarding gene.  Something carried over from her grandfather living through the depression.  I'm thinking that TP could definitely be a useful item in terms of SHTF.  I don't know if I want rooms of it (she doesn't have nearly that amount no fear!) but a backup can't be a bad thing.  The three things I worry about the most as far as prepping are 1) food 2) safe water and 3)meds.  I'm one of those people that thinks prepping is a good idea in that it really can't hurt anything.  I'm not saying to spend your retirement on freeze dried or MRE's.  I'm saying that considering the fact that the food supply in this country can be put to a standstill quickly (one more reason to love your local farmers) that it's a good idea to at least know what you'd do if SHTF.  I'm talking about having a few bags of rice, flour and the basics on hand.  This led to the discussion of LDS food prepping and their food centers.  I honestly don't know how to explain to my parents the ramifications of not having any backup (the 3 shelves that are 2' x 1'  and filled with soup really aren't going to do a lot).  I would rather prepare and have no need for it than have a huge need and nothing ready.  Ok, enough on prepping.

A few interesting conversations lately.  Last week after Princess Bear's (PB) piano lesson her teacher and I were talking.  I think the piano teacher, Nancy, as been a family friend for around 30 years or so.  I used to take her youngest out all the time so she could work on homeschooling with the older 2.  Nancy is engaged to a farmer and we were discussing farm houses and my desire to get out to the country.  She mentioned something that my mom always told my sister & me growing up.  Basically if you only date rich boys you'll marry a rich man.  Not quite sure that that is the advice I needed at 15 but ok I get the idea.  So Nancy was telling me I need to start dating farmers.  Easier said than done.  She put on her thinking cap and hopefully an idea comes up.  I did tell her about the Farmers Only dating site and one more psycho guy in my background.  Then we went from talking about dating farmers to living in farm houses.  I kindly offered to live in one of the 2 farm houses that she and her fiance are taking care of.  At this point I don't think that the living situation could be  much worse and the school situation would have to be better.  PB was hit at school again this week.  I'm a bit less than happy. 

The last discussion that I had worth mentioning (at least in my mind) is one I had with PB yesterday.  The Heifer's International catalog came yesterday.  I was telling her that we needed to start talking about what we were going to buy for Jesus' birthday gift.  That went into the whole doing something for someone else at Christmas is a very nice way to keep the meaning of the season alive.  She liked looking at all the animals.  There is an option for funding some bee hives.  PB is very afraid of bees.  I have no idea why but she has a major hate on for them.  She immediately said that we could do anything for the gift except the bees.  I asked her why and the prompt response was "God would not like that.  He doesn't want to get stung.".  I thought this was incredibly cute but it also shows that we need to work a bit more on the concept of God and Jesus.  She's also getting back into her obsession with Jesus being put to death.  3 different times this week she's pulled out her Sunday school book and goes to the stations of the cross section.  It leads to different questions every time.  I really didn't know that it was possible to have so many questions about it. 

So as I said just random musings.  See you tomorrow!