Wednesday, June 18, 2008 one

I borrowed the following from my MySpace blog as I'm still dealing with the issue at hand. It does contain swearing (not apologizing...just giving you a warning!)

fa·ther ..>

1. A man who begets or raises or nurtures a child.
2. A male parent of an animal.
3. A male ancestor.
4. A man who creates, originates, or founds something: Chaucer is considered the father of English poetry.
5. An early form; a prototype.
6. Father Christianity
a. God.
b. The first person of the Christian Trinity.
7. An elderly or venerable man. Used as a title of respect.
8. A member of the senate in ancient Rome.
9. One of the leading men, as of a city: the town fathers.
10. or Father A church father.
11. Abbr. Fr.
a. A priest or clergyman in the Roman Catholic or Anglican churches.
b. Used as a title and form of address with or without the clergyman's name.
v. fa·thered, fa·ther·ing, fa·thers
1. To procreate (offspring) as the male parent.
2. To act or serve as a father to (a child).
3. To create, found, or originate.
4. To acknowledge responsibility for.
a. To attribute the paternity, creation, or origin of.
b. To assign falsely or unjustly; foist.
To act or serve as a father.

Ok...going to go off on a bit of a tangent here. Why is it that men can father a child and then oh so easily walk away from responsibility and be ok with that?!!? Also let me interject that there is WAY more to responsibility than paying child support. I won't go into the fact that these children at some point in time will acknowledge their sperm donors (and I'm being kind here) as the pieces of shit they are. Trust me I've heard it all. I have had a few guy friends who have literally stepped out of their childs life because it was easier than dealing with their ex. HELLO! What the HELL are you doing?!!!? You obviously liked said woman enough to nail it that difficult to get along enough to see your child? You don't have to like each other. You don't have to be friends. It really isn't necessary. What is necessary is to be civil. Thats all bottom line end of story. Pick up the phone and ask to talk to your child; make arrangements to spend time with your child. You might ask where this tirade is coming from and trust me it isn't based on what you think it is! I had an ex's son ask me to have his father get in touch with him. WTF?!!!? Ok done with the vent for now.

Well, apparently I'm not done with the vent. A bit of background...I was more or less ecstatically engaged to a great guy named Wayne in 2003. He'd been my best guy friend for years and frankly I'd been in love with him the whole time. He was married so I never told him how I felt. He'd been there for me through everything and I really do mean everything. When he left Great Lakes it was like my world was falling apart. We stayed in touch and stayed close. He never liked any of the guys I was involved with. His marriage by then had fallen apart but I was also pregnant (high risk from the beginning) and going through a lot. Wayne was actually supposed to be Princess Bears godfather. Then in early Jan '03 I got a call from him and out of the blue he told me he'd always loved me and that he wanted to get married. Push me over with a feather! After a really long deep discussion of disclosing all of our feelings, hopes, wants and fears we decided that we did belong together (everyone who ever saw us together knew this way before we did). The down side was he was in the Navy and getting ready to deploy for the beginning of this mess in Iraq. We talked constantly and made a lot of plans for the baby. I'd just found out it was a girl. I'd had two names picked out but he didn't like either so it was back to the drawing board. We decided on a name and he started contacting lawyers here to see what it would take for the baby's father to rescind he's rights so Wayne could adopt her. I won't lie and say his deployment was easy. I was in the middle of an awful pregnancy and missed him a lot. Through a lot of trial and tribulations we made it through the deployment. Wayne was also having some health issues so he was flown off the ship early to be seen by a Dr. The first time we were able to talk in 6 months and PB was in the hospital (she was 3 weeks old and had turned blue while I was nursing her because she aspirated). I have never been so glad to hear another human beings voice in my entire life! We talked for hours! We knew that he only had a few months left until he hit his 20 years service in the Navy and started discussing different options on where to live. He's a California boy born and bred but there is just something about California. I wanted to live in FL or NC but he wasn't too thrilled with those options. He was offered a job in Louisville. Not bad. Not too far out from IL so I was a 6 hour drive from family. Its Southern but still urban. Lots of appeal overall. He also asked at one point if I was ok with his son from his first marriage living with us. Of course I was. I started looking online at homes in Louisville for a house big enough. Then he told me not to worry about a room for Cameron. He didn't want to ok.

Fast forward to Feb 2004. We'd hit a few rough spots but found our way back to each other. He was planning on moving here to Illinois until we found a permanent job and house. He even filed my address with the Navy as his forwarding address. I called his apartment in CA one day and the phone was disconnected. Talk about the bottom dropping out. After a major panic attack I tried picking myself up as much as possible. I won't say I'm totally over it but I'm not looking for answers anymore. Well apparently he is quite good at falling out of people's lives because his son would like to know where to find him. Man, this kid is 18 and I really don't want to screw him up. I forwarded him a picture I had of his dad and offered to call his grandfather (if the old hateful jerk is still alive). I just don't know how to play this one but its bringing up a lot of things that I don't want to deal with anymore. In closing boys are bad...throw rocks at them!

HM Sarah Siggy


Heather said...

Wow, Sarah, how terrible for you! I agree with you that children need a father's involvement in their lives. My Dad wasn't around when I was a kid, and it was tough for us, but especially for my brother. He had a lot of problems while growing up.

Not that it's any of my business at all, but have you had ANY contact with Wayne? It seems to me that he owes you an explanation!

Sarah said...

Absolutely no contact at all. It has been the hardest thing to deal with. An explanation would be wonderful but I've come to realize I'm not going to get it.

Susan said...

I'm sorry, Sarah. I know it doesn't make any sense. Megan's bio dad hasn't seen her since she was 4. I asked her just about a week or so ago if it bothered her and she said that she never even thinks about it. He's not there, she doesn't give a crap about him. Somehow it works out. Want me to hunt down Wayne and kick him for you?

Sarah said...

Yes please!!! :) Going to California anytime soon?!!!? Now Cameron (his son) wants me to call him....ugh! Just shoot me now!